whitewes88

welcome back to the rabbit hole!

i haven't stopped drinking but i've cut down drasticly, not by choice more by finances. ( oh and i haven't been high in weeks) i can't stop moving, if i try to sit still i go mad because inside my brain everything is moving so fast. nothing can occupie my time.
i wind up doing alot of thinking, fast thinking. with out all of the self medication my brain is clearer but at the same time everything moves so fast that's thoughts get blurred, cut off.
a hand full of pills or a bottle of whiskey would calm my nerves but i need a car. not a new car, a thousand dollar car, just something to make it to my appointments.
oh yeah, i've been having horrid headaches and lost alot of my appetite, i'm now lucky to eat once a day.
not having anythng to do at work be sides paper work is driving me even more mad. everybody else gets to go play army and i get stuck in the arms room, or going to work on excel.
if anyone knows a crooked dr that will hook me up with some pills i'll be there best friend.
it feels like i've done a bunch coke, but sadly i haven't, i just need to fall asleep(good luck with that) and hope that tomarrow is different.
laters