I had an awful dream about my mother last night.
I dreamed she became a preschool teacher and my family and the families of the children she was teaching were throwing a huge party to celebrate her first week of class. Everyone was having a wonderful time and eating and drinking and no one seemed to care she had no degree or experience. I began asking what she had told these people to allow her to teach, especially since she had a criminal record in child abuse.
She showed me her brochure and in it was some vague paragraph stating that she had had problems in the past (didn't say what) but that she was recovered, and some other stuff I can't remember that somehow validated her right to teach.
I began trying to tell people to not trust their children with her- that she was a child abuser and had abused me my whole life. She had no teaching skills or real education past high school, and my family got mad at me for saying anything. They kept serving food and telling me to shut up. This enraged me and I began yelling to everyone at the party, "Don't let her near your children, she'll hurt them and warp them and abuse them!" My sister Teresa was like "oh shut up, stop making a scene and ruining the party," and handed me some weird looking cake thing that I knew was filled with bacteria. My grandfather was there too and he said he was disowning me and said it with such contempt I ran into the other room, where my mother was. I asked her how she could do this and I attacked her and tried to scream into her face she was a horrible person and I hated her for what she was doing. I started screaming at the parents of the children all the things she did to me, cutting off all of my hair forcing me to look like a boy for years, kicking me, punching me, giving me black eyes, humiliating me, spraining my neck, enforcing ridiculous punishments, screaming at me and degrading me, calling me terrible names, and no one would listen. Everyone sat eating their scones and dumplings and runny uncooked meats and cakes and other strange foods. I ran away from the party, past my old elementary school and back to my old house- the house that all these terrible things happened in. I ran to my old room (all the rooms had been turned into dormitories) and tried to lock the door, but the doors wouldn't close, there was too big a gap in between them for them to shut completely and lock. I began to cry.
I saw a little boy (who looked sort of like my brother at that age) crawl up next to my door, and he said, "I believe you." I grabbed his hand and tried to save him. I pulled him in a wagon back to the party because that was where my truck was and I tried to put him into it and drive away from there, but I was blocked in and everyone was acting like I was crazy. Everyone was staring at me with the most awful looks on their faces and I realized I was trapped.
And then I woke up.
Guess I should talk to my therapist about this today, since yannow, all of this actually happened, minus the teaching & party aspects.
And now, (stolen from my wife sinatras_doll ask me a question, any question.
I dreamed she became a preschool teacher and my family and the families of the children she was teaching were throwing a huge party to celebrate her first week of class. Everyone was having a wonderful time and eating and drinking and no one seemed to care she had no degree or experience. I began asking what she had told these people to allow her to teach, especially since she had a criminal record in child abuse.
She showed me her brochure and in it was some vague paragraph stating that she had had problems in the past (didn't say what) but that she was recovered, and some other stuff I can't remember that somehow validated her right to teach.
I began trying to tell people to not trust their children with her- that she was a child abuser and had abused me my whole life. She had no teaching skills or real education past high school, and my family got mad at me for saying anything. They kept serving food and telling me to shut up. This enraged me and I began yelling to everyone at the party, "Don't let her near your children, she'll hurt them and warp them and abuse them!" My sister Teresa was like "oh shut up, stop making a scene and ruining the party," and handed me some weird looking cake thing that I knew was filled with bacteria. My grandfather was there too and he said he was disowning me and said it with such contempt I ran into the other room, where my mother was. I asked her how she could do this and I attacked her and tried to scream into her face she was a horrible person and I hated her for what she was doing. I started screaming at the parents of the children all the things she did to me, cutting off all of my hair forcing me to look like a boy for years, kicking me, punching me, giving me black eyes, humiliating me, spraining my neck, enforcing ridiculous punishments, screaming at me and degrading me, calling me terrible names, and no one would listen. Everyone sat eating their scones and dumplings and runny uncooked meats and cakes and other strange foods. I ran away from the party, past my old elementary school and back to my old house- the house that all these terrible things happened in. I ran to my old room (all the rooms had been turned into dormitories) and tried to lock the door, but the doors wouldn't close, there was too big a gap in between them for them to shut completely and lock. I began to cry.
I saw a little boy (who looked sort of like my brother at that age) crawl up next to my door, and he said, "I believe you." I grabbed his hand and tried to save him. I pulled him in a wagon back to the party because that was where my truck was and I tried to put him into it and drive away from there, but I was blocked in and everyone was acting like I was crazy. Everyone was staring at me with the most awful looks on their faces and I realized I was trapped.
And then I woke up.
Guess I should talk to my therapist about this today, since yannow, all of this actually happened, minus the teaching & party aspects.
And now, (stolen from my wife sinatras_doll ask me a question, any question.