veritas24

I did that on the last night of university. It can be done! Good luck!

I was driving with a a friend who was quite seriously expressing his distress over not understanding the point of living. Almost to the point of tears. It was all very much like a certain song by New Order. Anyways, I said, did you need a point to be born? When you were two or three or four did you need a reason? Reason is not necessary for life. It's a tool for life. Life trumps and is greater than reason. We can specualte about some overarching meaning about life but in the end, it is my sincerest doubt that we can know with certainty about that meaning. And so stripped of the the illusory bonds and strengths of faith, death, like life, must be an unknown.

Reason may be a tool, but as it would seem to be incapable of providing answers for life itself, how can we call upon it to give us answers regarding the extinction of life? You might as well attempt to catch fish by striking them with a hammer. I have a saying that "where courage is lacking ignorance will suffice." It would seem that courage, or even spite, would be just as good a posture to face death and the diminishing of our faculties as cultivated ignorance or detachment.

And as you so sharply noted, it isn't necessarily fear of the unknown but attachment to life that causes anxiety in most people. That is related to but not the same as fear of death or the unknown. For myself, I only hope that the "little death" is a fair approximation of the reality.

As for morality, it is such a pain in the ass to explain oneself isn't it? And why should we have to? Don't we understand those unlike ourselves. It would be nice if they acepted such a burden. But until that time, I hope you have a mask you can breathe through.

Well, I wouldn't say kids are the only genuine ones. It is possible for adults to cultivate an innocence of a sort. But as for the weird litle vision of my innards... you asked if it was draining. What an odd question, but only because most people don't ask appropriate questions about things like that. And if there had been anger in me about something, I think that I would have been exhausted and probably immiediately. But there was no anger. The whole momentary experience was easy and and calm, but it was powerful as well. In fact I simply felt active and all the clutter that barrages my mind with questions and distractions went away. I was free to think without worrying about this or that needing to be attended to. Even during it as I thought of things that usually send me into a rage, I just felt them completely diminished in this moment and they remained so after the immediate experience.

What is it's status in reality? Depending on who you talk to it was imagination, my subconcious giving me a break from my concious mind, my essential self opening up for a moment, or a complete delusion.

The only partcularly lasting thing from it is that I seem to be more alert overall. Not in an extreme way, I'm not hearing the flowers singing or anything (although that would be nice).

Best of luck with your papers and such. I kind of miss that exhaustion that comes from sitting and typing against the clock and without sleep. There was always a determined pride that kept me going.

Hey thanks for the comment, I hope you didn't take offense to my remark, I wasn't trying to insult you or anything. I'm glad you told me what you did, it sounds like we're in similar situations, and it makes it a little easier knowing I'm not the only one who is going through these strange and new feelings. I hope you are happy (happier) now and that things only get better with your new fella. Life is strange especially when the things you think you know for sure turn out to be false. Thanks for the lift in spirit. You sound like a really cool girl and your old flame is regretting things I'm sure. Again, no offense intended, I wasn't by your journal, I just read it and couldn't help myself. We Sags all gotta stick together anyway. Have a great weekend!

Don't say a word to your boy about it until you're really sure that you actually hate your boyfriend and then break up with him, mention a few minor things that you don't like about him, and be real hateful on the phone when you talk to him. It's what my fiancee did to me and she's only two years older than you.

Or...

Don't say a word to your boy about it until you're really sure that you actually deep down know that you just don't love him anymore but it's nothing he did and there's nothing really he could have done different, that it's just time that brought you to where you were.

pang it up

Hmm, beast, god or philosopher? I must be a beastly philosopher, because I live alone and I don't believe in god.

Instead of praising love, I'll praise you: from your one photo, I'd say you are very beautiful. And it sounds like you are in love with the idea of love, but not in love, IMHO.

Maybe it's time for this rose to blossom? More pictures, please!

happy valentines day!

In reference to your last journal: You don't have to love to care but you do have to care in order to care.

You're lovely!

I don't really know if we are actually capable of being completely rational beings. Perhaps this dependence on eachother is a mechanism that was needed promulgate the species.

I've been mulling this over alot, and it seems to me having a relatively happy home, with both partners happy, gave our ancestors the best chance at survival.

I saw on TV, that when a woman has an orgasm during sex, the contractions actually help sperm on its way to meet the egg. Sure, our caveman ancestor could have simply forved sex on the female, except his chance of reproduction are lower if she doesn't enjoy the sex. As well, as they say "if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy"..

I think this inter-dependance feeling's we get were adaptions we made some where along the line because it was necessary for the first family units to survive.

IMO, they is a big difference between caring for someone, loving them, or being in love with them.
I have a couple of friends that I would say I deeply care about, and even love. But only in love with my wife, and to me, remaining in this relationship was also a rational decision. I just knew there was no way I was gonna find a better girl!

