If I don't let
this love explode,
I'm tellin' ya
it's gonna erode
into a
box full of Kleenex,
I
don't know what to
try next
I just want so dearly
for someone to
love me
for
Who I am
I don't think I can
Wait much longer,
I gotta be stronger
than this
Abyss
of darkness that wants to
devour me
I'm lookin for the
power ya see
that I'm told I
should have
but like a piece of wood
I am
Splintering off into a
million pieces
I've got to remember what
inner peace is
before I can
find my partner
I gotta get smarter
about each choice
only then will I
find my voice
and quit
bein with these
jerks
who only know
how to hurt.

On April 27, I will be participating in a Bowl-A-Thon. It's a bowling fundraiser with proceeds going to a local grassroots organization called Pro-Choice Resources. In their own words: "PCR's programs are some of the most unique in the country. We are a homegrown non-profit, not affiliated with any national program. PCR is not a clinic or a lobbying organization and receives no government or United Way funding. We are the only organization in the country to offer education, advocacy, financial assistance, and outreach under one roof. By leading your own team or simply donating, you'll feel good because your effort and hard earned money is making a direct impact on people's lives."

Make a difference - you can sponsor me online!! Just follow the link, type in my first name (Maria), and I am Maria V. You know you want to!

You offer a massage to me after a long day. How can I refuse? You motion for me to lie on my stomach, and I oblige. A shudder is sent through my body as you straddle me, positioning yourself familiarly. I am almost quivering with anticipation as your hands softly glide over the thin cotton tank top which separates your hands from my back. I enjoy the gentle sensation which seems to awaken my nerves, as well as something else further beneath the surface. Then, almost by surprise, your hands grasp the tense muscles of my neck as I let out a low sigh of pleasure. I bite my lower lip to suppress the groans that I want to let out. Your warm, strong hands seem to easily hold the width of my back, and I feel myself succumbing to the spell cast by your hands. You begin to focus your attention to my mid-back, on either side of my spine. Is it because you can tell how much I love the way it feels? Or is it because you're admiring the fact that my bra is your favorite color? First shallow rubbing loosens the muscles of my back, down to the small of my back, and around my hips. My hips tilt directly into your hands, almost involuntarily, as you dig your fingers into my soft skin. I am breathing through my mouth, and I can feel my chest rise and fall with every stroke of the massage. My ears become attuned to your breathing, and I can tell that you are enjoying yourself as much as I am. Your deft hands begin their ascent up my legs, beginning with my calves. I breathe deeper and deeper as I realize that you aren't stopping at my thighs. Your fingers reach in and massage the muscles of my inner thighs. The sides of your hands intentionally graze the area that has become the focus of my attention. You continue this until I become aware of myself gyrating into your hands. Self-consciously, I flip over onto my back. Your intense eyes hold my attention, and I find myself melting. You lean over and begin to kiss my exposed hips and stomach. As your lips move upward, I feel myself begin to shake. Desire has overcome my body. You kiss the sides of my neck and I want you so badly I almost whimper…

Last Friday, my family went to a Japanese place on Grand Ave in St. Paul called Saji-Ya to celebrate both my sisters and my mom's birthdays (3 b-days in January - 4 counting our dog). We had Teppanyaki, which is where you sit at a half circle table that has a grill top in the middle, and a chef comes and cooks right in front of you. But it's a combination of art, entertainment and cooking. The chef juggles utensils, finds creative ways to cut the food, and may even flip various pieces of food. Last night, the chef even bounced an egg on a metal spatula a few times, then threw it up and split the egg on the edge of the spatula. So cool! The chef took the rice and veggies for fried rice and shaped them into a heart, and used sesame seeds to make an arrow going through it and pointing to me!! Then he put his hand out to me and said, "Hi my name is John." I said hi, but was blushing too badly to say anything else. I even made a heart back at him in my food, but I don't think he saw. I showed my sister, and then gobbled it up. I was joking to my sister that I could not for the life of me tell how old he was. So when he came back and asked if there was anything he could do for us, Ter said, "Yes, could you tell us your age?" and pointed at me. At that point I shrank in my chair to miniscule proportions. He grinned, faced me and said, "I'm 29, single and live in Minneapolis." I told him that I live in Uptown. He gave a street corner very near to my place, and at that moment, I completely forgot my address. I was just thinking "Emerson and what?!" Angie had to chime in with the cross streets of where I lived because I couldn't. So he pointed to his chest and said 'I am 40A' pointed to his waist and said 34 then his hips, and said 36. We all laughed and he said that he makes really good food at home too. So what does my dad do? He left my phone number on the bill to give to John! I am pretty sure all that was for a tip, but I certainly wouldn't mind getting a phone call.

I am so sad right now. I just found out that a guy I knew in high school was killed in Iraq. I didn't know him that well, but the news still hit me like a mac truck. He was one of the few guys at my school that wasn't an asshole. There was a news article written about him. He even had a myspace page. Apparently he was scheduled to come home on March 9th. He will be missed.

Son of a bitch, my feet hurt! I train in shotokan karate, and lately it is tearing up my feet way more than usual. I actually had to rip off a blister in the middle of class today. I didn't even think of it at the time, but now I'm thinking, that's gross. It just sucks that I don't have more time to devote to training because I have to go after my first job, and before my second. So by the end of the day, I'm practically delirious from being so tired. I told myself I would come home and relax, maybe meditate, and instead, I'm loading SG pics onto my phone. Not that it's bad, I just have to wake up for another days work in 6 hours. Hopefully I will have some naughty dreams