Well, despite an incredibly shite start to the week where for forty-eight relentless hours I felt like a tiny grain of sand, stuck, screaming silently, in the hourglass - gripped with the FUCKING RAGE of witnessing time sliding by without being enjoyed and savoured properly - it is now after work on Wednesday, so I have passed this week's halfway milestone. Only 2 days to go then I can start saying, "Just two weeks to go!" .... I hate wishing days away like this, who knows how many I have left to go?
My boss bought me a self-help book today (!). Out of the blue, as I sat - inwardly pouting, outwardly shellbacked and hardly breathing from the sheer weight of relentless boredom pressing down on me - at the computer, twisting hair aimlessly around my finger and pretending to read some work-related nonsense on the screen, he darted in the door and threw a book at me.
"Early Christmas present, Ange!" he barked, and ran out the door again.
It turned out to be a book called, "Natural Born Winners" and is all about how to raise your confidence levels, etc.
One thing I would like to know: JUST WHERE THE FUCK DID EVERYONE GET THIS IDEA THAT I'M A SHY, RETIRING, WILTING-PANSY OF A GIRL FROM?!?!?!
I mean, sure it was nice of him (in a really stupid way - I fucking HATE self help books) but I'm kind of insulted (not that I would ever say that to him, I mean I'm sure he expected me to be bowled over with self-effacing, feminine-fluttery gratitude) but for FUCK'S SAKE. Now I'll have to READ the damn thing.
Can anything be more useless than a self-help book? Why would I value the words and advice of someone whom I know nothing about, have never met or had the chance to form respect for, and who has no understanding of me, my personality or circumstances? It positively bamboozles me.
People in this stupid office are always telling me I need to be more confident. This really pisses me off as I AM confident, I just have the nous to know when I'm not actually that good at something, and have enough self-confidence to make no bones about saying so (to me, this is true confidence -!).
This approach seems to be backfiring somewhat aggravatingly, though - perhaps I should assume the arrogant posture of a blowhard and pretend to know everything about everything, even when I don't, just so I can get through a day without being hounded to "be confident".
So now this book - a giant, thick TOME of a book - is slumped like a wad of typewritten phlegm in my outbox, and it's looking smugly at me. I refuse to squander any time on the thing. But I don't want to be rude ... quandary alert!
On another note, the Eligible Bachelor of a few days' entries ago turned out to be an incredibly annoying fuckwit and Jeremy and I both have lots of fun trashing him. It's funny, that - I kind of had an inkling that he might turn out to be that way. It's a sad fact of life that usually (for me) when I suspect that I will end up disliking somebody intensely, I usually do.
As to why: he's just too much of a prominent New-Ager. Blah, blah, yoga. Blah, blah, balsamic-vinegar-and-lentil-salad-for-lunch. Oh yes, my girlfriend bought me this ecofriendly bubblebath and I use this eco-friendly facemask (!!!!) when I'm wallowing in all my unmasculine, stick-insect glory in the frilly hyacinth-scented waters. (I mean, I LOVE yoga and holistic therapies and delicious healthy food; but he was really aggressively virtuous about it, as though he was deliberately flaunting what an attractive new-age man he is. Ugh!!)
He also became disconcertingly flirtatious, which I hate - it ruins all my respect for a potential guy friend if he can't even try and be a proper person, just has to let his sexuality intrude into everything. It actually made me really uncomfortable, he was so obvious about it - disrespectful to me (because obviously I'm not interested, my fucking boyfriend is sitting not three feet away across the office -!), disrespectful to aforementioned boyfriend, and just damnably unprofessional, really. When I think some guy has a thing for me and it is not returned, it just creeps me out spending time with them. We were meant to go to a yoga class the other day, together, which I REALLY did not want to do - it just seemed kind of sexual, if you know what I mean (lots of deep breathing, tight stretchy clothing, etc) and I didn't want him like looking at my arse when I was bending over, so I was very relieved when it was cancelled! I ended up being talked into a walk along the beach instead (horrible romantic connotations there) but it was OK as I just made polite, deliberatly boring conversation and walked really fast. Ha!
