nicole_powers

Fans of the '90s alt-rock hitmakers Garbage will have to wait a wee bit longer for the long-awaited solo album from the band's lead vixen Shirley Manson and maybe even longer for a new release from the group that brought us such hits as "Stupid Girl," "Only Happy When It Rains," "#1 Crush," and "The World is Not Enough," the theme from the James Bond film of the same name.

You see, Manson's got a new gig and she is rather enjoying it. The redheaded singer-turned-actress from Edinburgh, Scotland, has a co-starring role on Fox's hit show Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles where she plays the shape-shifting Terminator ( la Robert Patrick in Terminator 2) Catherine Weaver, who is sent back from the future to run the fictitious ZeiraCorp tech company, which serves as a precursor to Skynet, the company that will ultimately ensure machine's triumph over man.

Manson kicked ass onstage with Garbage, cementing her place as one of the strongest female figures in music in the '90s, and now she is kicking ass as a stone-cold fox of a Terminator for the TV version of the sci-fi thriller series. At her Los Feliz, CA, home, Manson, 40, talked music, television, women's issues, and her battles with cutting, depression, body dysmorphic disorder, and more... over a cup of tea, of course.

Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna: This is your very first acting role and it's a starring one at that. How did it come about?

Shirley Manson: I was at a baby shower with my friend Christine. Her husband Josh [Friedman] is a writer on the show and we bonded over The Black Dahlia, which he wrote. We went out to lunch and Christine said that Josh talked on and on about having me in his TV show. I didn't even know he had a TV show. When she said it was Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I laughed, because it thought it would be fucking great. A lot of roles have come my way over the years, but nothing I was in the mood for at the time. But, to be honest, I was just scared to take that leap to acting.

CBV: Where you a big fan of the Terminator movies?

SM: I was a huge Terminator freak. Terminator 2 [Judgment Day] was my favorite because of Linda Hamilton. She was badass. She was really super hard core in that role. She was so strong. And, today, there are no real strong powerful females anywhere. This role was a great opportunity for me.

CBV: Were you nervous going into that first audition?

SM: I was sooo terrified. It was horrible. It was really, really frightening. But I knew I had to take a risk. I had never been on an audition before so I didn't know what to expect and I was shocked to see other actresses there when I arrived. It really freaked me out. I was like, "Oh my God. This is like a shootout." I was green. I went in and did it. And I felt odd. I didn't think for a second I'd get it, and then they called me back and I had to do two other auditions before I got the role.

CBV: I read that the character you play, Catherine Weaver, was modeled after two unlikely people: actress Glenn Close and former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. Do explain.

SM: The character that Glenn Close plays in the TV show Damages [influenced] me in the same way that Margaret Thatcher did. I was thinking of whom I thought of as really dangerous women. Margaret Thatcher was someone I grew up really fearing. And Glenn Close's character in Damages (on FX) is one of the few women on TV who actually manages to be female and frightening and threatening and powerful at the same time. Women like this don't exist in the media anymore. It's so much fun to play.

CBV: Do you get any coaching for your acting or did you go au natural?

SM: I had no time to prepare for the role or see a coach. There was only time to get fitted for outfits. I get to wear some beautiful shoes on the show. I think in some ways when you front a band you have to be a bit of a Terminator in you anyway. It's not that much of a stretch. It came at the perfect time. I needed change in my life. I love music and I will always love music, but I needed to take a break from Garbage and try something different. I just felt I needed to challenge myself.

CBV: Weren't you supposed to be doing a solo record, and wouldn't that have been a challenge for you too? Where are you at with that?

SM: I had a record deal with Geffen at the time and I had taken some of my solo music into the record label. They didn't really care for the direction I was moving in and I found it really disheartening. They wanted a pop hit, which I understand in terms of making money. I get that. But what they were going to ask of me was something I wasn't prepared to deliver and I felt kind of trapped. I just stopped writing. I just stopped. It was stifling. Not fun. I just wanted to go in my natural direction and sing about what I wanted to sing about. I'm not a kid anymore and I don't want to write about the kind of things that people want to hear from women on the radio.

CBV: How do you feel about the state of the music industry today?

SM: I came up in music when women were empowered and we enjoyed a certain window in history where alternative music was popular music and now it's not. It's been pushed back into the boonies. Today, they want pretty girls singing titillating songs and if that's what people want, that's what they want. But I can't do that. There is no dissent out there at all. The women in music are mostly un-empowered. They are saying nothing and challenging nothing or nobody. I find it astounding.

