LOOKING FORWARD TO DEATH
Current mood: Every Day Is Like Sunday
"There's just no fucking point, man. No fucking point whatsoever."
"No shit. If we get one more drunk tryin' to use a welfare card to check out Backyard Butt Bitches and Congo Twat Adventures ..16...I think we'll have to call in the federalies."
"Fuck all of that. I'm talking about being alive. Existing. The whole bit, you know?"
"Adam, I knew you were fucking bats but I didn't know you were completely FUBAR. Why don't you take a break or something?"
"I've had about as much as I'm going to take of this fucking hell on earth planet. Every fucking minute of it I despise"
"Chill on that for a minute, Boss of Bossess...looks like Lil Greg's gonna check out some more of that homoerotic anime. Game face, Adam."
"Oh, fuck that. It's useless. It's not like they care about what we fucking say. They don't actually care about anything outside of their immediate desires and superficial pasttimes. I could be standing here covered in napalm and as long as I get this fucking zitfaced android his Dragonball Z...he's right as rain. Aint that right, fucko?"
"Jesus Adam! Sorry about that man. I think the night manager is on a death trip. He didn't mean anything personal. Here's a two for one coupon."
"Tom, am I not right? Isn't this shithole just one giant self-serving pit of despair?"
"Yeah, but I don't know what the christ brought this conversation up, y'know? We still gotta reshrinkwrap all of those copies of the new Sandra Bullock shitpile...maybe it's the chemicals in the hot plastic. Fuck, man."
"No Tom, I've been piecing it all together in my head. The reason for my despair is the lack of humanity in this culture and the people in it. How many real friends do you have? We all run through each other as mere acquaintances until moving on to our next chapter in hell. Human relations have been reduced to nothing more than turning a page in a lifestyle magazine. You get what you need from the pictures and turn the page."
"Fuck, Adam. I get it now, you lovesick bastard. This is all about Jeannie, right? Thanks for damning us all just because some chick doesn't wanna spend some time with your brooding ass. Come off it, dick."
"Tom, that's definetley part of it. Her lack of interest in anything other than herself and how she feels is typical of the majority. I don't know why I didn't see all of this sooner. Human Conversations? It's a chess game of two people waiting for their turns to speak. No one engages in meaningful discourse anymore. Listening went out with the 8-track, Tom. She's a heartless bitch that uses men for entertainment and gifts and then goes back to her lair. She's no better or worse than any other person on this shithole."
"She's not that bad, Adam. How come everyone's an asshole? Even though you've got the personality of a used condom...we seem to get on alright."
"The process isn't complete, man. We're being deprogrammed into beings of use in a kingdom of options. It'll be our undoing. It's real science fiction, baby. It's slow moving but it'll be exact you know. This slavery. Prices go up. New diseases are being invented. New cures are being designed to merely treat and therefore create new sickness. Technology is used to monitor your behaviors and habits instead of coexisting with life. It's all real godless, Tom. I want to die. I really do."
"Is there anything I can do, Adam?"
"I like you, Tom. You've been pretty straight with me. I don't understand why I can't have love. I don't understand why people are this bad in general. I still can't see the big picture. I'm still in that shock state. Like how things got this way. Or maybe how I can improve myself and be a better human being. Stop being such a thoughtless consumer or something. Fuck, man. You just can't go on without feeling wanted. Regardless of the positive or negative aspects of your life. If you don't feel love by the ones you desire, than you can't enjoy life until that feeling or that person is out of your life."
"So all of this prophet of doom business is the grieving process over Jeannie?"
"Yes and no. Maybe things will clear up a little if I can get away from here. The problem is she's still over at the candy store while I'm over here. So we're always going to have to be social to some degree. I can't take it, Tom."
