SuicideGirl: Apathy
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Apathy is a little feral

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NOVEMBER 26, 2011 @ 04:38 PM | 18 COMMENTS


And now,
the official cutest things ever.

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zoom image Baby Otter smile
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Ive decided, that I want to have a zoo. Filled with all of the above.
OCTOBER 16, 2011 @ 10:42 AM | 4 COMMENTS


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[YOUTUBE]http://youtu.be/K75w6p7cKB8[/YOUTUBE]


http://youtu.be/K75w6p7cKB8
SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 @ 07:12 PM | 18 COMMENTS


There falls no shadow where There shines no sun.~
Hilaire Belloc ~

I swear on everything alive, that while i was on the phone being just told a beautiful soul had passed, that at that very moment the star pendant on my belly ring broke and fell to the floor.
I swear on everything alive, that while Randy asked to be proved that the world still had left a bit of magick in it, that when i wished for two warm things to sleep easier during the cold nights that within a couple minutes i was the proud new owner of a perfectly dirty beautiful soft fluffy long white cashmere scarf. I made it into a hood-scarf and was oh so very comfy. First thing next morning a racecar driver gave me a brand new super warm down sleepingbag that i never ever got cold in. Randy just shook his head. I couldnt ever convince
him that being alive could be a great ride, it was all a matter of perspective. Ive had some times that could be considered horrible, but I laughed it off, chalking it off as either a lesson, an experience or a good story.

But the magick in my life took a vacation for awhile. It got tired of its sporadic long working hours. When its benefits were cut, and pension suspended, it had a nervous breakdown and went on unemployment.
I got attacked by a hornet, and evicted from my two day home all within the same two minutes. When I decided to hitch out of town despite outstanding warrents (for being poor, really), the first car to pull over was a cop, and still being within the province I was still lucky in the way that I got off with a "promise to appear" contract.
It was sad that I couldnt travel around for too long, that court date i too often debated showing up for at all. It all just seemed so pointless. Court = crime, and me with the sinful act of having really shitty luck. What a hazard to society I have been.
The way back was one of those times, that the world just maybe puts you through to try and find your breaking point. I got my first sunburn (ever), and waited forever for rides. I seemed to keep forgetting my water in rides. Ourson especially missed the water. He'd look up at me and do his thing where he asks in only the way a dog can, for some god dammed fucking H2o. I felt horrible. Id always give him the last drop instead of taking it myself. Ive always worked it out that way. Even if all the money ive got left is just enough for a bag of dog food, i will go without. He has saved my life 3 times, I owe him big... but thats another story, for another time, if i'd even tell it at all.
Sometimes, monsters do exist. They take the forms of humans who you were tricked into trusting. I did not know of the word Malecious until I lived with somebody who was.

I am posting a video, of my doggie Ourson's birthday. I made him a special doggie cake and filmed it, so, well, he acts like a dog while wolfing it down. I loves him so much. When we fall asleep, he HAS to cuddle, as if he needs it for survival, and if im too busy reading or something to notice him staring at me with that I WANT TO CUDDLE expression (that is hard to not giggle at, and if i do, it will provoke a butt wiggle and tail whip dance) he will start to whine. It makes me feel special to be so loved, so sometimes i will pretend to not hear him whine and he will hmph and nuzzle his way into my arms so that I am hugging him while holding my book. Then ill pat my shoulder and he will put his head there, extend an arm across my top, make a big exaggerated sigh, nuzzle his muzzle and close his eyes. Its hard to not fall in love over and over with him. I feel very lucky to have such a funny little loving creature. Its hard to fall asleep sometimes, feeling my heart do finicky things when its just bursting with colors and twinkly noises that great love provokes. I fall in love with everything. I fall in love too much. I am lucky to have some great friends/siblings to love too.

Also, I am posting some photos of current adventures (I havent a camera, so theyre random things from random people) and posting some more photos of some greatness I did with a great man named dwaynehanley. He's one of those assholes (and i mean that in the best way possible) that can pretty much do anything. I met him while he tattooed someone, and then a year later, while I was sitting in a cubby hole, on a grey wet day, he crouched down with me and we talked about things that you talk about while you're in a cubby hole. He offered to do something awesome the sort of thing I had all abandoned. I stared at those photos for so long afterwards..This is some of what we did:
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This is me an Ourson, doin what I do, kicking rocks, until chance or luck finds me, cause im lookin for it.
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Dwam took these,

(I grew a lil penis)
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The sky was the same before she came to meet me, then it was sunny, then as she left it rained and looked again like this. Apocolypse sky.
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SEPTEMBER 8, 2011 @ 02:57 PM | 11 COMMENTS


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MEMPHIS WHERE ARE YOU.


