zombette

wellnow. everybody knows that the dice are loaded. everybody knows they're gonna die someday; right? its a filthy cheat; if you ask me, but nobody consulted me. if they HAD i would have voted for humans to have an average lifespan of 500 years. or so. we just dont have enough TIME. how the hell, tell me, are we supposed to mature and learn what we want to learn and see everything we want to see and gain wisdom and know what love truly means and read all the books there are in... what? 80-90 years? and thats if we're lucky. and we dont get hit with senile dementia or alzheimers (is there a difference?) or succumb to some horrible debilitating disease that destroys us far far too soon. AND THATS NOT EVEN COUNTING THE ACCIDENTS. the people who are killed by drunk drivers. the mothers who die during childbirth. the crib deaths. the suicides. the ODs.
i am CONVINCED that if we just had more TIME... maybe we would be a more intelligent and perceptive and appreciative race.
the way its all set up now is just a fucking mess. its a disaster. it was a disaster and bound to fail from the start. and i am supposed to believe in a Perfect God??? no Perfect God would set things up so shabbily.
births should be less frequent. because if individuals lived for 500 years; we would not have to feel so hurried. about EVERYTHING. we could take our time. we could learn and absorb and we would have so many years to realize things. im not talking about being immortal. i dont fancy that at ALL. i just think if we had a few more centuries to our life spans, we would be the better for it.
you can argue with that if you want. i dont care. but imagine having the time to sit and watch a flower grow from seed to full bloom. imagine having time to step back away from everything and discovering uses for the parts of our brains that are as of now a complete mystery.
i went to visit my grandma and grandpa yesterday. i got to talk to both of them for a couple hours and i was glad.
but i look at their faces... so well-loved, and i suppose every seam and wrinkle tells a story; is a testament to a grief that has been overcome... but it is not fair. i look into those faded blue eyes and i grasp those knotted, veined hands gently, mindful of the arthritis, and i think to myself WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, GOD? GOOD PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING AND WHERE ARE YOU???
i am not afraid of dying. that isnt bravado. i really am not. i am afraid of the people i love dying. because where ever they go, i cant follow them. they are going into the Unknown.
and that is everyones biggest fear. the Unknown.