So long between posts....
I guess thats what happens when life gets a hold of you!
But of course, life gives us some time to breathe and that brings me here, back to reflect on that so called "life" of mine.
The last few months have seemed like a blur.....eventually all the days and nights started to blur together and the situation i was in was starting to eat me alive! A very low point in my life, but luckily i was smart enough to see that and i know that running away isnt the answer, but in this case most defintly was! And a good answer at that. I left Airlie Beach at the end of January. 2 days before cyclone Yatsi hit. For some sick reason, that made me sad...im not sure why i want to experience something like that. Iv put it to the rush and the feeling of not having any control over the situation. Mother Nature is a crazy force, and i have full respect for her. She intrigues me.....and some day i hope i am involved when she opens up those gates to hell . Does that make me crazy? I want to travel to the states and go tornado chasing, something that always has amazed me....one day.
So basically i left Airlie Beach because not only was my job folding beneath me but I was not dealing with having no friends and my room mates turned from mates to enemies in what seemed like a very short time. I felt so uncomfortable living there, that it drove me to my bedroom every night and i would not want to come out. I actually, for the first time admitted to being "depressed" and was considering going to see a doctor about how i felt. I have always laughed off anti-depressents, saying i would never ever need them. I had no motivation , and when people would ring/message asking me to go out or come over, id make up some silly excuse or just not answer at all. I mean, i had my good days, but the majority of december and january, i was sad, tired and simply alone. That word sums up exactly how i felt, and i dont think anyone should ever feel that way. Alone.
Then...

So long between posts....
I guess thats what happens when life gets a hold of you!
But of course, life gives us some time to breathe and that brings me here, back to reflect on that so called "life" of mine.
The last few months have seemed like a blur.....eventually all the days and nights started to blur together and the situation i was in was starting to eat me alive! A very low point in my life, but luckily i was smart enough to see that and i know that running away isnt the answer, but in this case most defintly was! And a good answer at that. I left Airlie Beach at the end of January. 2 days before cyclone Yatsi hit. For some sick reason, that made me sad...im not sure why i want to experience something like that. Iv put it to the rush and the feeling of not having any control over the situation. Mother Nature is a crazy force, and i have full respect for her. She intrigues me.....and some day i hope i am involved when she opens up those gates to hell . Does that make me crazy? I want to travel to the states and go tornado chasing, something that always has amazed me....one day.
So basically i left Airlie Beach because not only was my job folding beneath me but I was not dealing with having no friends and my room mates turned from mates to enemies in what seemed like a very short time. I felt so uncomfortable living there, that it drove me to my bedroom every night and i would not want to come out. I actually, for the first time admitted to being "depressed" and was considering going to see a doctor about how i felt. I have always laughed off anti-depressents, saying i would never ever need them. I had no motivation , and when people would ring/message asking me to go out or come over, id make up some silly excuse or just not answer at all. I mean, i had my good days, but the majority of december and january, i was sad, tired and simply alone. That word sums up exactly how i felt, and i dont think anyone should ever feel that way. Alone.
Then there is Luke. Who i met a few years ago at home, but he recently just moved to Mackay, and asked if i wanted to meet up. So we did, and then started to hang out nearly every day while i was in Airlie Beach. I knew he liked me, infact, i knew he had a thing for me those 4 years ago the first time he looked at me. He was a good friend to have around when i was in such a low place. He's been through depression before, so i asked him a few things, and we would always talk about why and what was making me feel that way. He was a better listener than my girlfriends. He told me i wasnt depressed and was infact one of the happiest, most coolest chicks he had ever met, and for him to see me down was so out of character it was hard for him to understand. He gave me one option and one option only. GO HOME. He had seen the way my roommates treated me, what they said to me and he knew that was the core of my sadness. He promised me that once i was home with people that love me i will look back to those few months and laugh at the whole thing. Well he did get one thing right. I am home. And i am now surrounded by love and respect. I am happy. And while i do not look back on that situation and laugh, i do try and remember every feeling that i felt, to be sure that when it happens again i know there needs to be change, not medication.
