yellokitty

Yeah, so i'm definately having issues. Jonny told me last night that he didn't think that we would work out at a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, then later told me that i shouldn't expect him to be in love with me unless it years from now, and then that he wasn't going to break up with me and was not going to let me break up with him. He's not the psycho type to be like "if i can't have you then no one can," i honestly don't know what he means. The part where he told me that he didn't want to be alone made sense, but that's not enough for me. That's not a good enough reason. I've told him before that i'm sticking with him through whatever breakdowns he has, but i thing a good breakup is in order. Time apart (hah, we live together), a chance to look at other people and notice that i'm a real prize, etc. ahem... He really fucks with my head and i'm ready to quit. When we're good, it's good. When we suck i want to fucking stab him in the face. Last night i wanted to stab him in the face, but then i needed a hug. It's hard to argue with your boyfriend when he's your best and only friend within a 50 mile radius. I'm big on the hug thing. It's hard not to hug him when i hurt, especially when he's the one making me hurt... i think that makes sense. No, it don't but whatever.
Went to the gay bar tonight for a change of pace from the college bar scene. It was dead. On a friday. I spent my $7 and left. I looked cute tonight too. Bleh.
I'm riding the tide. I'm seeing where life is going to take me next. I'm anxious. I want to see. Right here sucks. Maybe a little down the coast will be better.
Who wants to love me?