NEWS: Are Chimpanzees People? Part II

POLITICS: Are Chimpanzees People? Part II

Back in May, I brought to your attention the story of a chimp named "Hiasl", and the quest by Austrian animal rights activists to have him recognized as a "person," thereby granting him basic legal rights. The chimp, who's full name is now Matthew Hiasl Pan, has had his case thrown out by a judge. But the simian supporters aren't going down without a feces-flinging fight.

To bring you up to speed, Matty Boy was smuggled from Sierra Leone to be sold for pharmaceutical testing, before being brought to his current home after intervention by international customs. However, with the shelter in dire straits and Our Man Pan with veterinary and upkeep bills of almost $7000 a month, the AAAF is fighting to get him "personhood" and keep him living in Austria. But the chimpy court conundrum hasn't been without its setbacks.

A hearing date has not been set for the group's appeal to the Supreme Court. AAAF President Martin Balluch had this to say about their fight:

In closing, for all you naysayers out there, watch these YouTube videos and then I dare you to try and tell me chimps aren't little hairy people!

Besides the fact we're 96% alike on the genetic level, of course.







thefreak, as mentioned in his previous story, would love to one day have a chimp as a roommate. Fox would pick up the sitcom rights in a heartbeat.

Funny, I'm trying to have my children legally declared animals!

I've fucked lots of chimps and have yet to produce any viable offspring, so by most biological criteria, I'd say they're not people.

Just dead sexy.

Chimps are a lot smarter than alot of people I know.

The fact that the court ruled that he was "neither mentally impaired nor in danger" would indicate that the courts were applying rules of human rights to the chimp. It is a precedence at that point and should allow further argument for his case.

That's a really good point, actually.
While I don't believe that the Chimp should be legally declared as a person, since chimps are in fact, not people by any reasonable definition, I think that the austrian court and the people involved in this case are making this far more difficult than it needs to be. Allow the person claiming responsibility for the animal to recieve the gifts and donations.
Basically, if the chimp case has a website, under the donations page it should now say "Please make all checks payable to Johann Chimp Lover, not to Matthew Pan". Bing, simple as that, IMO.

umm... the second video is of a bonobo, so that completely invalidates your argument.

Ever heard of the chimp named Oliver? He walked upright, and look much more human than most chimps. They called him the Humanzee. I think he lives in San Antonio, Tx now.

Yeah, and it sucked at pacman anyway, and that game is easy.

Just so we know... would you be the uptight conservative or the slovenly liberal?

Seriously, $7000 a month! What are they feeding it, caviar? I say give it a typewriter, even though the numbers are way below infinite, I bet just the one chimp banging away at random could produce better scripts than the recent Transformers movie.

Ironically I think creationists should be declared apes, in a legal sense.

where's Michael Jackson when you need him?

But i dont get it: what happens if he doesn't get personhood? Is he "deported" to Sierra Leone? Euthanized?

I'm pretty sure that chimps and greater apes have emotions, self-awareness, fears, etc (and even other animals can show signs of these solely "human" traits), but that doesn't make them a person. I mean, would he have to be prosecuted if he committed a crime, like perhaps, being naked in public?

however i do think that this is just another example of how protective we are of our human traits. For so long, it was thought that we were the only species to use tools and defined humans as such, but it was discovered that apes can use tools and then that other species could too, like some birds and other monkeys. And in terms of feeling emotions, I'm sure any dog owner can tell you when their dog is "happy" or "sad" or "scared."

stop antrhocentrism! emotions for some miniature american flags for others!

Actually, all it does is invalidate the intelligence of whoever posted the video in the first place. They put "chimp" in the title.

-TM

I don't see why this organization doesn't adopt him and bear responsibility for him. They could take donations on his behalf.

That's basically the crux of their argument. Getting him "personhood" would keep him from being sold, and keep him in Austria (they have strict animal abuse laws).

Austrian law states only a person can receive personal gifts. The "neither mentally handicapped nor in danger" bit is basically the requirement for a guardian to be legally appointed.

-TM

I think a chimp dressed in a power suit, holding up a sign w/pictures of fetuses and throwing poo @Planned Parenthoods is:

1. A thought-provoking statement on the common opinion of the fanatic right,

and, more importantly:

2. Fucking hilarious.

Take any regular human activity, and once you put a monkey or ape in there, it makes it funny. It's science.

-TM

-TM

The article doesn't really explain Austrian law in fuill depth, but I took out a few snippets from the article.

-TM

Chimp? What do you mean, chimp? That's my sister, asshole!

I think I could take that chimp in a Atari competition.

Seems like a false dichotomy to me. You can have laws that give animals rights and protections without declaring them people.

I wonder how Charlton Heston would feel about this. "Soylent green is... damn dirty apes!"

Hail to the Chimp makes a very important point, a 100-150 fully grown chimp can very easily tear your limbs off. I've yet to meet a person that could eat someone's face... and still retain all of their rights, at least.

I believe that most primates are more intelligent than we give them credit for but giving a primate "human rights" for being smarter than others would/should open cases where you could deem humans who were mentally handicapped as an animal.

Holy run on sentence, Batman!