So since I committed to travelling the beginning of next year, for an unknown length of time(basically whenever I ran out of cash ect) I've understandably bounced through so many emotions and thoughts.
Just the usual suspects of fear of the unknown and worries of what bad could happen to me while in a foreign land. Which has lead me to momentary moments of doubt, not in the actual experience but doubting whether I really am ready to take such a huge step.
It was only a few years back I had a complete and utter emotional melt down and a tiny part of me worries that I may not be able to hold it together if something really bad happens and I'll be alone. although Loneliness has never really bothered me, as I've always been more then happy in my own company for long periods at a time(only child) the fact of not having the closest people to me that have managed to just about hold together the torn pieces of myself does worry my a bit.
All being said I am far more focused on the fact I have managed to come back from the edge, and although I had kindness and support from the few that matter to me, ultimately I sorted my own shit out. Which is of course the only way you can actually get your mind back from the brink of complete destruction! So that feels me with hope and courage, that no matter what will be thrown at me I will not let it weigh me down, but instead continue to look for the lessons to be learnt and experience to be gained.
How has it started effecting me at home?
Well first of all its detached me a little from things around me, and it's made me a touch irritable, because I'm not a person that likes to do anything in half measures, I defiantly give all or nothing. Mixed with a short attention span it does mean I've gained a variety of experiences, hobbies and life style choices. which actually explains my SG name as its a mixture of Variety and Pokemon, as I was re watching the series at the time! ^.~
So when I've set my mind to something I want to do it right that second or I get shitty and my mind wont focus on anything else, and a short attention span means if I don't get it straight away I often completely lose interest. So I'm having to remind myself of what I've read, that the journey first starts at home. So I must try and be patient! It also helps when issues and dramas arise cause I just ended up reminding myself its untimely bullshit and wont matter one bit in months to come.
Money!!
The saving side is actually something I've been finding relatively easy, because I've never really had much money and now I'm earning a decent amount again I'm keeping my mind frame in the thoughts of being broke. Transferring money straight into an isa the moment I get paid, limiting myself to only really buy what I need and because I'm a bit of a loner, I don't go out and spend money that often. So although I have had a few set backs with birthdays, the odd day out and a festival, I'm still very much on track. Now the downside of having money sat in a savings account, smiling and waving at you every time you see it, Is I do find myself getting loured into wanting to buy things I've always thought of having but never had the money to get it. Just have to keep reminding myself 'The best things in life, aren't things!
All in all.
So all in all I've found the initial steps more positive then anything else. When I'm doing research or my mind wonders to what things I may possibly see and experience, I feel like I'm going to explode with excitement! Worries and fears are unfortunately a natural by product of the unknown, but right now they're not holding up a large portion or rent! I recomend that anyone who has thought about doing the same as me, I say go for it! After all, 'you cannot always wait for the perfect time, something you must dare to jump!' ^.^
