STOP! Blogging Time
Soooooo I'm back to my fun-fun summer madness schedule - which isn't as crazy as last year, hopefully I will not have to use my Dr. Manhattan powers as often.
Job #1 - I lifeguard and teach swimming lessons out at the outdoor pool in Devon, o and I'm a supervisor this year. I basically save lives when needed, otherwise sitting in...
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Soooooo I'm back to my fun-fun summer madness schedule - which isn't as crazy as last year, hopefully I will not have to use my Dr. Manhattan powers as often.
Job #1 - I lifeguard and teach swimming lessons out at the outdoor pool in Devon, o and I'm a supervisor this year. I basically save lives when needed, otherwise sitting in...
Read More
zoidberg79:
wow a lot of jobs!
Degree=Done!
My last day of student teaching was a tragic mix of emotions..........I was soooo happy to be finished my placement and degree, but I really didn't want to leave my students. I fell in love with them over the nine weeks I was at the school, and even though I had to use my 'teacher voice' quite often, they really became attached to me...
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My last day of student teaching was a tragic mix of emotions..........I was soooo happy to be finished my placement and degree, but I really didn't want to leave my students. I fell in love with them over the nine weeks I was at the school, and even though I had to use my 'teacher voice' quite often, they really became attached to me...
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maryjay:
thank you...
...dont you hate this weather?
...dont you hate this weather?
zenfish:
haha.
Sooooooooooooo
1) I'm moving, in a week and a half, to an apartment which I will share with another girl from choir! She's full of girl drama and awesomeness, so it should be interesting! I've never had a roommate before - yay new experiences! Though I am rather gloomy to leave my first home- on- my- own, but I'll be the first to admit that...
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1) I'm moving, in a week and a half, to an apartment which I will share with another girl from choir! She's full of girl drama and awesomeness, so it should be interesting! I've never had a roommate before - yay new experiences! Though I am rather gloomy to leave my first home- on- my- own, but I'll be the first to admit that...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
zenfish:
Hung out with the girlfriend, movies, inter-netting... cleaned the house abit.
Man, so much crap to toss/clean before I leave.
Man, so much crap to toss/clean before I leave.
vacio:
You know i dont know if i will ever fully overcome this anorexia, it really has consumed by mind body and spirit, i feel like it has taken over my life and i hate it..i hate my life right now.And shit i just want to box, get back in the ring, fight, be successful, but at the same time all i want to be is horribly emaciated. Its like my anorexia is my identity, one i cant shrug off, id much rather be known as a successful boxer than an anorexic, but i cant seem to let go of this thin ideal.
Im with you on the weighing thing, i really need to cut that out, if i dont know, i dont have to stress so much, but then not knowing makes me anxious too!!! I didnt weigh today and when i was in hospital yesterday i got on the scales backwards cos i really didnt want to know.I think ill wait till thursday before i weigh again, its tuesday today..
I hate working out now, i used to love it, but im doing different exercise thats more fun and enjoyable, i bought some rollerblades
its not so high intensity and its a good way for me to clear my mind. Im so tired though and find it hard to find that motivation to excercise for enjoyment.
Thank you for your suggestions, any are appreciated, i take it all onboard trust me..im desperate right now.
Thanks for all your support ,kind words and love..
Im with you on the weighing thing, i really need to cut that out, if i dont know, i dont have to stress so much, but then not knowing makes me anxious too!!! I didnt weigh today and when i was in hospital yesterday i got on the scales backwards cos i really didnt want to know.I think ill wait till thursday before i weigh again, its tuesday today..
I hate working out now, i used to love it, but im doing different exercise thats more fun and enjoyable, i bought some rollerblades
its not so high intensity and its a good way for me to clear my mind. Im so tired though and find it hard to find that motivation to excercise for enjoyment.
Thank you for your suggestions, any are appreciated, i take it all onboard trust me..im desperate right now.
Thanks for all your support ,kind words and love..
So it's spring break, and it's fabulous. I really needed some good ol' lying around time (which I've been doing lots of while I watch Heroes online ) though I keep fairly active in the evening times.
Friday: Take Back the Night, a protest march to end violence against women. Twas a very powerful experience, for one to be a part of a protest march...
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while I watch Heroes online ) though I keep fairly active in the evening times.
