verona

Ok world, you win. I'll admit it...

I'M LONELY. I'M FUCKING LONELY.

I hate coming home alone every night, I hate sleeping alone. (granted I live with my mom so I am limited... but its the principle). I'm tired of being everyones "best friend/little sister/bro/dude"... I love my friends, even those in couples that make me insanely jealous, or the boys I secretly love and am in love with, and only think of me as one of the guys. I should be thankful I have such wonderful people around me...

But, I feel like the 3rd wheel to the world. I feel like I'm destined to masterbate to internet porn alone forever. I am so tired of coming home to my computer, and my 3 cats.... god bless them.

My last series of "relationships" (if you can all them that) have been wildly unsuccessful, and although I am still attracted to a few of them, I have been assured that there will be no spark to rekindle. I'm not sure if I am just looking too hard, wanting it too much, pushing too hard... or if I am just simply un-dateable...

BUT




I miss being someones someone. I miss cuddling, and kissing, and hand holding. I miss talking about the future, I miss late night you hang up first phone calls. I miss inside jokes, myspace photos, and long emails. I have dated enough people to know what I'm looking for, and even though I keep finding it in people... they dont find anything in me...


I want to get mad and give up. I want to say well fuck it all, I'm a lesbian. I want to not care, not be affected... but after years of playing up the tough girl, unattached, single and loving it card... I'm finally ready to be truly honest:

CAT CAMERON IS LONELY.


...like it matters. no one reads this thing anyway.