voldenae

Life = Hectic

I think life took crazy pills while all of us little college kids were on Christmas Break.
People were peachy, or only slightly havinf issues before the break, after the break, life turned itself upside down in as somewhat not cool yet interesting way.

I'm not quite sure what to make out of all of it yet...I mean certain things are good, classes are not too strenuous yet, other things are still hell-ish and I'm trying to make heads or tails of it all.

It's all so very...curious...I kind of believe in Fate, so I believe if certain things are meant to happen then they will regardless, and if you're meant to be with someone you will, despite the time frame, but I also believe in dreams and signs, because, well I never used to and then I was made a believer I could say?
Well certain things that are going on are contradictory as to what these things are pointing to, it makes me wonder if something is interfering...I don't know, all I can rely on is what it actually happening around me, and thats all hectic and crazy and has no consistency, everytime I start to rely on something it shifts...like an endless ocean beneath me that is constantly changing and throwing me for a loop everytime I try to predict it's next devastating move.

Unfortunately I am not the only person going through this right now. It seems that everyone around me has been hit with this crazed event in some way or another. It's sweeping us all away in this tsunami of confusion, and more often than not, pain.

Although admittedly, something wonderful has come out of all of this, for one I am now closer with a friend than I was before, and I think without her I would be lost. But also, I am finally of the realization that someone that I thought I loved (very un-requited love) for years, I don't. I could never turn him down, never say no to him, never get over every new girl he brought around even though I played the loyal best friend. But now, I realize thats just it, he's my best friend, and that's it, and I am actually greatful for this. It took someone else to break me from the delusion, and I'm not quite sure what that means for me...perhaps my unrequited feelings have nestled themselves somewhere else?
All I know is that things happen for a reason, and my "love" for my best friend had me there for him through certain terrible events, and helped me realize that friendship was more important than a lot of other things.
So perhaps this new "situation" that I have found myself in is going to be for the greater good in the future, there is really no telling...
I am now trusting myself to Fate, not totally mind you, I do believe I influence my life and future, but certain things are out of my control, it happens.

So lately my days have been filled with random sleeping hours, crazed emotions, even crazier situations, sitting through classes, kind of drifting day by day. I'm very unsure about the future at this point, and I never have been before...but I'm sure it will come to me soon, especially with all the thinking I've been doing lately.

You can't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

As for me, I feel a bit like a catastrophe, I stroll into people's lives with chaos at my heels and destruction of normality in my wake. I am a catalyst for sudden change, impulsive decisions, and wild emotions..
I'm not sure why. But it happens, and all I do is try to help those who got swept up in the wake back on their feet again.

It's all so very confusing, interesting, crazy, and unnerving, yet in a small way entertaining and surreal. Who knows? It'll all work itself out one day, as for this crazy little chica, I'm gonna work on school and my friends, the rest will come as it will, although I think a few art projects and written works will be birthed from all this madness.

One day we will all look back at this and laugh. I find that amusing...

I'm out, I have Scrubs and Invader Zim, and life, for the moment, is good.