"You're going to let some candy clerk dictate how you feel? Do you even know what else is going on around you? You're the highest paid and most dependable manager in the Highland Video chain. There's a fuckin' memo on the breakroom wall saying all of that. Not only do you have a good job in a secure industry, you've just about finished that accounting or whatever degree. You can be all like doing people's taxes and working at a video store at the same time. That's cool as shit man."
"That stuff is just stuff, though. As stupid as that sounds."
"Adam, for fuck's sake. I wish there was a tape I could make that show's all of the people that really dig you, y'know. All your boys from back in the day. College friends. Bar friends. All of those motherfuckers. And everytime you try and get all Nostradomus on my ass...I'll just pop the goddamned tape in to calm your gloomy ass down. Go get some Zima or something. Fuck."
"Maybe when Jeannie isn't around, I can see and appreaciate some of that. But the things I was talking about are still true."
"No shit. The world's a fucking horrible place. Being alive is a struggle. Almost a curse even. I get the picture. I wasn't born on an Amish colony, Adam. Shake this stupid bitch out of your mind. You need to start getting all joking around again. People are going to start asking questions!!!"
"Rejection isn't funny. I'll laugh when I'm back to square one. The way I was before I met Jeannie. When that point and time comes, I'll try to be everybodies little dancing monkey."
"Yeah...that's the Adam everyone know and loves."
"See, fuck that man. Why can't people want to love me and spend time with me when I'm having a bad day? Is my only purpose in my friends' live to be a comedian? That proves my point. Jeannie, you, the crew you all take what you need from me and call me when it's convenient for you. That's really fucked up and that's not how you treat people. Some random pop culture trivia question...call Adam. Party is looking dull...call Adam. Need new music to listen to...call Adam. But when it comes down to Adam wanting something more out of relationship...that just isn't possible...not convenient. That's really fucked up. And that's why I feel this way."
"Dude, I really didn't mean it like that. I'm sure Jeannie isn't malicious in her mindset, neither y'know? Can't you see that?"
"Tom, you don't have to have malicious intent to do things that are insensitive. Not returning what has been given to you in some form is an inaction. But it is malicious. I'm a feeling being. When someone rejects me and uses me I get hurt. I am not Clint Eastwood from the fucking spaghetti westerns. I want love and have earned it. Simple as that. None of these things are available to me, so I do not want to be alive anymore."
"Please don't kill yourself or go on some kind of self-destructing rampage. I dig you, Adam. So does everyone else. I'm sorry that I don't measure up your vision of a friend."
"See, the only person I hold any specific grudge against is Jeannie. But I'm working on getting that out of my system. Her carelessness and selfishness isn't some isolated evil. The whole world is sick, man. I guess that's my catharsis. It's what keeps me from crying every fifteen minutes. The world is sick so this girl doesn't care about me because she's part of this vile planet."
"Jesus, Adam. I know meds are part of this giant villain conspiracy of yours. But I think you need to look into it. I'd hate for you to fuck up your work and school with some depression. I'll help you out with whatever you need."
"All I need is for her to be away from me. Forever. I can't heal. It's fucking brutal trying to remain some kind of friend figure when your insides are fucking black and rotted from lovelessness. It'll get where it needs to go. I'll be over it soon."
"Why don't you internet date or just get out more. Hell, me and Lila would be glad to go out with you and meet some peeps. Maybe we'll even get Lila to DD for us. Whaddya say?"
"I'm up for it but don't expect me to be Richard Pryor."
"I just expect you to step out of the hurtbox for a couple of hours and see how even some video geeks can have a whale of a time on the vile planet you speak of."
"Fine. I can cry later. I'll put the Roy Orbison cds on pause till I get home."
"Try acting like a manager, too. The human hamburgers'll try stealing those video games while your drowning in your tears."
SOUNDTRACK OF THE DAY
Zolar X
Slim Cessna
Frijid Pink
Lulu
Ex-Girl
Antony & The Johnsons
Pebbles box set
Geto Boys
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT
Current mood: Every Day Is Like Sunday
"There's just no fucking point, man. No fucking point whatsoever."
