2800846
I hardly ever come here. But this is a good place to "vent" I suppose.
Last friday I went to the UK, to rekindle a lost friendship (there is much more to that though). Only to find out that the spark of love which drove me completely insane with said person is not gone after 6 years. It's stronger than ever. This made the whole weekend kinda awkward. As I don't mix well with emotions. I think she was aware of how I felt but it made the whole situation a bit harder as we "split" 6 years ago because I simply became too over protective. My major flaw. How can feelings become so much stronger in 6 years when you don't even see or speak to said person. Mind you, I haven't dated or seen anyone since her. I have my reasons for that.
Anyhows, we also went out clubbing. Something I never ever do as I hate large groups of people/dancing/drinking. But she invited me, and I can't say no. Har har. First couple of hours went ok. I wasn't feeling comfortable but I did enjoy it. That is...untill we went to a very crowded club. That went badly. Full blown panic attacks every few minutes. I managed to stay till we all left but I felt terrible. Couldn't sleep the night after. This is becoming a problem. As I do enjoy the company of the people I was with and I am not an antisocial creature. I just need to find a way to overcome these attacks and the fear I have of large groups of people. Probably doesn't help that I am self conscious and insecure as f***. Beating cancer was much easier than beating this package of problems. Seeing how the rest interacts with each other makes me wish I was normal and is pushing me into a depression again. Curse of the Virgo
I hardly ever come here. But this is a good place to "vent" I suppose.
Last friday I went to the UK, to rekindle a lost friendship (there is much more to that though). Only to find out that the spark of love which drove me completely insane with said person is not gone after 6 years. It's stronger than ever. This made the whole weekend kinda awkward. As I don't mix well with emotions. I think she was aware of how I felt but it made the whole situation a bit harder as we "split" 6 years ago because I simply became too over protective. My major flaw. How can feelings become so much stronger in 6 years when you don't even see or speak to said person. Mind you, I haven't dated or seen anyone since her. I have my reasons for that.
Anyhows, we also went out clubbing. Something I never ever do as I hate large groups of people/dancing/drinking. But she invited me, and I can't say no. Har har. First couple of hours went ok. I wasn't feeling comfortable but I did enjoy it. That is...untill we went to a very crowded club. That went badly. Full blown panic attacks every few minutes. I managed to stay till we all left but I felt terrible. Couldn't sleep the night after. This is becoming a problem. As I do enjoy the company of the people I was with and I am not an antisocial creature. I just need to find a way to overcome these attacks and the fear I have of large groups of people. Probably doesn't help that I am self conscious and insecure as f***. Beating cancer was much easier than beating this package of problems. Seeing how the rest interacts with each other makes me wish I was normal and is pushing me into a depression again. Curse of the Virgo
Last friday I went to the UK, to rekindle a lost friendship (there is much more to that though). Only to find out that the spark of love which drove me completely insane with said person is not gone after 6 years. It's stronger than ever. This made the whole weekend kinda awkward. As I don't mix well with emotions. I think she was aware of how I felt but it made the whole situation a bit harder as we "split" 6 years ago because I simply became too over protective. My major flaw. How can feelings become so much stronger in 6 years when you don't even see or speak to said person. Mind you, I haven't dated or seen anyone since her. I have my reasons for that.
Anyhows, we also went out clubbing. Something I never ever do as I hate large groups of people/dancing/drinking. But she invited me, and I can't say no. Har har. First couple of hours went ok. I wasn't feeling comfortable but I did enjoy it. That is...untill we went to a very crowded club. That went badly. Full blown panic attacks every few minutes. I managed to stay till we all left but I felt terrible. Couldn't sleep the night after. This is becoming a problem. As I do enjoy the company of the people I was with and I am not an antisocial creature. I just need to find a way to overcome these attacks and the fear I have of large groups of people. Probably doesn't help that I am self conscious and insecure as f***. Beating cancer was much easier than beating this package of problems. Seeing how the rest interacts with each other makes me wish I was normal and is pushing me into a depression again. Curse of the Virgo