CBV: Garbage fans need to know. It's it over-over or really just a hiatus?

SM: We genuinely took hiatus. You never know what will happen. I just got bored singing the same fucking songs. I couldn't stand it one more second. And I also felt embarrassed. We'd go to the U.K. and do TV shows designed for super young kids, like 12-year-olds who want the Jonas Brothers, and I'm standing there a 40-year-old woman feeling completely bogus and I just couldn't stomach it anymore. I felt ashamed of myself. I felt this is no longer my playground and I have to step out of it. I feel my role as an artist is different now and has to be different now. I don't want to be mutton dressed as lamb. I don't want to hide my age. I don't want to try to be something I'm not just to further our career. I want to be truthful and I want to be relevant to myself. I want to honor myself and my life and my age and my experience.

CBV: You've gone through a lot over the years. You've talked openly about your past problems with cutting, body dysmorphic disorder, depression, anxiety, childhood bullies, and low self-esteem. I think some of our SG readers can really benefit from hearing about those experiences and how you overcame them.

SM: I've known of Suicide Girls for a very long time and a lot of Garbage's fans consider themselves part of that movement for want of a better word... I feel a real kinship with your readership and I always have because I understand what it's like to want to bail on all the notions of what a woman should be, should do, or should look like shoved down your throat. I railed against that my entire life.

From being a young child to being in a band with three men, I had always felt I was on the periphery of society. I always felt on the periphery of being beautiful my entire life. I'm not conventionally attractive. I'm not beautiful in the sense that you would never see me on the front cover of Playboy -- flat chested, skinny, not a male pleaser. The need and expectations to be beautiful has been a real sticking point for me because there is always going to be on society a barometer of what is considered conventionally attractive. It is designed to drive women insane. I feel like the beauty expectation is a way of controlling women, and I really genuinely sincerely believe that. It's leading women to believe they are constantly falling short.

CBV: Do you still not feel beautiful?

SM: Yes. My whole life. I can barely watch myself on TV now.

CBV: I look up to you, as a role model of style, beauty and female empowerment because you are beautiful and sexy but without having to be what other think is typically beautiful and sexy. To me that is even sexier than the norm. And, you've been on the cover of music magazines. Don't you find strength in that?

SM: No. It's something I still fight. And actively fight. And I hate myself for feeling that way. But I can't deny that there's a semblance of that always operating in my head. I feel like, yeah, I was on the front cover of magazines and many. Why? Because I sold an insane amount of records. [14 million worldwide to be exact.] It had nothing to do with the way I look.

CBV: But isn't it better to be honored for your talent than your looks?

SM: Yes, that in itself was a very empowering moment for me. Yes. But let's not kid ourselves; it wasn't my physicality that got me on the cover of those magazines. And that in itself should be a lesson for anyone out there who feels that they are disenfranchised physically. When you do well at whatever you do in life that in itself is considered attractive. People see you in a very different light when they see you are fulfilled and happy then when you are unhappy and disempowered.

CBV: How long were you a cutter and how did you get past it?

SM: About two years. That was part of my teenage development. And, then I joined a band and found a way of articulating what was going on inside and found an outlet to let it out. As an adult I realized I was a very hypersensitive child and I'm still hypersensitive. And, I grew up in a family where that was seen as a negative and I've come to realize it was a great gift.

CBV: How has that gift helped you?

SM: I got the gifts of being empathetic, being creative, being sympathetic, and hyper vigilant. Those are gifts. But it's also a curse.

CBV: I know you're over the cutting, but how are you with the how you feel about yourself today? Have some of these problems been worked away?

SM: I don't want them to go away. It's helped me connect with people as an artist. It's been a gift even though it's been uncomfortable at times. There is a constant dialogue running parallel to my life. I don't think I'd want it to go away. In the end, I'm grateful for being wired that way.

CBV: How have you grown the most on an emotional and mental level and found happiness in your life?

SM: Awareness and acknowledgment of our issues is an accomplishment and it comes with age. Let's not kid ourselves -- getting older is not all bad. There are gifts that come with age. I get less frightened. I get much more open to taking risks, and, as a result, you're more likely to get what you want. You have to try to get what you want, and you might not always get it but if you try you feel less bad if you don't get it. I'm not scared anymore. I used to be really scared. I have more of a sense of self-worth because I worked really hard and then got opportunities that came my way. Those things stay with you. How pretty you are how successful you are, those don't stay with you. Those can go away. You're number one for a day and then you slide down. Success is a nebulous idea.

