Hello again SG.

My life has done this slightly bizarre 360... I restarted this account at a similar time as to when I joined originally...
I was pregnant with my daughter Penny. 5 years ago.

I'm now pregnant again.
But life is a bit different.
I'm married, I am a month away from having a mortgage, I'm stable, and genuinely happy.
I re read my entire blog and I feel so sad for the girl who was writing those entries. She was miserable and didn't want to be where she was.

To be fair there are a few similarities between myself and that girl, I am still damn lazy.
But I'm working on that.
I will definitely be a better housewife this time around.

Now, to turn on some music and clean this place up...

You know how sometimes you get a thought in your head and you wish it would go away?
Yeah, I wish this thought would go away.
I really wish it would.
I get scared and paranoid that he'll wake up one day and realise, shit, I can get so much better, I can get a girl with a hot body, who's free to go out whenever she pleases, who isn't tied down with a baby. Someone like Simone. Ughh Simone. That name makes me feel sick.
I shouldn't think like this. Cos I know he loves me.
But I know he could do so much better.
I gotta go take my mind off this.

Did someone gift me some extra months or something? I swear my time was up in august.

So I have this issue.
I live with my mum and stepdad (that's a whole other issue in itself, but the basis for said issue. ahem. shut up) and they're renovating the house. They have till the end of november to finish the renovations. The day they finish the renovations, they are putting the house on the market. And then moving 2 hours away.
I can't afford to move out on my own and I don't know anyone who I can move out with.
They said I can go with them. But...what would I do over there. The place they're moving to is the country.
It's 2 hours away, I wouldn't have any friends or a job. I don't know what I'm going to do.
yuck.

Hmm still here?

I'm sure it was august.

I dunno.
I'll update properly later. For now I must go drop step sister at school.

Why the fuck can I just not have something go right for me?
This is all too difficult and I cannot deal with the drama.
Sick sick fucking sick of it all.
Sick of Luke and his pathetic ways.
Sick of Adam and his lack of understanding and excessive drinking.
I desperately want to move away.

I'm seeing a guy.
He looks like Kurt Cobain.
He's such a rockstar.
He plays guitar and sings and loves music as much as I do.
Kindred spirits.

I need to start going back to the gym.
I'm sitting here thinking, I COULD GO NOW, but then it's like, eh, I'm already in my work clothes and it means I have to get all sweaty n stuff nd redo my hair and make up once I'm finished and I'm gonna need to go pick up penny soon. And I have to drop her at daycare and make sure I'm not late to work and fuck it I have no petrol. Ughhhhh.

FUCK IT.

Acid
Dance Parties
Ecstasy
Ramalama Bang Bang
NOS
Whores
Rush
Making out
Alcohol
Nicotine
Gay boys
Break ups
Rough sex
Secrets
New friends
Restraining orders
Gay bars


Something is happening to me.