whatiwas

Standing in front of her made it all there, present after an absence I feared was permanent and still fear is merely temporary, the weight of real time sinking into my skin, kissing it as it shuddered its way into me, and for the first time, I was living it without observation, wanting to touch her arms, wanting to hold her hostage so that time would slow and keep her there for a small bit of forever, wanting her to just stop moving for just a second and love me like the raindrops whispering in my ears loved me.

It twisted inside, ruthless and hot and beautiful, refreshingly clean after so many uncertain weeks, prodded by the sky and the cold, wet air and the irregular thump of the kick drum of a song I waited months to hear and found myself feeling then in spite of myself, the sound winding its way through my senses and binding itself to her, she'll find it childish, but I haven't truly been abandoned in anyone's arms for the longest time, haven't sighed next to someone or slept next to someone and actually anticipated waking up next to someone for the longest time,

it became belief/story/legend and I soaked it up, and she smiled and told me something so forcefully it was easy to contain the urge to kiss her simply because I needed to see what she would do next.