Friday: Take Back the Night, a protest march to end violence against women. Twas a very powerful experience, for one to be a part of a protest march...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
vacio:
Busy lady !!! Good on you for participating in that protest, ive always wanted to do something like that, sadly not many people seem to protest where i live !!! And thank you for your kind words, youre beautiful!!
thora:
The Erotic Art Affair sounds fun!
Glad to see that Take Back the Night is still going strong. I'm sorry to hear about your little sister.
Glad to see that Take Back the Night is still going strong. I'm sorry to hear about your little sister.
OTAY FOLKS!!
Soooooo pretty much I LOVE my future career.
I get to spend my days teaching kid songs, speech poems, adding body percussion, playing instruments, choreographing/encouraging creative movment, listening to music, and making children love it as much as I do.
For example, today I played a virtual game of algbraic 'Connect Four' with my grade six class, used rhythm sticks and handrums to...
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Soooooo pretty much I LOVE my future career.
I get to spend my days teaching kid songs, speech poems, adding body percussion, playing instruments, choreographing/encouraging creative movment, listening to music, and making children love it as much as I do.
For example, today I played a virtual game of algbraic 'Connect Four' with my grade six class, used rhythm sticks and handrums to...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
nuit:
Bonne Fte!!
thora:
Happy Birthday!
bob99e:
now thats funny...hey i got a comment cherry, now i need a cig.
Happy Festivus Everyone!!
Well December was madness as I wrapped up teaching and school, worked by buns off at a job I am not very fond of, and you-know, had some good times.
Santa was quite good to me bringing:
-a microwave! yay!
-a spice rack
-a tempered glassware food storage set
- sleeping beauty
-a scarf
- giftcards and various little thingys
In other...
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Well December was madness as I wrapped up teaching and school, worked by buns off at a job I am not very fond of, and you-know, had some good times.
Santa was quite good to me bringing:
-a microwave! yay!
-a spice rack
-a tempered glassware food storage set
- sleeping beauty
-a scarf
- giftcards and various little thingys
In other...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
realistic67:
Chat up more women...
Meet someone nice (or several Someone nice's)
figure me out...
figure them out too
Meet someone nice (or several Someone nice's)
figure me out...
figure them out too
realistic67:
Really I couldn't tell you. What she was or is... I should really stop harping on it.
See, really... the guys who make it with women. They have this thing I haven't yet developed. It's an emotional disconnect. That just say. "Stupid Chick ... lesbian... she wasn't my type... Ugly bitch " what ever floats their ego and doesn't fuck with their style.
They move on and hit on... chat up ... get with the next girl that floats their boat for that moment. And strangely you all seem to respond to that as the BEST guy ( versus the NICE guy... which I always frame myself as...).
Me? I get "One-it-us" I experience rejection from one attractive woman and that rejection takes me over. It eats me up inside. And I pull back too hard, and let really great cool people of both sexes past me by, basically out of fear.
This is what I want to change.... And the only way I see forward is getting used to and more importantly PAST rejection.
Sit at a cafe all day and say Hi to everyone who I meet. Burn into myself the real fact that rejection is localized. More importantly, that momentary rejection is quite frankly, ineffectual to the further outcome of my own life's events. As they have rejected me... but I'm not really wounded or dead. Exiled from their subjective experience. But, still free to pursue my own.
As long as I push past the uncomfortable experience of rejection. I might be able to save what's really great about me for someone else out there, who really feels I'm special to them.
See, really... the guys who make it with women. They have this thing I haven't yet developed. It's an emotional disconnect. That just say. "Stupid Chick ... lesbian... she wasn't my type... Ugly bitch " what ever floats their ego and doesn't fuck with their style.
They move on and hit on... chat up ... get with the next girl that floats their boat for that moment. And strangely you all seem to respond to that as the BEST guy ( versus the NICE guy... which I always frame myself as...).
Me? I get "One-it-us" I experience rejection from one attractive woman and that rejection takes me over. It eats me up inside. And I pull back too hard, and let really great cool people of both sexes past me by, basically out of fear.
This is what I want to change.... And the only way I see forward is getting used to and more importantly PAST rejection.
Sit at a cafe all day and say Hi to everyone who I meet. Burn into myself the real fact that rejection is localized. More importantly, that momentary rejection is quite frankly, ineffectual to the further outcome of my own life's events. As they have rejected me... but I'm not really wounded or dead. Exiled from their subjective experience. But, still free to pursue my own.
As long as I push past the uncomfortable experience of rejection. I might be able to save what's really great about me for someone else out there, who really feels I'm special to them.