"No shit. If we get one more drunk tryin' to use a welfare card to check out Backyard Butt Bitches and Congo Twat Adventures ..16...I think we'll have to call in the federalies."
"Fuck all of that. I'm talking about being alive. Existing. The whole bit, you know?"
"Adam, I knew you were fucking bats but I didn't know you were completely FUBAR. Why don't you take a break or something?"
"I've had about as much as I'm going to take of this fucking hell on earth planet. Every fucking minute of it I despise"
"Chill on that for a minute, Boss of Bossess...looks like Lil Greg's gonna check out some more of that homoerotic anime. Game face, Adam."
"Oh, fuck that. It's useless. It's not like they care about what we fucking say. They don't actually care about anything outside of their immediate desires and superficial pasttimes. I could be standing here covered in napalm and as long as I get this fucking zitfaced android his Dragonball Z...he's right as rain. Aint that right, fucko?"
"Jesus Adam! Sorry about that man. I think the night manager is on a death trip. He didn't mean anything personal. Here's a two for one coupon."
"Tom, am I not right? Isn't this shithole just one giant self-serving pit of despair?"
"Yeah, but I don't know what the christ brought this conversation up, y'know? We still gotta reshrinkwrap all of those copies of the new Sandra Bullock shitpile...maybe it's the chemicals in the hot plastic. Fuck, man."
"No Tom, I've been piecing it all together in my head. The reason for my despair is the lack of humanity in this culture and the people in it. How many real friends do you have? We all run through each other as mere acquaintances until moving on to our next chapter in hell. Human relations have been reduced to nothing more than turning a page in a lifestyle magazine. You get what you need from the pictures and turn the page."
"Fuck, Adam. I get it now, you lovesick bastard. This is all about Jeannie, right? Thanks for damning us all just because some chick doesn't wanna spend some time with your brooding ass. Come off it, dick."
"Tom, that's definetley part of it. Her lack of interest in anything other than herself and how she feels is typical of the majority. I don't know why I didn't see all of this sooner. Human Conversations? It's a chess game of two people waiting for their turns to speak. No one engages in meaningful discourse anymore. Listening went out with the 8-track, Tom. She's a heartless bitch that uses men for entertainment and gifts and then goes back to her lair. She's no better or worse than any other person on this shithole."
"She's not that bad, Adam. How come everyone's an asshole? Even though you've got the personality of a used condom...we seem to get on alright."
"The process isn't complete, man. We're being deprogrammed into beings of use in a kingdom of options. It'll be our undoing. It's real science fiction, baby. It's slow moving but it'll be exact you know. This slavery. Prices go up. New diseases are being invented. New cures are being designed to merely treat and therefore create new sickness. Technology is used to monitor your behaviors and habits instead of coexisting with life. It's all real godless, Tom. I want to die. I really do."
"Is there anything I can do, Adam?"
"I like you, Tom. You've been pretty straight with me. I don't understand why I can't have love. I don't understand why people are this bad in general. I still can't see the big picture. I'm still in that shock state. Like how things got this way. Or maybe how I can improve myself and be a better human being. Stop being such a thoughtless consumer or something. Fuck, man. You just can't go on without feeling wanted. Regardless of the positive or negative aspects of your life. If you don't feel love by the ones you desire, than you can't enjoy life until that feeling or that person is out of your life."
"So all of this prophet of doom business is the grieving process over Jeannie?"
"Yes and no. Maybe things will clear up a little if I can get away from here. The problem is she's still over at the candy store while I'm over here. So we're always going to have to be social to some degree. I can't take it, Tom."
"You're going to let some candy clerk dictate how you feel? Do you even know what else is going on around you? You're the highest paid and most dependable manager in the Highland Video chain. There's a fuckin' memo on the breakroom wall saying all of that. Not only do you have a good job in a secure industry, you've just about finished that accounting or whatever degree. You can be all like doing people's taxes and working at a video store at the same time. That's cool as shit man."