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"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part; you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!" -Mario Savio
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MAY 20, 2011 @ 01:59 PM | 10 COMMENTS


oioi!!!! haaalooo!!
Currently, i have a very nice collection of feathers from a bunch of different birds. I love the owl feathers the most. I desperatly would also like to have back my raven feathers.
SO this is what im asking!!! All of you, anyone!
Looking for feather submissions, any feather of any bird around your city, or maybe a fallen feather off a bird that you keep. Doesnt matter if its in good condition or bad. I am doing something great with this, and would soo love and appreciate if I got any help with my search.
You could send it by mail, of course, in an envelope with some sort of cardboard or tough material on either side to protect the feather, or you could send it on a bus, I tell you my address and you send it through a bus station and i pick it up here in Montreal. I would pay for all of it, so you could send it C.O.D. and i will pay for the costs. Leave your return address so that I can send you something back : )

Message me for more information,
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MARCH 31, 2011 @ 08:41 PM | 6 COMMENTS


OCTOBER 6, 2010 @ 12:42 PM


MAY 13, 2010 @ 04:36 PM


**Update**
If you needed a reason to believe in the world again, this is it:
I cried cuz im like that.


I am the girl with the Panda Bear Eyes. They will always be that way. My own brand of anemia-chic.
Stolen Dreams, dissapeared within a room shared with a tornado. Piles and piles of stolen-found clothes littered in mountainous formations, blankets, too many blankets that smell of dog and beer, plastic gas masks. Messages to forget written on the shattered mirror. The white dress from Nola trash makes the TV light more bearable when i try to sleep, and there are christmas lights everywhere. Every night i make my bed a little more like a cabin. A blue tarp hangs over my window to prevent the zombies from getting in, my nightmares are almost over their wave but I cannot walk anywhere when there are no lights on. I end up running so fast I will have a mild heart attack. It has always been that way. I can live under bridges and dark tunnels and dark smokey garbage smelling alleyways just fine, but when im inside with no lights on... the monsters come out. Im 24 years old and monsters still chase me. I didnt even realize i was 24 until last summer. Thats what happens when you dont celebrate your birthday. You stay stuck in the last one you did.
So I smoke more and more cigarettes, hoping the smoke will camoflauge the shadow daemons. A ring thats lost its fake diamonds hides under the pillow, the ring that made LIFE a LI E.sits somewhere unknown in the world, awol. I can never hold on to jewlery. I dont like them and fiddle with them unconciously until they fall off. I search the pavement for a hint of its glimmer, but i do not see. Puppy sleeps in a warm little heap, wags his tail when i kiss his ear, thumpthumpthumpthump. He can keep a beat.
My best friend went to jail, so i have moved into his room, paying his share of rent, since nobody else would take care of his dog. Her name is Boxcar, Cara for short and she makes the silliest noises if i leave and come back. She is a Goddess and a very good protector. Her eyes are undiscovered planets, and they hide the secrets of the world, they really do. My baby puppy is in love with her. Ourson is 8 months old now. He has shark teeth just like his older brother. I still cringe when i pass the spot where he got murdered. Time heals nothing. I have taught Ourson to lick tears, and instead of teaching him to shake a paw, which does nothing, i taught him GIMME A HUG. Very practical. It is hard to have a bad day with him around. When he greets me he does his very own Wiggle Dance, and I do it back and we have a wiggle dance-off.
My roomate is never home. He takes his job as roomate too seriously, steals my rent money and eats all my food. I would poison it like i did at the loudhouse, putting bleach in the milk, haha but i like him too much, he's a boy version of me. We grew up in towns very similar. The hydro bill has not been paid since it got turned on. I thought id live here for quite awhile, but i never live anywhere for quite awhile. I wonder what story it will be this time to have me back on the streets. I think i have become too domesticated. But its fun because I can collect things and make lotsa artsy stuff and hang them up on trees along the bike path, or other places. I have my own art gallery along Hochelaga bike path. Come visit it and bring your own wine and cheese and crackers to share with me.
I got a job and got fired after 3 weeks.. figures. But i really liked all the people i worked with. It was a "social reinsertion programme", whatever that means. Everybody there had a story, and i could pick out of the crowd who had gone to jail for armmed robbery. I have a knack for that.
Peel park was dug up, the indian burial grounds, but where did they put the bodies? It was this big secret operation, it was all boarded up throughout the work so you couldnt see a thing. I havent ever walked over them. If i was a spirit, i would seek my revenge quite ferociously. Id like to take acid and lay down there for awhile at night. See what ideas spring up and what shadows and colors take shape, i like psychosis. Sometimes. only sometimes. and only my own. I seem to be the only one who never has negative psychosis.
This is a different part of town... every metro stop has its own city. Its spring. Its summer. Everyone is twitterpated and all my favourite parks are filled with all my favourite people. Oh yeah, I gave up on love. Haha! Just like that. Im done. Its over. Never again. I know people say that from time to time, but when your in love, you give pieces of yourself away, over and over until nothing is left, and i need to refill, cause im runnin on empty.
Im going on a mission. To find pot. I need to smoke a joint oh so very much and spend the rest of the sunlight cloud-breaking, throwing stix for Ourson, and havin wiggle dance-offs.
Cheers to this sun going down... This city needs more stars and magic
Let the wild rumpus begin!!!!
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NOVEMBER 6, 2009 @ 05:06 PM


AUGUST 22, 2009 @ 04:38 AM


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