Pardon my previous post, I was extremely angry and tired.
Now I am just extremely tired and achey and wanting to barf. So with no further ado I am going to start rambling.
I think I've become a psychic addict. I can barely go a day without talking to mine now. I've been dealing with so much shit lately and for some reason talking to her seems to make me feel better than talking to my therapist. That in itself makes me feel wierd, however, the reassurance I get from my psychic is different than the reassurance I get from my therapist because I really think my psychic KNOWS. So instead of maybes I am getting direct yes' and no. I really like to know for sure about stuff, it's just the way I am. I think it's completely tied into the whole anxiety factor- when I don't know stuff for sure is when I freak out. So as you might be able to tell, change scares me, I'm very impatient when it comes to matters of the mind and heart, and I'm a very nervous and superstitious person. With my type of personality you'd probably figure I am not religious at all, but there were a few experiences in my recent past that changed my opinion on religion as well and I am now positive there is a God or higher being. So I pray a lot. Especially lately.
I confuse myself though. Believing in God requires faith, which I thought was not knowing for sure- something I can't handle, and the way I was raised (Catholic) I know that God does not approve of fortune telling. So am I fucking up? I mean I am not trying to live a life by the book by any means, but when looking for answers to lifes questions should I be choosing one route and sticking to it?
Christ I think too fucking much. But shit like this is what goes on in my head all the time. I am constantly trying to figure out what to do and how things work, and how PEOPLE work, and how to do things the right way, and constantly second and third guessing myself just trying to make sense of everything. I am surprised I am not more insane than I already am.
Anyway my head hurts and my fake eyelashes are sticking in my eye (yes I said fuck it and fell asleep in my makeup last night) so here's a picture of me and my friend Emily from last night and then I'm going to go clean myself up. As you can see I am very excited to be so close to such a nice pair of boobs and am formulating a plan on how to get them to come home with me.
Fleece out.
Now I am just extremely tired and achey and wanting to barf. So with no further ado I am going to start rambling.
I think I've become a psychic addict. I can barely go a day without talking to mine now. I've been dealing with so much shit lately and for some reason talking to her seems to make me feel better than talking to my therapist. That in itself makes me feel wierd, however, the reassurance I get from my psychic is different than the reassurance I get from my therapist because I really think my psychic KNOWS. So instead of maybes I am getting direct yes' and no. I really like to know for sure about stuff, it's just the way I am. I think it's completely tied into the whole anxiety factor- when I don't know stuff for sure is when I freak out. So as you might be able to tell, change scares me, I'm very impatient when it comes to matters of the mind and heart, and I'm a very nervous and superstitious person. With my type of personality you'd probably figure I am not religious at all, but there were a few experiences in my recent past that changed my opinion on religion as well and I am now positive there is a God or higher being. So I pray a lot. Especially lately.
I confuse myself though. Believing in God requires faith, which I thought was not knowing for sure- something I can't handle, and the way I was raised (Catholic) I know that God does not approve of fortune telling. So am I fucking up? I mean I am not trying to live a life by the book by any means, but when looking for answers to lifes questions should I be choosing one route and sticking to it?
Christ I think too fucking much. But shit like this is what goes on in my head all the time. I am constantly trying to figure out what to do and how things work, and how PEOPLE work, and how to do things the right way, and constantly second and third guessing myself just trying to make sense of everything. I am surprised I am not more insane than I already am.
Anyway my head hurts and my fake eyelashes are sticking in my eye (yes I said fuck it and fell asleep in my makeup last night) so here's a picture of me and my friend Emily from last night and then I'm going to go clean myself up. As you can see I am very excited to be so close to such a nice pair of boobs and am formulating a plan on how to get them to come home with me.
Fleece out.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I used the Celtic Cross reading because it's the most common and covers a lot of areas. I used the "Wheel of Change" deck because you're going through so many changes right now.
Card 1 is the heart of the matter, the central issue or focal point. The card here is the Queen of Cups. This is a loving, gentle woman who focuses on her emotions. I see this as representing you. The heart of the matter is your desire to give and receive love. You like to take care of other people and are hurt when they don't appreciate your love. You may wish to allow yourself to feel all your emotions right now. It won't be comfortable, but in the long run it'll help you get through things.
Card 2 is the opposing factor. Its something that works as an obstacle. This card is the Hermit 9. Right now you feel like getting away from everyone and everything in your life. In some cases, time away can be helpful, but in your case it is an obstacle. There are people around you who love you and will support you through this time. Seek them out rather than hiding away.
Card 3 is the source of the problem. The card is The Hierophant 5 reversed. This suggests that your ex may have been a controlling person who presented himself as a trustworthy "authority" figure. Someone you can go to when you need him. However, he's been presenting you with a false image (as you know only too well now). His lies form the basis of the situation, which makes sense given that the reading is about your relationship with him.
Card 4 is the recent past, something that is passing out of your life. The card is Strength 8. In the recent past, before everything went to hell, you probably felt as if everything (or most things anyway) was going well. Right now, that feeling is gone. That doesn't mean its gone forever. When we get hit upside the head by an ugly truth, it takes time to pull everything together again. This card just says that what you're feeling is normal. Hang in there, you have the inner strength to face this even though it doesn't feel that way right now.
Card 5 is a conscious influence. In essence, its what on your mind. The card is Temperance 14 reversed. Upright, this card stands for balance. Reversed it shows a lack of balance. Your emotions seem out of control, its hard to focus and you can't calm down. You feel as if everything is going to shit all at once. Again, this is normal for the situation you're in. Talk to trusted friends and make sure you take care of yourself during this time.
Card 6 is what is coming into your life at this time. The card is Ace of Disks reversed. This card says you need to make sure you are grounded and centered right now. That means trying to eat a healthy diet, moderate exercise, and maybe some meditating if you can. Just take the time to breath deeply and allow thoughts to move through your mind without focusing on them. Just seem them passing through and let them go.
Card 7 is you as you see yourself. This card is the High Priestess 2. You feel the need to withdraw and you probably feel that no one is really listening to right now. You know what you need to get through this, so listen to your intuition. You have a great deal of inner strength even if you don't feel like it right now.
Card 8 is you as others see you. This card is Judgement 20 reversed. You may feel that some people around you are judging you harshly. From your journal entries, it sounds like some of your friends aren't being supportive right now, so this card can refer to them. They may be judging you harshly because they don't really understand what you're going through. It may be best to avoid people like that and stick with people who understand you and will stay by your side.
Card 9 is a helpful suggestion for this situation. The card is Justice 11 reversed. This card suggests that you might be focused on feelings of revenge against your ex and it suggests that you *don't* follow through with these ideas (if you have them) as that will actually work in *his* favor. Its normal to have those feelings, just don't act on them. This also applies if you've been feeling like hurting yourself. Treat yourself with love and compassion. We all make mistakes, don't beat yourself up over it.
Card 10 is the potential outcome for this situation. Its only a possibility, because anything can happen in the future. This card is The Tower 16 reversed. This card says you've been through hell, everything you were sure about has been torn down and that's terribly painful. But what was really destroyed were the lies that were built around you. As painful as all of this is, you will get through it and move on. You have a chance now to make a new start. Take it and move forward. Living well is the best revenge.
You have a lot of Major Arcana cards in this reading - 8 out of 10 so this is a very important event in your life. You have a lot of challenges to face, but they are also opportunites to change your life for the better.
I hope this reading was helpful for you. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments. Remember, you're not in this alone...