I thought I would illustrate how gross my boyfriend is. AND you thought the bo blow was bad??? If you don't know what the BO blow is it's when he lifts his arm pit after a long hard day at work. Stinkin' and sweaty..... One night before it all started, my love and I were lying on the bed, he lovingly put his arm around me, took a deep breath and blew his bo into my face. He does many disgusting things and it's time to spill the beans on his atrocities. I'm going to blow the whistle on the bo.

He takes pictures of, well, his, you know.... poo. And sends them to me. An array of shit, what's worse is that he gives them names like his favourite ones 'Crystal' and 'Critter'.
He pulls his pubes out of his ass and puts them on me... I know this because it's just happened, and it's still somewhere on my chest. He stuck a can of soup up his arse and when I'd forgotten about it he asked me to put the soup on, I ignored him (lazy bastard) so he put the tin on my face as I tried to continue ignoring him. He began chuckling, I wasn't quite sure why he found it amusing. It dawned on me, the smell was a placebo. An absolutely abhorrent experience. I should be welcomed with unicorns, hearts and chocolate, instead I get clouds of stench and arse awaiting me.

The final straw. The other night he chased me with his bum and rubbed it on my all-in-one pyjamas. He proceeded to the toilet and, upon re-entering the room exclaimed that it stank. He let me know that his bum may not have been squeaky clean. I took my pyjamas off and to my horror faint lines of grossness were visable. Pleased with his shock tactics he stood up naked and brandished a hair dryer and blew even more stink towards me. Why am I with him? Sometimes I am astonished by his tenacity and his arse. It does make me laugh, I wished I didn't laugh at it so much, I go through laughing to pure anger and fury. I feel relieved to get it off my chest.. The fucking pubes!!!! Ughhh!!!
Today, he stuck a monkey nut up his arse and threw it at me. He wont be laughing when he sees this hahahahahaaaa. Surpring for someone who is so shy huh? I always swear I will fart in his face when he's asleep but I never wake up to do it... One day.... Enjoy my illustration.

The year is 1870. The Masoch revolution begins.

The Scene. The girl. The dark horse.
You're a man. Wealthy, calculating, with an insatiable lust for power and everything indulgent. The estate is built from your fathers' exports of the exotic and alcoholic. A trade in demand made famous by carrying the body of Admiral Nelson in casket of rum. Time hasn't waited, it's dark and the day has been long with torrential downpours, a sigh of relief upon your return to the manor in the English countryside. Sodden and exhausted you open the door, every step a newly formed puddle on the parquet floors. A dark, smokey, dim lit room with your favourite rum awaits. Mans' ruin. Put the coat on the hook, hat on the stand and drink in the hand. Light the kindle and watch it go up. The leather squeaks as you sink back into the chair to stare at the dancing flames in the fire. Home at last and you're reaping the rewards of your hard work.

But nearly napping, there's a rapping at the door to disturb your comfort, unappeased you open the door to find an angel in tears. Without question you usher the girl in. She speaks of woe and tells you of her struggle to get home through the thick mud on her weak horse. Finally the horse collapses, desperate and in shock she tries to move the horse in vein. It was a long way from home and that's when she saw the light from the fire.

In awe you fall to your knees after her sweet perfume and her sorrowful tale. Like the opportunist you are you comfort her and lead her towards the fire to dry out. Your heart is pounding, it must be her piercing eyes and long flowing ebony hair. She really was an angel adorned with innocence and everything money can't afford. Offer her the Nelsons blood and watch her sip from the crystal, after all a girl like that deserves the finest.

The angel is warming up, no more words are exchanged as the two of you are at ease in the silence. She turns to the fire and you slouch behind her in the chair eyeing up her silhouette. Your usual nasty ways are hindered to stop and think that an angel shouldn't be looked at in such a way, turn your attention and pour yourself another.

Taken by surprise she is more brazen you thought, the opportunist returns. Angel rings out her hair and she takes off her cloak, the poor girl is drenched, her clothes were filthy. She slips the dress to her hips, the rest of the water running down her full firm breasts. Try to keep your breathing from a heavy sound, should you be the gentleman and leave the room or stay if you know what she really wants? You choose to stay. She asks for another rum but the words distort when her portrait perfect pink lips move, imagine what to do with them. Still you get up and serve her again, maybe she's not an angel. You return to her side to smell her perfume once again, her eyes make you feel uneasy and irresponsible. You see her nipples through the mesh of curly black hair. Fuck, she's a goddess and you can't hide wanting her soft skin on yours. She smiles at you in a way that makes the blood rush down. 'Thank you' says the angel, you laugh and retire to the chair. She's on her knees, the silhouette continues, the haunting sounds coming from her wet finger running around the lip of the glass. She bends over to not get out of the heat of the fire, the dress goes past her ass. She arches her back to flick her hair behind her.

She could make you do anything right now. Stroke your moustache and look down on her. She knows what she's doing. Thorough voyeurs entertainment and you've made no advances... She must be a Courtesan.

WE've made it into NME!!!

We pissed our little panties when we found out a day after our release that we were going to have our video featured on the front page of NME. It's a big thing considering we are complete unknowns. (Yeehhaa grandmaaa!)

I am the proud guitarist of an all girl group in London called The Courtesans. We're on the more commerical side of the music industry, we are passionate about music and have been lurking around the music scene for years as backing singers, band members, tour staff blah blah, at the end of last year we came together to create havoc in the studio. A lot of people are just going to see the boobies and think 'Hmmm, bloody attention seekers.' They are right. Tits out, jazz hands, the whole shebang, the lot. Most of the music has been written and produced by us too. Yeah, we're total tech boffs! Not. But we don't do too bad on the ol' mixdown... (we're still learning). We've nearly finished writing and producing all the tracks.

