violently

i was afraid to bring up what i heard, but i knew that if i didn't i would start acting all weird and that would fuck things up. even though possibly bringing up what i heard could fuck things up too.

i brought it up. i didn't exactly get the reassurance i would like to hear, but i got what i can expect from someone who never commits to anything. so in essence what i heard was good. but it still makes me sad that it wasn't how i would've wanted to be told.

i just can't win. completely. but in this case i think i came out ahead.

although in retrospect, if i was not on my period and feeling anxious and emotional, the question of bringing up what i heard may never have crossed my mind.

oh, to know the roads less traveled! but some things i guess i'll never know.

if it's meant to be it will be, and if it's not then so be it. can't condemn myself for doing what i needed to do for my own wellbeing.

fuck it.

and now to continue on with my life and put this behind me.