whiteiris

I think I really like this guy. I am finding myself unable to separate myself from anything I am feeling. I have been with guys and NEVER had any inkling that I wanted to date them. But this guy I do.

So I am not going to see him anymore. Sounds stupid - I know but there are so many things that tell me it mgiht not work and I am not in a place where I can chance getting hurt again. He is young (22) and works in a bar (I apparently have an affinity for bartenders). He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she got clingy and he felt she was going to start the "I Love You" conversation and he didn't want that. Now I have asked my girl and guy friends and they say that maybe he just didn't want a relationship with her. But I am inclined to think that he is young and doesn't want a relationship like that with anyone - he wants to do his thing and that be that.

We have been hanging out for 2 weeks and I knew that this guy had potential the day after I met him. Yes, I have slept with him - which may have not been the brightest idea but no one ever accused me of having ALL my marbles ALL the time. But it happened last night. And he was sweet - not like most guys when they are just your fuck buddy - at least mine - they are rough with you and fuck you until you can't walk abymore - any guy that has been sweet with me actually likes me. Also, he never made a move on me until night before last. I am so use to guys trying to stick their tongue down my throat the minute I meet them.

I know I am overanalyzing but I am really really afraid to get hurt yet I hate confrontation. I don't know if I should wait a little longer and see where it goes and risk getting more involved or just end it now and save myself the time and effort. But I will wonder if I am walking away from something important. But again - if i talk to him straight up and tell him all this then I will at least find out where his head is and if it is not where mine is then better to know now. Or he could be thinking the same things and we go from there.

I have no fucking clue. I just know that I might really like this guy and I don't want to get hurt so I am trying to figure out what to do. I can walk away now and just leave it at the fact that I know that I can feel this for someone again. I mean, I am not in love with the boy but I could date him. I wouldn't feel as if I were missing out on something if I did date him. Any other guy I have met I felt like I would be missing out on something better. I know that I am the only one who can figure out what to do and do it.

We hung out tody and he said to call him. He kept asking me what my plans were over the next few days and I told him that I am pretty busy - which I am. So he said to call him. I am refraining from caling tonight. He did not ask me if I was coming up to the bar. So I am not. I might not even call him tomorrow. Maybe Sunday. I don't know yet.

I cuddled with him. That should say something. Good or bad I don't know.

Okay- I am going to stop thinking about this and try and stay strong and not call or message him. Although, the first night we hung out - I left him around 430 and he called me at 530 - just to talk. I think - no I know - I will wait until tomorrow at the earliest. Make him wonder.

God, it is always sucha game and the rules are everchanging.