"This Could Be Love" -- Alkaline Trio

I've got a book of matches
I've got a can of kerosene
I've got some bad ideas involving you and me
I don't blame you for walking away
I touched myself had thoughts of flames
I shat the bed and laid there in it
Thinking of you wide awake for days
Wide awake for days

And I found you tongue-tied in my twisted little brain
You couldn't crack a smile
I didn't catch your name
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
In four short steps we can erase this

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop off at Edgebrook Creek and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one

I'm like a broken record
I've got a needle scratching me
It injects the poison of alcohol I.V.
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
I swear to God it's not contagious

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Lake Michigan and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one

This could be love - love for fire
This could be love - love for fire
This could be love - love for fire
This could be love for fire forevermore

Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Berkeley Marina and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one
One by one

i've been frustrated in finding a person who has a genuine adoration of knowledge, an obsession with the beautiful details of life, an insatiable curiousity, and a real selfless attitude.
someone who looks at me with true respect and adoration for the person i AM, NOW; and not a damn thing rose-colored.

i'm a warm, accepting, feels-familiar personality; few realize that my heart is under 6 feet of ice, accessible only by a person i can trust and respect in every way.

i display myself first as sensual to the online world; this is not accident nor is it compulsive. it is a conscious device to weed out losers.
slobbering cyber-adoration? ...i laugh when alone. electronic attempts at sexual intimacy? ...i only feel contempt. empty accolades and friend-mongering? ...disregarded completely.
my bullshit detector is state-of-the-art; no point play-acting at something you're not, or force-feeding me the thing that you are.

i seek to suck the marrow from life, not fester in predictibility. the fact that i don't read fiction and hate television should be indication alone. the way i bask in the nuances of the English language and seek to find new souls to feed should be a post-it note on my picture. my dissatisfaction with "the way things are" is not generalized disillusion, but rather, a grasping knowledge of something deeper.

selfishness? old-school. ego? offensive.
perfect frankness about the human condition and one's shifting place in this chaos?
...please, come over here, by me.
i want to know you.

me? 11/16/2008

kiss me again
i dare you
you’ll never know it isn’t me

i’m a girl I saw once
just a girl
wide-eyed in your mouth

breathy, being here
moaning
wandering in the dance steps

intricacies of pulse and pound
keep you interested
while i’m a clean slate

so, so lonely
long-legged and sad
as deeper you push

jokingly, knowingly, pretendingly
i give in

here’s looking at you, kid