We hope everyone at Suicide Girls will be entertained by us and get hard-ons... or get clit-ons? and ear-ons? I'm just trying to say it's time to get it on y'all

Visit us on: http://www.nme.com/nme-video/the-courtesans---venus-in-furs-nsfw/1424636568001

Support will be massively appreciated... Only if you like us. Love and kisses to all your pink parts (or blue for some).
Saffy.

Hey guys just a quick update on my band for those of you who are following... We've just released the full length trailer for Venus In Furs and as of today it's gone viral! We were a bit nervous about the release because it's uncensored. Everything is on show... And what a show it is.

Tim Mattia and Aaron Kyle who have both produced various music vids inculding You Me At Six, The Dead Weather and Biffy Clyro were ours for the day, we were very excited to be working with them.If there's anyone out there you know that would appreciate this vid please forward it on.

After ONE day we've already made it top of the NME videos on their website!!! Exciting stuff!

I give you our 1st vid by The Courtesans!

http://www.nme.com/nme-video/the-courtesans---venus-in-furs-nsfw/1424636568001

<3 xxx

Check out this vid I did. It was for my friends group. I had to pretend I was on drugs, it wasn't hard... coz I actually was. haha xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLVSlPqVap0&feature=youtu.be

Ladies and gentle wankers, just in case you haven't had the chance, I've got a new LIVE all girl dirty pop band called The Courtesans. We've started public relations but we're not intending to crazy till around March time. So we're leaking bits out here and there. We're lucky to have such a wonderful team and amazing manager backing us.

If you are interested and would like to help us on our way please show your support on facebook.com/thecourtesans

Me


Monique


Sinead


Agnes


Can't wait to show you the full length uncensored clip! Much love to all,

Saffire
xxxxxxx

Ok peoples, here's a sneak preview of my all girl band clip. We're going mainstream soon, it's a bit scary!!! Check it out!!!
xxx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kPW3DVWO4A

I gots da cancerz
Dermatofibrosarcoma Protuberans Incompetans (cancer)

Told you so.
From the age of 21 I visited 4 doctors complaining of an irritable inverted lump that seems to be manifesting just below my rib cage on the left handside. The last doctor decided to refer me on to a dermatologist, who then sent me for a biopsy... All of them said the operation was unessesary because, "it wont look very good on the beach". None of them suspected cancer. It had started to hurt and it's never nice to turn to your other half and say 'my lump hurts'. He was sick with worry.

4 years since my 1st doctors visit (march 12th 2011) I explained the feeling I had that it had a root. I had my biopsy. The biopsy results were revealed and I can't say I was surprised, I had already prepared myself, I had a funny feeling. One afternoon the surgeon contacted me, extremely excited at the find she went on to say that I was right to have it looked at, and yes it did have a root. It was like hanukkah and halloween and all come at once.

Tuesday 21st of June I was taken in for emergency surgery after the pains got worse, I have a 10 inch scar that seems to be heeling well. Other than that the hospital discharged me the next day with a letter to my 'family GP' who I've never heard of. I didn't need pain killers because I'm strong as a bull, however now it's getting tender. I can still do all the regular sky diving activities but just taking it easy. What do I do now? No one mentioned a word to me about the post operation surgery in hospital. I know they are busy people.

The only thing the nurse said was,
"Call me WHEN you need the bed pan." Degraded? Yes. First and last time? Yes!
No bed pan. Again. EVER.

She told me to wipe the slasher (wow that sounds absolutely horrible). I've got a giant slash across the torso, my bum is suspended by the meagre muscle of my back then I have to wipe?!?!??!?!?! Yes, I am strong, and now I'm strong, and violated... :

If I had one thing to say to anyone who has a 'feeling' go and get it checked out. Hmmm maybe it could be cancer? Maybe it could be AIDS? Or Parkinsons? Maybe it could be something that might be just a marginal hindrance to your life. If in doubt check it out and keep going. If you are from the US and have been diagnosed with cancer talk to Macmillan. They are incredible people and could possibly help you with financial concerns as well as support. When I hear anymore I'll keep you informed. Love and light to everyone out there.

Thank you to all staff at Broomfield Hospital, Essex. (even the grumpy lady, you know who you are).

Copy and paste the link below. I love life and find everything fascinating so I keep a lot of photos... add me if you can't see them, I have more going up soon with the last op. I asked the surgeon to take snaps of the op as well to see what the 'bad' cells look like. Hopefully he got them. http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.148429408553117.33643.100001581756488

IAnd now I've got a rash on my gash...
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Biopsy

Innyrd Skynyrd lol



And I made a cake..... Nothing to do with cancer just thought it looked cool,






The good news is, I've just had the all clear

Well it was a long story... It was all dark and I could hear mumbling, it was so hard to get around like being trapped in like a maple syrup, talk about stuffy! There were others around me, I knew we were fighting the same cause, a strong sense of comradery. didn't know em though. We went round a few bends, then I became stuck and didn't move for what was like an eternity, suspended but confined I try to move then it felt like I was being stretched... some one was squeezing my brain as if it would detatch from my body, then I saw a mass of light. It was blinding, never seen anything so bright before, 'Some body give me some sun glasses man!' I shouted but it was like no one understood. Why was everything so big? Time went on and I saw tits.

The end.

Birth by Saffire