So as few may know, mainly the SuicideGirls whom I have on my personal Facebook account, I've been going through a lot of stress with my endometriosis and am having surgery tomorrow morning. The surgery will either be a hit or miss. I'm hoping they find what they're looking for and get me feeling better and off these damn pain pills. :(
I've been trying to not post on here as I've been so deeply depressed and in immense pain with few good days. Most days I'm hurting so bad I'd rather be dead, but nobody understands that feeling, they just think it's inappropriate and deny me the right to feel that way. I'm not saying I'm suicidal, I'm saying I'd rather be dead than be in this much pain. Big difference, folks. The other thing bothering me is that some people who are supposed to be my friends think they stand in a place where they can tell me to "CHILL" when I express the deep dark feelings I have. Let me let you in on a little secret, just because I am not terminally ill does not mean I am not sick. It does not mean I am not in as much pain as someone who is dying. It simply means my disease will not kill me. It will just bind my internal organs together against my will. Sounds scary right? Having your internal organs bound together by tissue that sheds and bleeds and cramps every month? Imagine the shedding and bleeding an cramping every single day for months. The pain is so blunt that it makes me very nauseous and often ends in vomiting nonstop for hours. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient to just chill right? So what gives you the right to tell me to just chill? Nothing, and that is that.
My surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 10 AM and is in an outpatient facility so I will be going home the same day. I'll most likely leave a small update after to let you know how it went once I come around from the anesthesia. Please if you pray, pray for me. If you vibe, send positive ones. If you're neither..just send me well wishes as I'd love to get my life back on track. Thank you all SO VERY MUCH for the love and support and well wishes thus far. This site has been far more understanding than anyone who has claimed to be my friend and for that I am inevitably gracious and wish so much that I could send you all gifts and shower you in hugs and thank yous <3333
In other news, I met up with @exning and her mama the other night for dinner at my old job that I blogged about in the past. It was so nice! We ate, talked, laughed, and then took a walk to the coffee shop and creek to smoke our vape pens! It was such a relief and beautiful night and I am incredibly glad I was able to see her and catch up! I hope she comes back soon, both of them, or else I'll go kidnap them and bring them back! Her mom was so amazing and such a strong woman who told me the very fucking rad story of Exning's birth name. What an awesome pair they are! I wish I had that relationship with my mama <3 :) I felt blessed to have gotten taken to dinner with them! Thank you both!
In more news there is less than 2 WEEKS until my set Dayglow hits Member Review and I can not wait! I'll be blogging more when the dates come around and will probably be off for a few days while in Texas, but i'll be back soon, SG. I miss our shenanigans. Until then...have a picture.
Until next time, lots of love,
Yugen <3333
