I would like to talk about poop this morning.
It is amazing what taking a shit can do for you. I would know, because until today I had not shit in 10 days.
Yeah, you heard me. 10 days.
I have this thing where I can't poop at other people's houses. It's not even a conscious thing. I just don't go poop. It's like my ass knows it is not at home and so it shuts off. I didn't even realize I hadn't shit in 10 days until I got home and my stomach cramped up so bad I wanted to cry. On the can I had plenty of time to think about it and I realized the last time I had shit was before I went to my dude's house, which was 10 days ago. In fact, I may not have pooped for a few days beforehand as well, so we could very well be looking at 12 days, maybe 13.
Anyhow, the last few days at Nick's I'd been feeling very, well, walruslike. Bloated and flabby and basically disugsting. It didn't matter I was going to the gym while I was there, nothing was helping. I had no idea what was wrong with me (like I said, I forgot I hadn't shit) and was starting to think I would be suffering from PMS all month long. Not so. I got home today, took my shit, and hopped on the scale.
I LOST 5 POUNDS PEOPLE.
5 fucking pounds. I looked in the mirror, and what do you know? My stomach is relatively flat again. I can see my ribs. I can see my hipbones. My pants fit.
I am still in shock. Also relieved, and also thinking maybe I need to invest in some Metamucil, or something to keep me regular. Granted this is not something I thought I would have to look into for about, oh I dunno, 40 years, but hey. I feel a lot better and my pants fit again. That is worth the 5 dollars it will cost me in laxatives to keep me out of muu muus.
In other news, my arm is coming along nicely, and after another session or two with Pat my sleeve will be done. Also, the new puppy is fucking adorable and needs a name. I don't have a camera or I'd have pictures to show you all, but she's a chihuahua/mini pin mix and she looks like a tiny doberman. ADORABLE! I love her and she's my cuddle buddy. Hearts to my dude who rocks.
Tonight I am going out with Nikki as she is in town until Monday, so if any ladies would like to join us on our escapades, feel free to hit me up. Also, call me before I get drunk. I'm giving my phone to someone else to hold. And now I'm off to be productive.
Stay regular,
Mary
It is amazing what taking a shit can do for you. I would know, because until today I had not shit in 10 days.
Yeah, you heard me. 10 days.
I have this thing where I can't poop at other people's houses. It's not even a conscious thing. I just don't go poop. It's like my ass knows it is not at home and so it shuts off. I didn't even realize I hadn't shit in 10 days until I got home and my stomach cramped up so bad I wanted to cry. On the can I had plenty of time to think about it and I realized the last time I had shit was before I went to my dude's house, which was 10 days ago. In fact, I may not have pooped for a few days beforehand as well, so we could very well be looking at 12 days, maybe 13.
Anyhow, the last few days at Nick's I'd been feeling very, well, walruslike. Bloated and flabby and basically disugsting. It didn't matter I was going to the gym while I was there, nothing was helping. I had no idea what was wrong with me (like I said, I forgot I hadn't shit) and was starting to think I would be suffering from PMS all month long. Not so. I got home today, took my shit, and hopped on the scale.
I LOST 5 POUNDS PEOPLE.
5 fucking pounds. I looked in the mirror, and what do you know? My stomach is relatively flat again. I can see my ribs. I can see my hipbones. My pants fit.
I am still in shock. Also relieved, and also thinking maybe I need to invest in some Metamucil, or something to keep me regular. Granted this is not something I thought I would have to look into for about, oh I dunno, 40 years, but hey. I feel a lot better and my pants fit again. That is worth the 5 dollars it will cost me in laxatives to keep me out of muu muus.
In other news, my arm is coming along nicely, and after another session or two with Pat my sleeve will be done. Also, the new puppy is fucking adorable and needs a name. I don't have a camera or I'd have pictures to show you all, but she's a chihuahua/mini pin mix and she looks like a tiny doberman. ADORABLE! I love her and she's my cuddle buddy. Hearts to my dude who rocks.
Tonight I am going out with Nikki as she is in town until Monday, so if any ladies would like to join us on our escapades, feel free to hit me up. Also, call me before I get drunk. I'm giving my phone to someone else to hold. And now I'm off to be productive.
Stay regular,
Mary
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- RC