you know what? this is odd. i have bruises all over my legs.
my shins and calves are all bruised.
i dont know why. i have no idea how this could have happened to me. but there are literally big purple sunset bruises on both my legs below the knees.
ive always bruised easily, but this is ridiculous. i dont remember bumping into anything or tripping and falling. in any case, theres no scrapes. just these mysterious bruises. maybe someone is sneaking into my room and beating me up while i sleep?
now how fucking paranoid is that?
still... wasnt it sherlock holmes who once said that once youve eliminated everything else, whatever solution remains, however improbable, must be the truth? or something like that?
i dont know, though. sneaky people sneaking into my room at night just to take baseball bats to my shins? and not even waking me up? thats pretty out there.
im smoking too much.
never did find that blowdryer either. my hair eventually dried. it looks terrible. i just dont have the energy to flatiron it. maybe someone will take pity on me at school and do it for me. i rather hope so. i wish i had some oranges. or maybe tangerines. something good and fresh and citrusy to peel and munch and chew. something that smells like sour and summer.
i have some sunny d. but thats not the same thing. not at all.
i make a lot of wishes. not on stars anymore, ive had too many bad experiences with the wishes being granted in the worst possible way for me to ever wish on a star ever again... but just idle wishing about stupid things... i do that a lot.
i wish i had a hug.
here we go again were out of our medicine out of our minds and we want in yours let us in.
i wish i were younger. at least then id have an excuse, no matter how thin, for being this messed up. i thought people were supposed to mature as they aged. i thought i would Grow Up as my twenties passed. it boggles my mind that people my age and younger, some much younger, are having babies.
one of my cousins (by marriage) is pregnant right now, actually. shes 19. she is nineteen years old and having a baby and happier than hell about it.
i cant imagine... i just cannot conceive(haha) being in her shoes. and shes HAPPY. she doesnt even know for sure who the father is and she DOESNT CARE. granted, shes not the brightest bulb, but still... a baby? does she understand what a COMMITMENT that is?
her parents arent looking too damn sprightly, ill say that much.
THEY get it.
oh well. i suppose i must allow people to make their own mistakes. after all, everyone else has certainly been lenient enough with ME about mistakes. and ive made my share. indeed. and more.
i sincerely and with all sincereness hope i am done making mistakes for a long time. i am barely able to cope with the ones i have made so far in my life. i dont want to add to the list of people i have to apologize to. i really dont want to have to prove my worth anymore.
sometimes i just want to be left alone.
then i realize thats exactly what i got. thats exactly where i am. alone. and its not that great after all. things always seem so great until you actually get them. then, after all the shine is gone and the wrapping paper and bows are thrown away and you have the thing that you wanted with all your heart... you dont really want it anymore. the thrill of the chase is gone. the chase is over. the prize captured.
so you probably find something else to snare your attention. and when you get that, you find something else. and something else. its tiring, when you sit and think about it this way. it seems like you can sum your whole life up into two words. The Chase. or maybe The Hunt.
my shins and calves are all bruised.
i dont know why. i have no idea how this could have happened to me. but there are literally big purple sunset bruises on both my legs below the knees.
ive always bruised easily, but this is ridiculous. i dont remember bumping into anything or tripping and falling. in any case, theres no scrapes. just these mysterious bruises. maybe someone is sneaking into my room and beating me up while i sleep?
now how fucking paranoid is that?
still... wasnt it sherlock holmes who once said that once youve eliminated everything else, whatever solution remains, however improbable, must be the truth? or something like that?
i dont know, though. sneaky people sneaking into my room at night just to take baseball bats to my shins? and not even waking me up? thats pretty out there.
im smoking too much.
never did find that blowdryer either. my hair eventually dried. it looks terrible. i just dont have the energy to flatiron it. maybe someone will take pity on me at school and do it for me. i rather hope so. i wish i had some oranges. or maybe tangerines. something good and fresh and citrusy to peel and munch and chew. something that smells like sour and summer.
i have some sunny d. but thats not the same thing. not at all.
i make a lot of wishes. not on stars anymore, ive had too many bad experiences with the wishes being granted in the worst possible way for me to ever wish on a star ever again... but just idle wishing about stupid things... i do that a lot.
i wish i had a hug.
here we go again were out of our medicine out of our minds and we want in yours let us in.
i wish i were younger. at least then id have an excuse, no matter how thin, for being this messed up. i thought people were supposed to mature as they aged. i thought i would Grow Up as my twenties passed. it boggles my mind that people my age and younger, some much younger, are having babies.
one of my cousins (by marriage) is pregnant right now, actually. shes 19. she is nineteen years old and having a baby and happier than hell about it.
i cant imagine... i just cannot conceive(haha) being in her shoes. and shes HAPPY. she doesnt even know for sure who the father is and she DOESNT CARE. granted, shes not the brightest bulb, but still... a baby? does she understand what a COMMITMENT that is?
her parents arent looking too damn sprightly, ill say that much.
THEY get it.
oh well. i suppose i must allow people to make their own mistakes. after all, everyone else has certainly been lenient enough with ME about mistakes. and ive made my share. indeed. and more.
i sincerely and with all sincereness hope i am done making mistakes for a long time. i am barely able to cope with the ones i have made so far in my life. i dont want to add to the list of people i have to apologize to. i really dont want to have to prove my worth anymore.
sometimes i just want to be left alone.
then i realize thats exactly what i got. thats exactly where i am. alone. and its not that great after all. things always seem so great until you actually get them. then, after all the shine is gone and the wrapping paper and bows are thrown away and you have the thing that you wanted with all your heart... you dont really want it anymore. the thrill of the chase is gone. the chase is over. the prize captured.
so you probably find something else to snare your attention. and when you get that, you find something else. and something else. its tiring, when you sit and think about it this way. it seems like you can sum your whole life up into two words. The Chase. or maybe The Hunt.