zombette

sooo... i hear that Alissa is coming to the D in a couple weeks... hmm... this definitely means that us girls in Mich NEED to get together, methinks.
there are more of us in this fucking state than i really thought about before... me, Annisa, YoYo, Bullyi think(?), Vivid, Campbell, Frost... i know there are a few more too... and i think we need to hang out. thats what i think.
fo shnizzle.
i dont want to go back to school tomorrow. not to like, quote Cher or anything, but if i could turn back time... if i could find a way...
funny, some lady who was shopping in a speedway around here yesterday evening told me i looked exactly like Cher when she was younger. i took that as a compliment because i think she meant it as such.
im used to people staring and gawping with their faces all hanging out like im some strange beast theyve never encountered outside the discovery channel, im used to going for walks at night and having boys in cars scream 'YEAH, FUCKING GOTH GIRL WOOOO' and clever, witty things like that, but nobody has ever compared me to a celebrity that i can remember.
i dont like mean people.
i know its impossible to avoid them; theyre everywhere... and there are good people around as well, but i think the dice are loaded. i think the scales dont really balance out. i think the mean bastards have the upper hand.
maybe thats a reason im so cautious around people i dont know. i try to make a good first impression, and thats generally how i always am. i think im just a nice girl. i think.
i KNOW i USED to be a very nice girl, but circumstance and false friends and a detached, disillusioning marriage have jaded me somewhat in that. im still a good girl, but i dont think im as naive as i used to be.
i am not smart enough to know if thats good or bad. i used to just assume that everyones intentions were good and nobody would go out of their way to deliberately hurt me or my feelings. i was really naive. i kind of miss that; because after all that shit i went through now i seem to be the opposite. i assume everyone is laughing at me behind my back and out to trip me up and make me fall. yeah, thats no good.
i consider myself extremely lucky to have met tracey and linsey and stefanie and nikki at school. if i get nothing more out of it other than a license in cosmetology; at least i know i have made 4 real honest to god friends. and of course i have always been lucky to have susannah in my life. my best friend for ten years. and shes going to have her baby in less than a month. oh my god. less than a month and baby Delilah enters the scene. i still cant believe shes really preggers. ive felt the tummy, ive felt her move around, susie grabbed my hand once and pressed it against her middle right under her ribcage and said 'Feel that?? thats her butt!!' and we laughed and laughed.
he better treat her right. he had just better.
i have no trust in men. at least men in my generation. i have yet to meet ONE that has any goddamn sense. of responsibility, of the consequences of their actions, of taking care of their loved ones... etc etc.
i guess thats why im alone. ah, who knows. i believed nick was my soulmate. and maybe in a way he was. and still is. but maybe people can have more than one soulmate.
i just want someone to love. i have a big heart and i want someone to love.


thats me in a cab in columbus. trying to look all cool and shit.