I don't know if it's one thing or... everything, but I'm getting really tired of everything lately. Maybe it's the monotony of work, every day seems to blend together. Maybe it's the lack of (other things). I feel like I really need to change something before I... I don't know what, but it probably won't be good.

To start off this paragraph of ranting, I know everything there is to know regarding my current job position. And, entering defects into D5 excluded (takes about 5 minutes to learn), I'm fully Lead trained. Spending 4 years testing printers that don't work right probably doesn't help my cause either. Maybe I'm getting burned out? I really feel like I need to motivate myself to up and leave that place, but there are 2 problems with that. First off, as much as I'm tired of doing the job, I already know everything there is about it and I'm a creature of habit. Second, I really like the people I work with and know that if I leave, I'll probably never see most of them again. Take Audra for instance; she's really nice, funny and we get along great at work, but every time we've hung out outside of work (birthday parties, 4th of July, housewarming, etc) we get all awkward and can't talk about anything. And now that Ramiro and Brittnee left (who I'm really good friends with), I'm lucky if I see either of them each month. Finally, I really like having Friday, Saturday and Sunday off every week. Oh, I did find out exactly how much my company charges HP for my services and how little of that I'm actually given. It's pretty sucky. Things like that have led me to consider taking Brittnee's advice to apply at Dotster, seeing how well they treat their employees and all, but I don't like the thought of mandatory overtime and how much more work it all is. That's what I get for being afraid of change...

Regarding other things, I'm really starting to piss myself off. Sometimes I'm such a... I just don't do what I need to. I'm really attracted to this girl Danielle at work, but I'm too scared to try and find out of the feeling is even slightly mutual. She let me trick her into getting her phone number a while back, so that's got to prove that she doesn't hate me. We also make small-talk about every day, but it's nothing to write home about. Every time I have a slightest idea of how I might start the conversation leading to the conclusion of her finding out how I feel, I run the conversation over and over in my head and find all the realistic ways it could end sans my favor. Maybe it's a self-esteem problem, maybe it's from being homeschooled and otherwise sheltered my whole life, maybe it's just who I am, I don't know. All I know is I'm sick of it but don't know how the hell to do anything about it. GAAAAAAAAH!!!

I just need to do something, mix things up somehow. Maybe then I'll be able to tell the difference between one day and the next.

/sigh

I have a 'stalker' (aka jailbait who likes me)
I try to put her down nicely, she's gets less subtle
I spent my whole paycheck on 6 months of car insurance
I was driving home the other night, lost all grip on a hill, pushed my bumper in an inch and cracked a headlight
I get to be a lead at work later today
I have worked at the same place for 4 years
I still don't know how Danielle feels about me
I don't get to go bungee jumping this Saturday
I will probably go skydiving instead (first time ever to be in a plane)
I will also try to get Danielle to jump with me but most likely fail
I can't sleep :C
I... I don't know anymore

Let's see... haven't posted in forever. Not too eventful weekend... Friday I went to the mall, picked up the new MxPx cd (Secret Weapon, and it's pretty decent), ran into Nathan and Rosie (slash they almost ran over me, hehe) and ended up seeing Transformers again. Later that evening/the next morning I got a call to rescue Ramiro from Mill Plain. It seemed as if his car broke down. So after finding him, I hooked up the jumper cables, 5 minutes later he started his car and another 5 minutes later we disconnected the cable so we could drive away. His car died before I even got the cable back in the bag. He might need a new alternator :C

Other than that, this has pretty much been a chill weekend. I'm also getting excited for Brittneepalooza (err, *ahem* Brittnee and Ashley palooza). Need to buy liquor. Also need to find out if it's Friday/Sat or Sat/Sun, what time to arrive, what to bring and if I can bring... someone (that is, if she'd come, but more on that later).

Work-wise, I haven't been on a real test in like a month. I've been babysitting a slew or two then spending the other 8 to 9 hours acting as lead support. It's been nice to have a break from real testing. I've been feeling kinda burned out from it, so this has been helping. Oh, and I found out that come September I'm going to be receiving some real lead training for when Tonie takes a week off later that month. Tonie actually requested that I be her fill-in. I actually feel kind of honored that she picked me. Oh, and this last Thursday I was picked by Mary Bonnell to be 'The Senior Operator' that got to talk to the Lionbridge Corporate fancy pants that were visiting the site. They ended up leaving at 2PM and were going to finish their tour thing the next day, so I didn't end up answering their questions, but that doesn't change the fact that she picked me: black/blue spiky haired, double chained wallet and all. It's nice to be recognized. That and the fact I actually have benefits are probably the only reasons I'm still there.

One last topic to tackle tonight. So there's this coworker; she's almost 21, she's really nice, attractive, somewhat of a rebel and pretty much awesome. The problem is, other people have said she told them she's not really into the whole 'relationship thing' kinda like Kelly's distaste (not fear) of commitment. She hasn't ever mentioned that to me, only a few stories involving an ex-boyfriend. It's times like this I really wish I hadn't been homeschooled my whole life so I'd have a clue what to do. I just... gah. We did exchange phone numbers, so that's got to count for something. She also volunteered to color my hair when I mentioned I was planning on having it done. She's also part of the reason I did it. I mean, I had been planning on eventually doing it for a while, but she motivated me to finally get it done. Sort of like the straw that broke the camel's back, but in a good way. The problem is, what if she doesn't have any sort of interest in me like that? I'm sick and tired of awkward situations and I really like talking with her. If she was all, "Thanks but no thanks" could we still retain our current friendship as is or would she end up wanting me to stay the hell away from her? Would I still feel comfortable around her and be able to smalltalk for hours like we currently do? I really want it to work out between us, but I really don't want to be rejected again so soon, especially from another girl on my shift.

So, my strategy is as follows: I try to hang out with her more often, possibly starting with an invite to Britt's next weekend. We enjoy ourselves while we're there and hang out again sometime. I find out if she's even remotely interested in me and go from there.

I'm such a nerd...

So last week on Thursday the components for Deepblue Mk2 arrived just before I left for work. I put it together that night, then the next day I partitioned off 50GB, installed XP on it and took it to Scott's for the inaugural LAN. The next 6 days were solid confusion of "Why the hell won't it recognize all 3 drives in the array?! Why does it bluescreen during install?! WTF?!" and such. I still don't know why it wouldn't correctly register all 2.25TB in one array, but the bluescreen issue was caused because Vista x64 hates more than 2GB of ram. At least it does until KB929777 is installed. So now, after a week of being taunted by its sexy black lines, blue lights and 30" of widescreen goodness, it's all good

Oh, and transferring 700GB of... everything takes a long time. Like, a really long time.