CBV: You've also suffered from depression and anxiety for a long time as well. What advice can you give to people going through it now and not yet seeing a way out?

SM: Find what turns you on and do it. And maybe you don't know what turns you on and it's your job to figure that out. But the point is, do something. A lot of depression isn't necessary chemical, though I do understand that some people are born with chemical imbalances, but some depression is just circumstantial. And, for that, you do have some control over it. You have to take little steps. Do something. Do anything. Join a gym. Just try to change the chi in your life. As a child, I remember thinking someone's going to come into my life and fix it for me and nobody does. Nobody will. We grow up and read fairytales and happy endings; I don't believe in that. But I do believe if you take one step, one tiny step toward whatever it is that you want, that things will slowly change. But it's hard. And it takes guts and a little effort and you don't feel like making an effort.

CBV: I think a key part of getting over certain depressed or anxious states is to know that sometimes your feelings aren't your reality. And, you can change your thinking.

SM: Right. Your feelings are your feelings. How you feel about something it's not real.

CBV: Wow, do we see the same therapist? [Laughs]

SM: [Laughs] But it's true. You can make your thoughts change. Someone once told me, "Shirley your feelings are highjacking your brain. It's holding a gun against your head and you are paralyzed by your feelings. Nobody cares about your feelings. Your feelings don't mean shit." And it took a mile for that penny to drop. And she's right. She said, "You keep running up against the wall, banging your head against the wall, turning around and you're all bloody and you're wondering why nothing has changed. You need to change your mind and you need to walk behind the wall. Just change your mind, walk around the wall. The wall won't change. You change."

If your feelings are leading you to a good place that's one thing, but if your feelings are leading you to complete inertia or depression or whatever it is then something has to change and you can change it. That's easier said than done.

CBV: You've been living in Los Angeles for two years now. What do you love about it?

SM: I learned to drive here. I learned at 40-years-old and it was a great experience because learning something you when you're older is hard. And, it brought me back to feeling young again on my bicycle -- that feeling of excitement, adventure, and opportunity. I associate being free here. It's a great musical community too where people play on each other's records. You can go jam with amazing musicians. And it's just been wonderful, because I grew up in Scotland with very little music community.

CBV: You guested on Gavin Rossdale's new album (on the track "The Trouble I'm In" from Wanderlust), which is out. But what happened with the cover of the Human League's "Don't You Want Me" that you did with Marilyn Manson?

SM: We just never put it out. But I loved him. Working with him was awesome. I really love him.

CBV: Do you totally have the acting bug now?

SM: Yeah. I've totally got he acting bug now.

CBV: What would your ideal next role be? Oooh, you could be a Bond Girl!

SM: Bond Girl! Ha-ha! Yeah! A superhero would be great too.

CBV: Wanna talk about your boyfriend (sound engineer Billy Bush)?

SM: Nooooo. I never talk about that. I wouldn't subject anyone I love to that kind of scrutiny.

CBV: Why don't you have any tattoos?

SM: Because I love tattoos on young skin. I've got a horrible memory of my uncle having a tattoo and I just remember seeing his really old flesh and not being able to identify what the tattoo was. I think they are beautiful and I love the idea. I've thought about it. I'm not 100% against it. My mom's really ill so I thought of getting her name tattooed on me because I thought if I die I would like the traces of what mattered to me on my body. I don't know. I'm still pondering. I always wanted to have one that says Contact. That would be the tattoo I'd get if I decided to get one, probably on the inside of my wrist.

CBV: What did you think of Barack Obama's win?

SM: I am thrilled. You know, I felt sorry for America during the last eight years because I have a lot of respect for this country. I love it and it's been nothing but great to me. I feel like America was done a disservice by the last administration. And, I feel its journalists let America down. I feel very grateful to someone like Billie Joe from Green Day who was one of the few people to sit up and really genuinely take this administration to task. I feel musicians and artists and journalist are the sentinels of this country, but the journalists didn't do their job because they are too afraid.

And I do think Obama is up to the task at hand. He will do the best job he can. He could end up being one of the greats. It reminds me of when Tony Blair got in government in Britain. He too came out after a longstanding conservative rule and he did amazing things for that country. And I feel Obama is similar. He has a completely fresh perspective that he is bringing to the white house. I cried at his speech, everybody cried, right?