Hello lovelies, I was going to say I hope you're all gravy but then you would get eaten! So I hope you're semi healthy gravy cause that way nether a healthy nor an unhealthy person would want to eat you, and then I get to keep you!!! ^.~
Sorry I haven't done an update in a while, when you're an unemployed, anti social, lazybones there aint much to tell! I've spent most of my time watching a seriously unhealthy amount of tv programs, I swear I should get the saying 'just one more episode' etched into my head stone! Nip/tuck was my obsession mostly but then It got near the end of the last season and I stopped watching it, which i do a lot! Deep abandonment issues coming out there i think! I do it with games too! I still haven't even finished breaking bad >~< so i've been getting my teeth back into Spartacus and Heroes. Oh and i've also re downloaded all the sims which is just a really bad move on my part because I will always favour playing that then doing the things I actually need to do!
Still carrying on with my new years plans, I'm doing really well i think! majorly cut back smoking, went from around 20-30 a day to under 10, tried going cold turkey but my frazzled nerves can't quite deal with that at the moment. As i've been having quite a few panic attacks a day, one so serious that I went into the wierdest state. I first of all felt like my mind was about to literally going to snap, I wanted to scream and shout and couldn't sit still, my already tachycardic heart felt like it was going to explode! And then I felt like I was on an upper for about 3 hours! I can't explain it, it was the oddest experience, one of which I wish never to be repeated! But I pushed through that bad boy and just wrote it off as an experience. So as you can imagine i'm trying very hard to keep myself calm, avoiding too taxing situations but pushing myself enough to gain confidence in the knowledge that no matter what is presented to me, I will be alright! I have been exercising but not as much as I would like so i'm not very happy with the progress. Which means i'm finding it very hard to take photos atm because quite frankly i'm not happy with the way I look. I've got more meat on my bones then i'm use to, along with a higher muscles density due to my physical job last year. I feel naked because I don't have even a scratch on the amount of tattoos I have planned and I can't decide what the hell to do with my hair! I really want dreads but it's not something I can instantly achieve and I already have enough things working against me for getting a job.
Oh which reminds me, I had an interview yesterday! I think/hope it went really well! instead of the horrible scripted questions you usually get berated with, we had a really nice relaxed chat, which has made me actually want the job rather than just needing it for the money. They seem like fun relaxed people, not about hard sells but focused on looking after customers and having fun with it. They say tattoos ect aren't a problem but that's what the last job I went for said which i was more then qualified for yet didn't get, and I can only put it down to that factor as all the staff in the shop were 'normal' looking people. I know people say well having visible tattoos make it hard to get a j0b, but for me if a company doesn't want me because of my ink then they are sorely missing out! I'm not going to pretend to be someone i'm not to get a job I will hate, so i can get money i don't need but just want! nah fuck. that. shit! I will pick being me and being poor over being a sheep and wanting to kill myself every morning as I hull my ass out of bed to go to a place I despise! So fingers crossed this one works out for the best! It's a little further away than I normally go for which means i'll also have to finally get round to getting a car! which is a good thing because i've never been able to warrant the expense before.
Now i'm going to go and try to be productive with my day, which will annoy my cat Kiara whos just laid on my lap, it's a good job i was wrapping this up anyways because she has a horrible habit of rubbing her face on my hands as i type >.<
toodle pip!! =}}
