its 525am. and im awake. eating cheerios and typing. listening to the birds outside my window. i always sleep with the window open. even in the dead of winter, i sleep with the window open a crack. otherwise i cant sleep. the sounds out there lull me. of course there are no birds in winter, but there is always traffic and trains; and being so close to a busy street maybe really isnt that bad when it comes to falling asleep. trains are lonely. trains sound like lost souls. sometimes when i hear a train i think about who the conductor is; usually i hear them at 315am and 645am. if there is another one that comes regularly in between, i must sleep through it. i wonder if the conductor can stop for coffee. he cant go through any drive thrus, can he? what if he gets hungry? imagine a train in front of you at the taco bell drive thru.
what do train conductors think about all alone out there all night? murder? maybe. sometimes. who doesnt think about murder once in a while?
i think it was the birds that woke me up, yes. there isnt much traffic, not at five in the morning, but theres some. people on their way to work, i imagine, mostly. nursing students nursing hangovers with tim hortons coffees warming up their blood. smoking. thinking about their days.
the days of our lives.
i think about other peoples lives even more than i think about my own. you know, sneak a glance at the person next to you at a red light, imagine what their life is like, think about them off and on for the rest of the day, imagining strange things like they own a huge aquarium and 13 tropical fish or they are cheating on their wife or they are contemplating suicide or they want to quit smoking or find God or move away or why they cant have kids why they arent in love anymore why their mother had to die like that.
call me a sentimentalist. call me crazy. call me pale.
i think i just have an overactive imagination.
no more sleep for me. not yet. maybe i will go for a walk. i wonder if rite aid is open. i need artificial lighting and artificial company right now.
thats a big fat reason why i want to get away from michigan and move to LA or new york city. i want to live someplace where there is always a place to go full of people laughing and smoking and having fun. i want to live in a place thats FULL of artificial lighting and the lights never go out. fake lights, fake smiles, fake people, i dont care, just give me company. i want to have a place to go where everybody knows me and likes me. like in cheers. remember cheers? norm would walk in and everyone would yell Norm! i want people to react like that when they see me.
sometimes they do. on the rare occasions i leave this room. like at linseys birthday party at city club. shannon and amanda and cynthia and linsey herself all ran up and grabbed me and shrieked my name and that made me feel good. shiny. new.
i want to feel that all the time.
loved. wanted. admired.
i want to be the queen.
what do train conductors think about all alone out there all night? murder? maybe. sometimes. who doesnt think about murder once in a while?
i think it was the birds that woke me up, yes. there isnt much traffic, not at five in the morning, but theres some. people on their way to work, i imagine, mostly. nursing students nursing hangovers with tim hortons coffees warming up their blood. smoking. thinking about their days.
the days of our lives.
i think about other peoples lives even more than i think about my own. you know, sneak a glance at the person next to you at a red light, imagine what their life is like, think about them off and on for the rest of the day, imagining strange things like they own a huge aquarium and 13 tropical fish or they are cheating on their wife or they are contemplating suicide or they want to quit smoking or find God or move away or why they cant have kids why they arent in love anymore why their mother had to die like that.
call me a sentimentalist. call me crazy. call me pale.
i think i just have an overactive imagination.
no more sleep for me. not yet. maybe i will go for a walk. i wonder if rite aid is open. i need artificial lighting and artificial company right now.
thats a big fat reason why i want to get away from michigan and move to LA or new york city. i want to live someplace where there is always a place to go full of people laughing and smoking and having fun. i want to live in a place thats FULL of artificial lighting and the lights never go out. fake lights, fake smiles, fake people, i dont care, just give me company. i want to have a place to go where everybody knows me and likes me. like in cheers. remember cheers? norm would walk in and everyone would yell Norm! i want people to react like that when they see me.
sometimes they do. on the rare occasions i leave this room. like at linseys birthday party at city club. shannon and amanda and cynthia and linsey herself all ran up and grabbed me and shrieked my name and that made me feel good. shiny. new.
i want to feel that all the time.
loved. wanted. admired.
i want to be the queen.
Speaking of westerns, Do you like Deadwood? It's got some badass gunslingers.