william_miller

It's been a long weekend. I've spent too much of it arguing with other people, watching them get pissed at me. It makes you wonder how many people really know you when they get mad over something that has been well-known since who knows how long. I've always been someone with a strong sense of his thoughts. I know what I stand for, what I want to do, and why I believe in the things I do. I also inherited my mother's stubbornness (how do I know it came from my mother? She stubbornly refuses to admit she's stubborn). This equals a mix that for some, may come off as volatile. But I'm not a bullshitter, and I hope to never sink so low as to be one. My thoughts are my own, and I stress that I believe in them. They can be changed, yes, but your argument better be damn good.

I also hate people resorting to name-calling when their point falls just that short of reaching something substantial. But I will respect a good argument, one that features something deeper than a mere picking-apart of mine without giving a valid response or counterpoint. It's why the arguments with Jordan (formerly boundcreature) led to what will probably be in the future a friendship of sorts. He's a good debater. And really has his thoughts sorted out on a lot of stuff.

~~INTERRUPTION

I really wish I could find my copy of 25th Hour.

~~INTERRUPTION ENDED

But I really can't understand people sometimes. There's the short-sightedness of "I must get this now", "I must prove you wrong", "the present's more important than the future", and the backstabbing people do to one another each and every day. This is what you all see, right? Everyone watches as a person twists the blade, as people bitch and moan about things not going fast enough for them, and can't sit back for one goddamned motherfucking moment of their lives and go "y'know, there's a bright, warm day for me to take in. There's a whole life of those ahead of me, perhaps, but I could die tomorrow. I should probably take it in now."

Springsteen sang "The fuse is burning". And it is. It always is. That fuse won't stop for anything. You can't stop the bomb from exploding -- it will explode. So it's best you do what you can to not hate yourself when it does.

I wonder if anyone will think this is about them and get offended. Because, well, it isn't. This is just what I see generally day-to-day. Enjoy oneself, and the rest shall come afterward. Is it that difficult? I think not.

In other news, I really fucking miss my CD portion of my car's player. I already hate radio again. Luckily, I have the tiniest bit of extra money (and a $65 bonus check anyway) to help me buy an FM transmitter. Yes, I'm a cheap bastard. But who isn't, when they don't have any money, thus neccessitating (wow, I'm sure I butchered that) the stinginess?

~~

I remember when I used to bemoan my lack of love. Not that it's improved any, but at some point, I just stopped caring. I do miss it, yes: and deep down, there's a bit more heartache when I hear a really good love song or sit by as another Valentine's Day continues through. But I let it be. I decide it's not that important. I seemed to have moved past that. When love does come along, I will grab a hold of the purest aspects of it I can, and take them in like rain on a warm summer's day. Like a sprinkler during a performance of "Freebird" by Ruckus. Like Luke Skywalker and The Force on Dagobah. That is, if anyone ever wanted to fall in love with someone who just found the most progressively geeky ways to express how he would accept love.

But I don't sit by and hold my breath over it. I prevent myself from letting it push into my life.

And now, with a thanks to Cassiel for posting this in the U2 Fans group (I am one of The 33!), I think this accurately depicts my view of what love might be, could be, but doesn't always have to be. It'd be nice if it was, though. At least some of the time.

Mercy.

I was drinking some wine... and it turned to blood
What's the use of religion... if you're any good
I know I'm weedkiller honey... and you're sugar
If you're the prosecution... I get away with murder
If you were ice... I'm water
And with your telescope... I can see further
We're binary code... a one and a zero
You wanted violins... and you got Nero
You're gravity... searching for the ground
You're silence... searching for a sound
Your heart is aching... your heart is my home
It's fascinating... I know I'll never be alone

I'm rippin' the stitches
You got two hands to rub
I'm in the ditches
Of someone else's love

Love is when I lie
Love puts the blue back in my eye
Love will come again
I'll be gone again... again

If you're hunger... baby let me feed it
If your heart is full... baby let me bleed it
And happiness is for... those who don't really need it
You love me... too much
You always loved me... too much

When I was rippin' the stitches
You got two fists to rub
I'm in the ditches
Of someone else's luck

Love is when I lie
Love puts the blue back in my eye
Love has come again
I am gone again

Love's got to be with a wink
Only then love gets a chance to speak
Love will come again
I'll be gone again... again

I... I can't escape myself
I hear you talk
Feeling nothing
I fear nothing
Feel....

I can hear so much
Fear nothing
I feel so much
Fear... nothing

Love has come again
I am gone again
Love is the end of history
The enemy of misery
Love has come again
I am gone again

Love is justice, a charity
Love brings with it a clarity
Love has come again
I'm alive again
Alive...

I am alive, baby I'm born again and again
And again, and again and again and again
Again