For me, my vice isn't alcohol or drugs it's gambling. It started out as a bit of fun. A way of mixing my knowledge of sports and make a little money while I did it. It's ended with me spending a ridiculous amount of time researching bets, placing bets and worrying about said bets. The first thing I do in a morning is check last nights bets on my phone to see how I've got on. Hobbies I used to enjoy have been replaced with gambling. In a nutshell, it's taking over my life.
In the UK you can't watch sports on TV without being bombarded with adverts for bookmakers and gambling apps etc. At the end of each of these adverts it warns the viewer to "always bet responsibly" and to "stop when the fun stops" I've never before believed that these messages were aimed at me but I'm starting to realise that they absolutely are. I don't always bet responsibly. I stopped having fun a long time ago and yet I continue to gamble.
Almost everything that these betting apps warn you not to do, I'm guilty of. I chase my losses. Once I'm behind, I raise the stakes to try to catch up. I lie to people I know about how much I gamble. I bet when I'm tired or angry or upset.
My only saving grace is that the stakes I play for are not of the 'high roller' variety. Financially I'm still Ok. I'm not a "$1000 on black" guy. I lose little but often and over time that has become a problem. I daren't look at how much I've spent/lost over the last few months but I know it must be in the hundreds. That may not sound a lot to some but to me it's a lot of money. I work a minimum wage job. I manage to save what I can but I haven't got money to just waste like this. I was brought up by my Mum on her own and I know how hard things were financially. I understand the value of money and yet I continue to waste it in this way.
Thankfully I feel like I may have turned a corner. It's been 2 days since I last placed a bet. I deleted the apps off of my phone and iPad. I have finally admitted to myself that it's not just a 'problem' it's an addiction and I'm certain that I want to stop. I'm looking forward to spending my time doing other, more productive things. Gambling can be a lot of fun, if you get the balance right but I understand now that that is something I am not capable of doing.
I'm sure there are plenty of folks out there who have their own tales of addiction. I'd love to hear some of them.
Thanks for reading
David