arsmoriendi

Thanks to Poison's altruism, I am now writing a story about a woman with a pancake for a head.

I have a big blue book entitled Birthday Secrets. Each page has a run down on each and every day of the year. Eg., for a person born on May 31 (me) it has a general overview of that person, plus career and finance, health, children, love etc paragraphs that describe the person. I've looked up myself and the bastard thing is chillingly accurate...
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Spent the first day of 2005 nursing my pickled brain with some ibuprofen and mattress-balling lustful dreams. I also drew up a list of New Years' Resolutions. (Please feel free to share yours here too):

Quit smoking
Finish my novel
Stop biting my nails
Keep boudoir clean all the time so I don't need to do one massive cleanup every 3 months.
Learn French properly...
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Dear God,
hope you got the letter, and...
I pray you can make it better down here.
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
but all the people that you made in your image, see
them starving on their feet 'cause they don't get
enough to eat from God, I can't believe in you

Dear God, sorry to disturb you, but......
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So long between drinks, bartender?

It's been 6 months since I had sex/made love/fucked/done the funky monkey rain dance.

To be fair on myself, I haven't exactly been on the prowl these 6 months. Being cooped up working and writing isn't exactly conducive to an active sex life.

But you know what? I'm happy to wait for the right girl.

(Sorry fellas)

Somerset Dam, 1940.


This stinking piss, they should clean it up before
Nancy complains. Up all night.
Can't be in a good mood today.
Tsky tsk.

Well, can't always be proper, right.
How Josephine used to say, oh. What was it?
Everybody hurts. Not like me, you bludgers. Not like me.

Hardly.

Invented a world, left us all behind.
Unsociable.
Neighbours hiding from you with...
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I was employed as a salesman just over a month ago. I dreaded starting, thinking that I was going to be a complete failure and that I'd loathe it. Turns out it's quite enjoyable. Apparently I have a natural charm. I'm very relaxed and non-pushy, so people let their guard down...

THEN I LOCCCCCCCCKKKKKK 'EM IN!!!!!

Hey, you- asshole.

Stop giving us a bad name.

Thanks.