"That stuff is just stuff, though. As stupid as that sounds."
"Adam, for fuck's sake. I wish there was a tape I could make that show's all of the people that really dig you, y'know. All your boys from back in the day. College friends. Bar friends. All of those motherfuckers. And everytime you try and get all Nostradomus on my ass...I'll just pop the goddamned tape in to calm your gloomy ass down. Go get some Zima or something. Fuck."
"Maybe when Jeannie isn't around, I can see and appreaciate some of that. But the things I was talking about are still true."
"No shit. The world's a fucking horrible place. Being alive is a struggle. Almost a curse even. I get the picture. I wasn't born on an Amish colony, Adam. Shake this stupid bitch out of your mind. You need to start getting all joking around again. People are going to start asking questions!!!"
"Rejection isn't funny. I'll laugh when I'm back to square one. The way I was before I met Jeannie. When that point and time comes, I'll try to be everybodies little dancing monkey."
"Yeah...that's the Adam everyone know and loves."
"See, fuck that man. Why can't people want to love me and spend time with me when I'm having a bad day? Is my only purpose in my friends' live to be a comedian? That proves my point. Jeannie, you, the crew you all take what you need from me and call me when it's convenient for you. That's really fucked up and that's not how you treat people. Some random pop culture trivia question...call Adam. Party is looking dull...call Adam. Need new music to listen to...call Adam. But when it comes down to Adam wanting something more out of relationship...that just isn't possible...not convenient. That's really fucked up. And that's why I feel this way."
"Dude, I really didn't mean it like that. I'm sure Jeannie isn't malicious in her mindset, neither y'know? Can't you see that?"
"Tom, you don't have to have malicious intent to do things that are insensitive. Not returning what has been given to you in some form is an inaction. But it is malicious. I'm a feeling being. When someone rejects me and uses me I get hurt. I am not Clint Eastwood from the fucking spaghetti westerns. I want love and have earned it. Simple as that. None of these things are available to me, so I do not want to be alive anymore."
"Please don't kill yourself or go on some kind of self-destructing rampage. I dig you, Adam. So does everyone else. I'm sorry that I don't measure up your vision of a friend."
"See, the only person I hold any specific grudge against is Jeannie. But I'm working on getting that out of my system. Her carelessness and selfishness isn't some isolated evil. The whole world is sick, man. I guess that's my catharsis. It's what keeps me from crying every fifteen minutes. The world is sick so this girl doesn't care about me because she's part of this vile planet."
"Jesus, Adam. I know meds are part of this giant villain conspiracy of yours. But I think you need to look into it. I'd hate for you to fuck up your work and school with some depression. I'll help you out with whatever you need."
"All I need is for her to be away from me. Forever. I can't heal. It's fucking brutal trying to remain some kind of friend figure when your insides are fucking black and rotted from lovelessness. It'll get where it needs to go. I'll be over it soon."
"Why don't you internet date or just get out more. Hell, me and Lila would be glad to go out with you and meet some peeps. Maybe we'll even get Lila to DD for us. Whaddya say?"
"I'm up for it but don't expect me to be Richard Pryor."
"I just expect you to step out of the hurtbox for a couple of hours and see how even some video geeks can have a whale of a time on the vile planet you speak of."
"Fine. I can cry later. I'll put the Roy Orbison cds on pause till I get home."
"Try acting like a manager, too. The human hamburgers'll try stealing those video games while your drowning in your tears."
SOUNDTRACK OF THE DAY
Zolar X
Slim Cessna
Frijid Pink
Lulu
Ex-Girl
Antony & The Johnsons
Pebbles box set
Geto Boys
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
dark loopy boy. sometimes I feel we're all cartoons. then I look around for the movement lines and realize they aren't there. maybe it's because we're not moving.