zombette

so now im kind of disappointed. i cant help it. alissa wrote me back and confirmed that its probably going to be 3 or 4 months before my set goes up. for some reason, i didnt think it was going to be that long. i thought maybe three weeks. its been a hundred degrees here all week and thats not helping anything. heat never helps. i always feel like a slab of rotting meat when the temperatures hit around the nineties.
could be four months. wow. hmm. i feel a little dumb now because im almost always on here and checking the old status quo; but i guess there are no guarantees. im really glad it got accepted, but this is a pretty damn big site and i bet a lot of things get moved around in a quarter of a year. i could get lost. i hope i dont get lost. im super proud of this set and im really excited to do more. alan is coming up for a visit next month and he agreed to shoot me, but what if this set isnt queued up by then? will they accept a second set if the first one isnt even up? i have so many questions about this site and some answers are easy enough to find but some are harder than hell.
im smoking way too much.
i ordered some 50 comp cards recently from one of the modeling sites i keep up with and i figure they cant hurt and maybe theyll help me find work. i have to get a portfolio together and im not entirely sure if i can use the pictures of me on here. see? questions, questions. maybe ill have alan shoot a few sets if hes up to it and he can give me some tips to set up a modeling portfolio. i was called by some lady at john casablancas and she sounded all bubbly and thrilled for me over the phone; asked me to bring a headshot or a compcard preferably; heels to walk a runway, and that i would be reading for a script.
i got there and sure enough, they looked at my pictures, and took some of their own, they put on some music and let me do my walk on their runway (which was criticized, naturally) and i read a small script.
it turned out the whole thing was a ruse. i think. they must have come across one of my modeling portfolios and figured a clever way to get me all the way down there would be to call me up and talk themselves up and talk around the actual subject; making it sound like i was in the running for a job.
no, they wanted me to sign up for a 9 week modeling course. for a thousand dollars. payable in easy monthly installments, of course.
i thought that was fucking rude as hell. if all they wanted was money, they should have told me over the phone and spared me the hour and a half car ride out there.
four months.
i broke down and ordered the sg necklace and belt buckle the other day. im really motivated by this. if you asked me why, i guess i would say its just me proving something to myself. proving that im not ugly and fat and stupid and worthless just because my husband ran away. proving that SOMEBODY wants me.
well, who knows? maybe it wont be four months. maybe it will be sooner. i dont know. tomorrow is jerrys birthday party and i think ill stay the night. i still have to get him his present. i want it to be something thats going to be perfect. and i think ill get sarah something too... after all, theyre engaged now, and when one has a birthday, i feel honor-bound to celebrate by giving them both gifts. and god knows theyve helped me out and been in my corner after everyone else slunk away like the snakes they are.
oh well.