He's back on Friday, so I shall be cool and distant to him and just avoid the fuck out of him really.
Can't wait to come hoooooooooome ...
xoxox
My boss bought me a self-help book today (!). Out of the blue, as I sat - inwardly pouting, outwardly shellbacked and hardly breathing from the sheer weight of relentless boredom pressing down on me - at the computer, twisting hair aimlessly around my finger and pretending to read some work-related nonsense on the screen, he darted in the door and threw a book at me.
"Early Christmas present, Ange!" he barked, and ran out the door again.
It turned out to be a book called, "Natural Born Winners" and is all about how to raise your confidence levels, etc.
One thing I would like to know: JUST WHERE THE FUCK DID EVERYONE GET THIS IDEA THAT I'M A SHY, RETIRING, WILTING-PANSY OF A GIRL FROM?!?!?!
I mean, sure it was nice of him (in a really stupid way - I fucking HATE self help books) but I'm kind of insulted (not that I would ever say that to him, I mean I'm sure he expected me to be bowled over with self-effacing, feminine-fluttery gratitude) but for FUCK'S SAKE. Now I'll have to READ the damn thing.
Can anything be more useless than a self-help book? Why would I value the words and advice of someone whom I know nothing about, have never met or had the chance to form respect for, and who has no understanding of me, my personality or circumstances? It positively bamboozles me.
People in this stupid office are always telling me I need to be more confident. This really pisses me off as I AM confident, I just have the nous to know when I'm not actually that good at something, and have enough self-confidence to make no bones about saying so (to me, this is true confidence -!).
This approach seems to be backfiring somewhat aggravatingly, though - perhaps I should assume the arrogant posture of a blowhard and pretend to know everything about everything, even when I don't, just so I can get through a day without being hounded to "be confident".
So now this book - a giant, thick TOME of a book - is slumped like a wad of typewritten phlegm in my outbox, and it's looking smugly at me. I refuse to squander any time on the thing. But I don't want to be rude ... quandary alert!
On another note, the Eligible Bachelor of a few days' entries ago turned out to be an incredibly annoying fuckwit and Jeremy and I both have lots of fun trashing him. It's funny, that - I kind of had an inkling that he might turn out to be that way. It's a sad fact of life that usually (for me) when I suspect that I will end up disliking somebody intensely, I usually do.
As to why: he's just too much of a prominent New-Ager. Blah, blah, yoga. Blah, blah, balsamic-vinegar-and-lentil-salad-for-lunch. Oh yes, my girlfriend bought me this ecofriendly bubblebath and I use this eco-friendly facemask (!!!!) when I'm wallowing in all my unmasculine, stick-insect glory in the frilly hyacinth-scented waters. (I mean, I LOVE yoga and holistic therapies and delicious healthy food; but he was really aggressively virtuous about it, as though he was deliberately flaunting what an attractive new-age man he is. Ugh!!)
He also became disconcertingly flirtatious, which I hate - it ruins all my respect for a potential guy friend if he can't even try and be a proper person, just has to let his sexuality intrude into everything. It actually made me really uncomfortable, he was so obvious about it - disrespectful to me (because obviously I'm not interested, my fucking boyfriend is sitting not three feet away across the office -!), disrespectful to aforementioned boyfriend, and just damnably unprofessional, really. When I think some guy has a thing for me and it is not returned, it just creeps me out spending time with them. We were meant to go to a yoga class the other day, together, which I REALLY did not want to do - it just seemed kind of sexual, if you know what I mean (lots of deep breathing, tight stretchy clothing, etc) and I didn't want him like looking at my arse when I was bending over, so I was very relieved when it was cancelled! I ended up being talked into a walk along the beach instead (horrible romantic connotations there) but it was OK as I just made polite, deliberatly boring conversation and walked really fast. Ha!
He's back on Friday, so I shall be cool and distant to him and just avoid the fuck out of him really.
Can't wait to come hoooooooooome ...
xoxox