unnethe

Bill Bailey, 'Love Song'.

I was alone my heart was cold it was a stone
my soul was lonely like a stone - there was no moss.
And when I danced I danced alone but then I did not dance
because I was alone. So I did not dance.
I shuffled through life invisible to all the happy couples who would mock
me with their merry laughter ha-ha-ha.

The only sound I heard in my lonely silent world was the rusty hammer of my
heart nailing at the hatred in my soul.

But then you came,
and my life was turned upside down.
You showed me the beauty of the things that I had never seen.
Like a snowflake that melts on the eyelash of a startled deer.
Or the painting of a dog that wears a deerstalker and
smokes a pipe that made you laugh so heartily,
but I had previously thought was rubbish.
Or the duck that lands so clumsily on a frozen pond in winter
but the intoxicating power of our love transforms this simple act into an
anthropomorphic drama where Mr. Ducks embarrassed and the other ducks are
laughing (quack quack quack quack quack).

AND THEN YOU LEFT!

And I have died a thousand deaths and I will die a thousand more!
I thought you were an angel - you turned out to be a whore!
And everything has turned to dust! Everything is infected with the plague!
Why did you have to sleep with Craig?
"Oh he's so sensitive, he's got a tattoo."
Yeah, carving your name with a compass in my forehead was not enough for you!

The snow flake on the eye of the dear has turned to
pus that oozes from an open wound.
The deer now blind, it stumbles into a ravine.
The duck lies shredded in a pancake,
soaking in the hoisin of your lies.
The dog has moved from the pipe to 60 cigarettes a day,
and coughs away his life in the cold neon research lab of your betrayal.
Of your betrayal!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Note I have highlighted the greatest line in a love song, ever.

So it's like this: free from the tyranny of organised academic paragraphing, I am wallowing carefree and whimsical in the tepid waters of incoherent muttering. Hence, the following format.

1) Dissertation abstract done. Cuckoldry being studied.

2) Marks back, first degree completed. A+, A+, A+, A.

3) "Honey, there's something glowing in the corner of the room, kill it!" - best after-sex line I have ever uttered. (The 'white' component of the marbled silicone was actually 'glow in the dark'.)

4) In the mall today I saw a small girl (teeny tiny) in a fluro pink tutu, and I was like, "dude, that would so have been me when I was that age, damn that's one awesome dress." And she had whiskers face-painted on in matching fluro pink glitter paint, and she did a dance while following mother, and she stuck her finger in her nose. Awesome.

5) Leaving the mall made me happy. No more shopping. No. I hate christmas tunes, I hate modern versions of christmas tunes even more, I hate noisy confined spaces and hundreds of teenaged mothers when it's sunny outside.

I won't say I don't like Christmas, because that's too simple a statement for a complicated emotional response, on my part. I don't like what Christmas has become. The road-death-rate goes up, the Women's Refuge is packed because Christmas is a time for abusing your wife and children, and the SPCA is filled with abandoned animals.
Christmas is a time of hurting everything around us, when humans really show just what arseholes we are. We become obsessed with consumerism and nothing else.
And don't give me any 'it's a time of happiness and forgiveness' shit. What are we actually doing that's making a difference? Well? Gave two dollars to charity? Well done. Very well done.

I'm sick of meeting stupid vegans (in person). My cat catches and chews on rats and eels because she's a freaking cat, and enjoys killing things. She has no conscious morality, being that morals are created by humans. So don't try to tell me she must be under-fed (have you SEEN the fatty?) She is a cat. C-A-T. Veganism is a human thing, and I make this choice in a position of relative wealth in a first world country. Every time I am ABLE to make the choice between sprayed and organic, between budget and luxury, I am aware of this.


I'm very happy, apart from the above two observations. I have the perfect weekend planned, which includes black and white rope bondage pictures of myself. Bliss. Summer is stretching out, and I'm in the mood to re-read Black Oxen. I must be joyful then...