Life is good right now, just busy working and lesson planning.
My hair is Pink!! and it's a million kinds of awesome. Pictures coming soon.
My hair is Pink!! and it's a million kinds of awesome. Pictures coming soon.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
realistic67:
Every now and then my life is rained full of momentary lapses of reason... Raw emotion takes over. At the oddest times, so controlled as I am. But still it erupts... It washes over me like a monsoon.
And, in those moments, I just have to remind myself when I'm at my best.... Even as I feel it all.
Although I've been hurt by another.
HERE.... Now... here I make it up... I make it real.... and feed it to myself. Like some strange celebration of that long ago storm.
This is a human action / reaction to anything outside our own ability to control at that moment of hurt. \. Really, I.... Originally experienced it. - In-grained it. I possessed it... that memory of pain. And I was forced to make it only mine. Really, all as an act to keep me safe from further pain.
I really don't need it. But, I'm no better or no worse than anyone else. That memory of pain completes my underlying personal dogma. Like your enemy makes you complete. And you understand hate. Because you've experienced hate and the hurt that's come from it.
But, more importantly... others here , almost everyone thankfully... you know that moment on hated /love ( even if it's not the exact same circumstances... of course it can't be.. each to each is our own experiences, emotions and reactions. They are like individual, unique rain drops falling to earth ) But, you understand.
And that is what I thank you for.... Because your replies make me think past my temporary, Myopic pain. to a moment where I might believe again...
Thank you....
And, in those moments, I just have to remind myself when I'm at my best.... Even as I feel it all.
Although I've been hurt by another.
HERE.... Now... here I make it up... I make it real.... and feed it to myself. Like some strange celebration of that long ago storm.
This is a human action / reaction to anything outside our own ability to control at that moment of hurt. \. Really, I.... Originally experienced it. - In-grained it. I possessed it... that memory of pain. And I was forced to make it only mine. Really, all as an act to keep me safe from further pain.
I really don't need it. But, I'm no better or no worse than anyone else. That memory of pain completes my underlying personal dogma. Like your enemy makes you complete. And you understand hate. Because you've experienced hate and the hurt that's come from it.
But, more importantly... others here , almost everyone thankfully... you know that moment on hated /love ( even if it's not the exact same circumstances... of course it can't be.. each to each is our own experiences, emotions and reactions. They are like individual, unique rain drops falling to earth ) But, you understand.
And that is what I thank you for.... Because your replies make me think past my temporary, Myopic pain. to a moment where I might believe again...
Thank you....
rdpixie:
You too! Lets hope it only brings awesomeness! 
Perspective is an odd sensation.
Anyways, I feel loads better today!
Love to you all
Anyways, I feel loads better today!
Love to you all
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
wanderlustt:
Aww Thanks! Yup I was a fairy lol
londyn:
Thanks lady <3 I appreciate it
6 Months today. phew. Did it. Things are going well on that front.
Mostly sifting through old memories as I pack up my room to move tomorrow. What to keep, what to toss. Feeling kind of emotional reading old love notes from my first love and our first couple years. I love handwritten letters on plain pieces of paper. No Halmark mass-produced feelings for me...
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Mostly sifting through old memories as I pack up my room to move tomorrow. What to keep, what to toss. Feeling kind of emotional reading old love notes from my first love and our first couple years. I love handwritten letters on plain pieces of paper. No Halmark mass-produced feelings for me...
Read More
I'm a happy person in general, but when I do feel a negative emotion it's hard for me to admit it. It's almost as if I'm ashamed that I feel upset, angry, sad, or just grumpy so I paste a smile on my face and go along through this chaos we call life.
I think it's selfish of me to feel these emotions and express...
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I think it's selfish of me to feel these emotions and express...
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hearse83:
I was told at work to not wear my heart on my sleeve so much. Something which has worked so well. It's almost like you want to SEEM like you're wearing your heart on your sleeve, so you fake being happy and charming all the time, and you just push through.
I don't think you should feel ashamed of your emotions, I think that could probably lead to a mental breakdown if you don't find a way to express those and let other people know how you feel. But if straight up telling someone makes you feel guility, maybe you could find another outlet, like writing or kickboxing or who knows what.
I don't think you should feel ashamed of your emotions, I think that could probably lead to a mental breakdown if you don't find a way to express those and let other people know how you feel. But if straight up telling someone makes you feel guility, maybe you could find another outlet, like writing or kickboxing or who knows what.