Take care Veritas.....(like your new profile pic, BTW)

/manual

BTW, veritas...

you check out my song yet...
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/manualsings.htm

Please... validate me!

/m

Yeah, I guess you make some sense, or at least it's understandable.

Emotional dependency, or maybe emotional co-dependency prolly needs to exist. IMO, I think I need a little bit of that dependency, even if it's for selfish ends.

I'm a pretty shy person, don't like to raise my voice in public, or ever show anger. However, with my wife, these are things, although not too common, are sides of me that she sees. In the reverse, she has acted in front of me in ways that she would never do with others.

Maybe I need someone to show myself honestly too, 'be myself' warts n all. And maybe she needs to know that she is the only one I feel comfortable really being myself too. And visa-versa....

I don't really wanna be strong all the time, and love having the company I am free to be weak with. Can't get it unless I give it....

Independence, however, is really important too. I never bought that 2 joining into 1 relationship ideal. I like more of a 'Bonnie and Clyde' partners in crime sorta way.

Good luck, and hope to hear from you soon,,,,,
(ya heartbreaker! lol)

/m

I guess I've done something similar: broke up with a lover, despite how much I loved her, because I could see that she wanted to get married to me and I knew that I'd never want to marry her. She was a great lover, but we'd never have made it as a married couple.

Glad you made it through the nightmares, fever, and the attempted robbing of ma's bank account. That's some crazy ass shit!

Yeah, love can make you puke. And it is near-impossible to convince someone 100% that you love them if they won't accept any of the evidence. Yeah, it's a disease, but a good disease.

Speaking of 'make you puke', disease-ridden love, check out this song I made for my sweetheart (it's called "Those Eyes' and I made it about a year ago, it's just a snippet of the whole song and I wanna re-record it). You asked to hear some songs, so no making fun of my lousy singing.....(please!)

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/4/manualsings.htm

Wishing you the best new year......

/m

That sounds like a New Years to be proud of, not humiliated by!

As for love, if the timing is right (if only for a little while), it isn't quite so bad.. But even the pain is worth experiencing -- mind you I don't know that the pain actually ever helped a relaionship, but it's good to test your limits.

Anyway, Nietzsche and Plato/Socrates, right? Let's play.

I don't see them as irrelevant to each other, but certainly opposed to each other. Like you said, N. referred to x-ianity as platonism for the masses. In short, there is this 3rd realm where the standards of truth reside. X-ianity implies the same thing but calls that realm God and Heaven.

And did N, disrespect Plato/Socrates (or anyone in a personal way -- other than Wagner)? In Ecce Homo he quite clearly says otherwise. Rather he plainly states that it's the ideas these people and beings represent/express that he hates. N was too chaste (yes, chaste) and too calculating to confuse the idea and the person. So, I agree there as well.

The relationship is important and fascinating. I didn't even think of Plato's cave and Zarathustra's cave being the same thing -- that gives me a great deal to think about. Got anymore insights like that? But the relationship seems to be one of opposition more than affinities.

I suppose what confuses me is how it is that you LIKE both of them, being as opposed as the are? (I just deleted a much too long commentary on why I prefer N. to Plato)

And, since you brought it up, I wonder where N. says he is in favor of breeding in much the same way that Plato talked of it. Sure he mentions breeding often, but not in the way that Plato talked of it. Indeed, it seems to me that he called for bold experimentation and risk-taking not rigidly controlled and goal-oriented breeding in order to have a grreater society...

Gambling is great... if you have the cash. sigh, I rarely do.

As for you ex, gambling with your heart doesn't cost a dime, in fact as a female you could probably score a free meal out of it if you wanted.

Nietzsche AND Plato? I'm more than curious as to how you accomodate both of them into the same realm.

RE: "the house always wins."

Aaaaah! An instance of universally true synecdoche!


RE: your ex's smell

It's funny, but scent can really be a powerful motivator. I had an ex who'd invite me to sleep over every week or two despite the fact that I was an ex and that almost everything about me had come to set her teeth on edge. We eventually discovered that she'd feel this impulse to invite me over whenever my scent had entirely faded from her bedroom. She'd change her bedding, have an unsettled night or two, and then have this desire to have me sleep over.

hey verita.....

boxing and kickboxing are alot of fun, and probably one of the best workouts you can get... that, and you can kick ass!

thanks for the comments...yeah, I do have some completion of tracks I've worked on/working on... as soon as I can get them upped to a server, I'll send you a link (if you wanna hear)...

have a happy new year...

No way! You should try to get totally fat...fat tub of goo fat. Then you could cross the border into the U.S. without a passport whenever you wanted, as the border guards would just assume, what with your elephantine size, that you're a U.S. citizen.




Actually, I was thinking of starting to exercise a bit myself, too.


Cordially yours,

fatdavid8,
random poster