I’m a fairly insecure person. I’m not necessarily happy with my body. I rarely allow myself to be photographed with a real smile.
First off, I don’t genuinely smile too often, at least not on camera where I have to see it. I don’t like my smile. I spent many of my younger years dealing with the fact that I had fucked up teeth. My canines, fangs or whatever you call them were high up in my gums until I finally got braces which wasn’t until like almost 15. I came from a poor family so the idea I ever got braces at all was probably a miracle. In that process I had to have a separator installed in the roof of my mouth that I had to crank twice a day to separate my jaw in hopes of making room for them to drop. Nope, had to have two teeth pulled to make room and not even the fucked up ones.
Well being poor, the monthly appointment costs were an issue and my dad who was supposed to be funding this stuff took off. Shamefully I have to say that I had those braces until I was 21 with years of no adjustment. They only came off when I grabbed a pair of needle nose pliers and removed them myself. Then let’s add having had a tongue ring for another number of years that was stretched up to a 4ga barbell... you know what they don’t tell you... that the ball under your tongue rests on part of your gums and will wear that down. Outside of the teeth issues I have a huge issue with my smile because I just don’t like the shape of mine. I don’t know if it’s me forcing it, or just genetically it wasn’t in the cards for me. I also have fairly thin lips which doesn’t bother me, but I don’t think it helps. And despite how hard I try to take pics that give me a leaner looking jawline, my face is still chubby. When I smile, it accentuates chubby cheeks and I don’t like it. These reasons are why you all ever see pretty serious looks on my face, because I’m shooting for what I think is my best angle.
Someone also asked why in a picture I look like I’m trying so hard to have muscles and if that’s the most important part. The short answer is no it not. The long answer is yes because I am a larger guys. I’ve always been built big and I’m never gonna be some lean in shape type. So for me the idea of looking strong helps offset the larger, but average height, frame that I carry. Yes I try and suck it in and look skinnier when I can. I want my chest and shoulders to look thicker than my waist. I’ve always felt like just the husky or fat kid, overlooked more than I feel was fair in life. With the right light and right time of day, I feel better about myself more than other times. I appreciate the confidence posting on SG rewards me with, but it’s not always easy to keep a positive self image. Well that’s that and I hope more are willing call me out if need be. And if you read all this and are gonna like, maybe follow me... please?