In saying that, all Airlie Beach wasnt bad. I did some amazing things while i was there...i got my PADI open water dive certificate, jumped off the waterfall at ceder creek and met johnny, a boy i could see myself getting very comfortable with. Unfortunatly he seen how comfortable i was getting, and told me straight out, "your too keen, and im just not looking for a relationship". He was right. I was too keen. But how do you hold back when you have such strong feelings for someone! I really dont know. But another lesson i learned!!!
I have been home for a week now and have caught up with all my close friends. Sarah and ashlee are pregnant, and there bellys are just starting to show. I am still coming to terms with my 2 best mates having kids at this age, but its their life, their path they chose. I havent been out to any nightclubs and i dont think i will while im home. There are alot of people here that i dont wish to run into, and i really feel like i have no time or energy for them.
Sarah, Brooke and I went to the george for dinner last night, i had a lovely salmon risotto....was so delicious! Me and Brooke decided to stay and have a few more drinks, we had the best conversation we have had in a long long time. I finally had the courage to tell her how hurt i felt when she brought khan to hamilton island, and what such a mistake that was. But you cant put love on hold and i guess i dont blame her. People do crazy things for love. She regretted doing it and knew things would be a lot different if that never happened, but dont look back. We have been apart for a year now, her staying on Hamilton Island and me doing my own thing, going to the snow and then to Airlie Beach and in that time we have missed each other crazily! It feels like every time i am having an awsome time i still feel like something is missing, and its her! My plans were to go to canada at the end of the year, but she has asked me to go to Spain with her in september for a month. I said on one condition....."no khan".So as of now, my savings are to get me and my best friend to Spain! We met some guys at the pub last night, and they asked us to go back to theres, so with much persuasion from me we did! and it was the best night in a longggg time! the boys were so nice and funny and once we got to their house we had half a pill and they bought out all these dressup clothes, so we all put on a costume and ran around like crazy kids! It was weird....but it was so much fun! I was dresssed up as the horse from gumby, bruk had a life jacket and weird stuff on, one guy was a shark, the other a magician, the other with a japanese wrestling suit on....hahahaha thinking of it makes me giggle. Brooke had to work , so we had to leave ...i didnt want to because i was quite keen on phil, and turns out he was keen on me....when we left he kissed me and asked me to stay, but bruk didnt want to walk home alone. I left, but once got back to brookes asked if i could go back there as i couldnt sleep....she wouldnt let me and quite honestly was the smartest idea. I ended up walking home to my house at 5am in the morning and crashed out. When i woke up i had messages from phil saying please come back, i wanna spoon bla bla bla. Dammmmmit! He was a cutie, and i did a lil bit of a face stalk today and hes even cuter than i thought!!! Oh well...these things happen.
I leave for Bali in 3 weeks and am super excited! I am going with my parents and my mums friend, who goes to bali atleast 2 times every year for as long as i can remember. She knows everywhere and everyone and i am glad she is coming. It will take the stress off mum and dad and it will be good to meet all the locals. Once i am home from Bali , on the 22nd of March i leave for the Northern Territory on the 26th. Where i got myself a job in a roadhouse, doing pretty much everything. Reception,restuarant, bar, store, housekeeping etc. Its going to be very different as its in the middle of the desert, nothing ive ever experience before but i am totally ready and excited for the new challange! Its great pay, and all food and accom is included, so it will be an awsome place to save those pennies to get rid of that credit card debt and save for overseas working holiday.
So i have a very busy few months coming up, thats why this month of febuary has been totally dedicatd to relaxing and catching up with friends and family as i`l be off again in a few weeks.
Shit. Ive wrote so much. i dont even know what ive wrote. A whole lot of pish posh im sure....
Anyways, ive finished EAT PREY LOVE. Great read!! The dvd came out today, so i went and hired it...its awaiting to be watched, so thats what im going to do now. Im very excited about watching the film, i imagine its going to be good.
Alrite, well untill next time.