Firstly my opinions that I want to share are no way thought of as right over wrong, and that I look down on anyone in anyway that is different from me, this is purely me sharing who I am and how I think for those who have been brilliant enough to follow me and show me support. And that this is not meant to be a justification but purely an explanation.
So why is it I don't post regular photos celebrating my body? quite simply I don't feel the need too, and let me explain why. I have followed Suicide girls in awe for well over ten years now, completely captivated by the incredible beauty and strength in the SG girls. Wanting very much to be 'like them', part of their world and life style, and with time and growth I have come to accept that I'm essentially not like them. Which of course is ironic as I am one, even though I don't actually feel like it. As I don't feel like I embody truly what SG is about?!
I very rarely wear make up when I'm at home, it's very much used as my battle paint that I apply when I'm going out and want to look the best I can in order to feel more confident, as I suffer with what can be at times crippling social anxiety. And when I mean 'out' I mean the short time I'm outdoors before I reach my destination of a friends house or work. I hate going to pubs/clubs ect and I don't really have much else to do in my area due to not driving. Southampton purely offers restaurants, fast food, gambling, drinking and shopping. None of which really appeal to me, if I want to drink I like to do it in the comfort of my own home/friends or a private garden so I can just be me with my friends and not worry about any dramas or such. I'm also extremely selective with who I spend my time with so I don't have reams of friends, just those who I can count on one hand and truly trust. I shop online or go to my local 1 small street of shops filled with charity shops rather then line the pockets of fat cat business types, with the exception of Primark, because I do love a bargain! ^.~
Of course I'm slightly going off on a rant so I'll pull it back in, so when I look at IG or peruse through the land of SG I'm always captivated by the beauty and lets face it natural beauty is seldom left unenhanced by make up these days and where I don't wear it often or when I do I'm busy doing something and don't have the time or necessary the forethought to snap a selfie when I feel at my best. And as mentioned with the clothes, I literally couldn't care less about fashion, I wear clothes that I feel comfortable in and that's it. So I wont have the times of wanting to show of my new threads because they're pretty much bland and boring. I have like a million plain black leggings and plain black strappy tops I live in. I don't invest in beautiful underwear because I don't ever wear it, so it's simply a waste of my money, and I wear practical not pretty shoes.
As well as just chilling in the buff when I'm at home, which I don't like to take selfie's of because I would much rather have @gemmaedwardsuk work her magic and make me look the best I possibly can, which she always does! =))
And without Gemma I never would be an SG because she was the one to give me the opportunity to get into it. Which has helped me so much! as although I liked my body I never liked it enough to really celebrate it, and when I nail bitingly submitted my first set I was completely overwhelmed by all the beautiful kind words that you guys said to me. Which helped me become much more accepting of who I am.
I've had no desire to be part of the modelling industry so that's why I have done such infrequent sets, because I do so when I can/want to or can afford it.
You may think I've come off as ungrateful and I cringe to think if you got the impression of me thinking I'm 'above all this' because that's the complete opposite of what I've been trying to explain. I simply view myself as an awkward imposter who is captivated by the lifestyle but ill fitting to it. So that's why I don't post that often, not because I am ungrateful or anything but because I think I'm quite boring and bland, but I'm very happy with who I am.
Thanks for reading all this, I hope you feel you understand me a little better now?!
Much loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! ^.~
