Today was not so easy.
One minute my Mom is upstairs happily putting up Christmas decorations... The next thing I know she's sitting bawling in so much pain she could barely squeeze out two words.
We knew something was coming... just didn't know it would hurt her so much.
Two weeks ago she seemed fine, had a bit of trouble sleeping cause she was uncomfortable laying on her stomache.
One week ago she was in an ultrasound with a specialist because her tummy was growing so large. They discovered a 30 cm by 30 cm ... "mass" inside her abdomen. Most likely attached to one of her ovaries... possibly cancer. It was still growing, rapidly.
She woke up today feeling a numbness in her legs. Called the doc to see about speeding up the process of determining what this thing is. A few hours later she was in so much pain that she was scared she would die right there.
I called an ambulance. We sat in emergency for a while. It was a really good thing they had done that ultrasound already. The emergency doctors ordered copies of the results, saw what was going on and how fast it was progressing and after only waiting say two hours they gave her some morphene... not sure if I spelled that right. It could have taken twice as long if they didn't know what it was.
After four hours in the emergency room, mostly just sitting there trying to keep our minds off the pain and answering questions when nurses came to ask them, the nicest of doctors came to tell us what they were going to do. She just came down from a surgery she was in, and the emergency staff told her everything they had asked us about prior.
Like I said, she was the nicest doctor, she layed out a really good description of what the surgery was going to be like so my Mom would understand. Told her what the best case senario was, what the worst case could mean, and even what would happen if something went wrong. She only made one mistake. She told us all that before she mentioned that they were going to send Mom home, and the surgery would likely be in two or three weeks.
I'll never forget the look on my Mom's face. She's a strong woman. Lived most of her life on one farm or another. Spent most of my life raising other people's children. She would rather suffer through pain than bother another living soul by asking for help. I could see in her eyes, right then, morphene or no, she wasn't going to last that long.
Took them a couple more hours to figure out what they were going to do. Now she's laying in a hospital bed. Hooked up to a machine that will give her more drugs when she pushes a button. Alone. Doctors have to find a time when they can get her to a table, and get that thing out of her. Even then, once it's out, they have to determine if it's cancer or not. If it is.... well, then there's a whole nother series of things Mom will have to go through to figure out how bad it is, and where all it's spread to.
My father, and sister were both there to help her through this as well. They showed up half an hour after we did in the ambulance. We all had on a brave face to help her through it. I don't have the right to worry about myself when she's scared for her life like that. I wish I could be there with her now, just to watch her sleep and make sure she was ok.
Either way I'm not getting much sleep myself tonight.
I know nobody hears me when I talk here. That might be part of the reason I keep this space open. I'm sure I need someone to talk to right now... even if I didn't say anything. There are a lot of ifs going on in my head right now. None of them good.
...
One minute my Mom is upstairs happily putting up Christmas decorations... The next thing I know she's sitting bawling in so much pain she could barely squeeze out two words.
We knew something was coming... just didn't know it would hurt her so much.
Two weeks ago she seemed fine, had a bit of trouble sleeping cause she was uncomfortable laying on her stomache.
One week ago she was in an ultrasound with a specialist because her tummy was growing so large. They discovered a 30 cm by 30 cm ... "mass" inside her abdomen. Most likely attached to one of her ovaries... possibly cancer. It was still growing, rapidly.
She woke up today feeling a numbness in her legs. Called the doc to see about speeding up the process of determining what this thing is. A few hours later she was in so much pain that she was scared she would die right there.
I called an ambulance. We sat in emergency for a while. It was a really good thing they had done that ultrasound already. The emergency doctors ordered copies of the results, saw what was going on and how fast it was progressing and after only waiting say two hours they gave her some morphene... not sure if I spelled that right. It could have taken twice as long if they didn't know what it was.
After four hours in the emergency room, mostly just sitting there trying to keep our minds off the pain and answering questions when nurses came to ask them, the nicest of doctors came to tell us what they were going to do. She just came down from a surgery she was in, and the emergency staff told her everything they had asked us about prior.
Like I said, she was the nicest doctor, she layed out a really good description of what the surgery was going to be like so my Mom would understand. Told her what the best case senario was, what the worst case could mean, and even what would happen if something went wrong. She only made one mistake. She told us all that before she mentioned that they were going to send Mom home, and the surgery would likely be in two or three weeks.
I'll never forget the look on my Mom's face. She's a strong woman. Lived most of her life on one farm or another. Spent most of my life raising other people's children. She would rather suffer through pain than bother another living soul by asking for help. I could see in her eyes, right then, morphene or no, she wasn't going to last that long.
Took them a couple more hours to figure out what they were going to do. Now she's laying in a hospital bed. Hooked up to a machine that will give her more drugs when she pushes a button. Alone. Doctors have to find a time when they can get her to a table, and get that thing out of her. Even then, once it's out, they have to determine if it's cancer or not. If it is.... well, then there's a whole nother series of things Mom will have to go through to figure out how bad it is, and where all it's spread to.
My father, and sister were both there to help her through this as well. They showed up half an hour after we did in the ambulance. We all had on a brave face to help her through it. I don't have the right to worry about myself when she's scared for her life like that. I wish I could be there with her now, just to watch her sleep and make sure she was ok.
Either way I'm not getting much sleep myself tonight.
I know nobody hears me when I talk here. That might be part of the reason I keep this space open. I'm sure I need someone to talk to right now... even if I didn't say anything. There are a lot of ifs going on in my head right now. None of them good.
...
take care! *hug*
i hope things get better for everyone soon.
my best wishes to your mom for a fast recovery.
*hugs*