I cannot stop eating you guys. What the fuck. Also I cannot stop drinking, but I guess that is neither here nor there. I mean every day this week has been the new Friday. Get the fuck into. Originally I was going with Mondays are the new Friday, but now every day is the new Friday. Yeah I'm an alcoholic. What?
But back to my belly. Like ok I lost 2 lbs, so I am down from the 4 I magically put on but I feel like I am up 400. So technically I am losing weight but feeling fatter. How the fuck does this work? And meanwhile I am laying around my house naked and hacking up a lung because I smoke too much and snarfeling and making walrus sounds and overall I am just hot business. Seriously. Like the dude I brought home last night, oh did I mention I brought home a dude? I brought home a dude, no I didn't get laid, and I will backtrack in just a second here, but yeah this dude, like I don't get why he came home with me anyway. I mean hello, I am not in top form by any means, even while I was at the club last night.
Ok so backtrack.
Last night I went to the Canyon Club and tried to be awesome but it wasn't happening because I was feeling fat and bloated and disgusting all the live long day. Like I am just gross and barftastic in general lately. Gee maybe it is from the 80 thousand beers I have been drinking all week. Maybe that has something to do with it. You never know. A little something to think about. So anyway I get my vodka on and start talking to my sister's friends platonic dude friend Josh. Like no one touches him because he is technically like that hetero lifemate friend that no one dates because no one is attracted to him. Although I don't know why because he is nice and not a bad looking guy, and he's actually pretty fun. Unless that was the alcohol. Who knows. Anyway I was hanging out with him all night and we were boozing it up and then I decided to make out with him because hey why the fuck not right? Thursdays are the new Friday and the new Friday means rape. So rape away I did. And it was all fun and games and then I brought him home with me and he was a gentleman and we went to sleep and we cuddled and the pants stayed completely on and it was very good and we will probably never hang out ever again and I am sincerely totally fine with that. In fact it would be much radder that way. I am like a preying mantis of sorts, except instead of biting your head off after we make out, I just never speak to you again. Fucking awesome.
Anyway, so that was my night. Oh to anyone I left drunken rap messages to at 3 am, I am sorry. I decided I was Busta Rhymes and when the flip mode overtakes you, you cannot deny. It is just how it goes. So I apologize. Also I apologize to Sue Orlando. I thought that I was dialing my sisters number. So that drunken rendition of Gimme Some More was not for you. But I hope you enjoyed it anyhow.
Fleece.
But back to my belly. Like ok I lost 2 lbs, so I am down from the 4 I magically put on but I feel like I am up 400. So technically I am losing weight but feeling fatter. How the fuck does this work? And meanwhile I am laying around my house naked and hacking up a lung because I smoke too much and snarfeling and making walrus sounds and overall I am just hot business. Seriously. Like the dude I brought home last night, oh did I mention I brought home a dude? I brought home a dude, no I didn't get laid, and I will backtrack in just a second here, but yeah this dude, like I don't get why he came home with me anyway. I mean hello, I am not in top form by any means, even while I was at the club last night.
Ok so backtrack.
Last night I went to the Canyon Club and tried to be awesome but it wasn't happening because I was feeling fat and bloated and disgusting all the live long day. Like I am just gross and barftastic in general lately. Gee maybe it is from the 80 thousand beers I have been drinking all week. Maybe that has something to do with it. You never know. A little something to think about. So anyway I get my vodka on and start talking to my sister's friends platonic dude friend Josh. Like no one touches him because he is technically like that hetero lifemate friend that no one dates because no one is attracted to him. Although I don't know why because he is nice and not a bad looking guy, and he's actually pretty fun. Unless that was the alcohol. Who knows. Anyway I was hanging out with him all night and we were boozing it up and then I decided to make out with him because hey why the fuck not right? Thursdays are the new Friday and the new Friday means rape. So rape away I did. And it was all fun and games and then I brought him home with me and he was a gentleman and we went to sleep and we cuddled and the pants stayed completely on and it was very good and we will probably never hang out ever again and I am sincerely totally fine with that. In fact it would be much radder that way. I am like a preying mantis of sorts, except instead of biting your head off after we make out, I just never speak to you again. Fucking awesome.
Anyway, so that was my night. Oh to anyone I left drunken rap messages to at 3 am, I am sorry. I decided I was Busta Rhymes and when the flip mode overtakes you, you cannot deny. It is just how it goes. So I apologize. Also I apologize to Sue Orlando. I thought that I was dialing my sisters number. So that drunken rendition of Gimme Some More was not for you. But I hope you enjoyed it anyhow.
Fleece.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Oh yea Beer fucks you up. Your weight will go insane up and down. Try this...2 beers 1 glass of water. Repeat all night. Substitute Vodka for beer when needed. It'll slow you down and help flush system for next day. When I was a trainer its what we did.
Oh and the jokes on your gent. Im sure he hoped for a replay and credit for the behavior. I have some real Cadly friends...
Well see that is how people with eating disorders feel, that is why a girl who is 90 pounds can look at herself and sees a fat girl and every one else looks at that person and sees skin and bones. Well maybe that is a sign that even when your at your worst your better looking then most girls.
Well what if the boy calls you or comes up and talks to you at a bar, will you still not talk to him.
I want a drunken rap messages.