vervain______

this is
what a heart looks like
if someone placed it
in a glass case
aimed lights on it.
here is
a breast,
a lung,
a brain.
we
walk around quietly.
the lighting is moody.
some are listening to the
audio.
i am on the verge
of tears.
the ticket was free.
given to us
by my father's wife.
i walked into the exhibit
excited to be walking alone,
with my own thoughts,
my own eyes.
i was caught unaware.
bodies are sliced
in twos, in threes
or more.
there is a cross section
of a body with a five month old
fetus inside, caught there,
preserved and frozen.
the deaths of these people
haunt me.
especially the mother and
child's.
or maybe it is death
in general,
no matter how boring
the cause may be,
i am trapped in the
imagining of the how.
they shape the preserved
muscle into
working poses.
one man kicks a
soccer ball,
a woman dances,
skin removed and
sinewy, wearing a pink
ballet slipper
on her standing foot.
i walk by these.
i prefer the cross sections.
there is too much preserving and
tampering in the others,
even though the displayed
lungs and intestine
are true enough.
i search for skin.
the humanity
i know
and understand.
my eyes look at
the tops of scalps
for intact hair stubble.
i look closely for the pores
in the skin
on the nose.
i look for
eyelashes,
and fingernails.
i am haunted by these
things.
i take them in,
wanting to be changed.