Its been 21 days. She left me for how I was acting and how i was thinking. I still hurts a lot and i guess it should. Im doing this because Im hoping it will help me feel a little better. I was out trying to get my adrenaline fix, broke my phone when i was drunk. I didnt have it for almost a week and a half I didnt want us any ones phone to call her for what ever reason. I talked to her on face book and we got in a fight and I blew up and said some stuff i regret. After that we where in a bad spot tell i got my new phone. Once I got my phone back I called her and we talked about alot about stuff how she felt about how I was going about things and how I was acting. I was trying to fix things as best as i could but i just got the filling she was to hurt from what i did. I called her and asked her what was going on in her head. She went about braking up with me....I know I was fucked up but I really did want to fix things. I still ride and I still do because it makes me happy and gets my mind off of my broken heart......I fucked it up bad, we have been on and off for 7 years. This time i wanted to put a ring on her finger, I wanted to start a family. I was sooo close but i let it slip away because of my ignorance. I took her for granted and was trying to get all my crazyness out of my system and not taking what she wanted for our future. I fell like im sinking like a stone in the sea. I have all the freedom a person could ask for. I can do whet ever I want but it all feels wrong. I dream of her all most every night I dont even know if shes doing ok. she was sick when she cut me out. I just want her to be happy, with or without me. It seem like she dosnt want me to be any part of her life. she wont talk to me anywhere. She blocked me on facebook she did the same here and she wont text me back. I havnt even tryed to call her but i know she wont pick up. A nice women has shown a interest in me and we have started talking. I know I could be with her if i tryed. I feel better when i talk to her but at the same time i dont. She has been in and out of a relationship same as myself. I feel like we are kind of in the same boat. Its just ever time i think about making something of it with her I right back to how I love my ex. I dont want to date anyone I want to be in a relationship. Something long term, as i think about that I all i can think about is the ring i have in my bottom drawer on my bed side stand. I dont know what to do with it, send it back keep it....I just dont know. Im lost in my own head.