My Weekend has a First Name, it's D-R-U-N-K
When it comes to going out at night, people quickly come to realize that I never actually state my intentions to break the retard barrier in record times. I tend to speak in various non-specific code phrases. They're pretty easy, so I'll break them down here into two separate categories: What I said and what I really...
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When it comes to going out at night, people quickly come to realize that I never actually state my intentions to break the retard barrier in record times. I tend to speak in various non-specific code phrases. They're pretty easy, so I'll break them down here into two separate categories: What I said and what I really...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 47 COMMENTS
Hangovers are impervious to karate
After spending some well earned time with my Father of the Year coffee mug, I decided to cash in my good parenting karma points and ditch my brother to dance and get drunk in Philly over the weekend. Some of the nagging feelings that earned me all of those points to begin with were playing loudly on my guilt strings,...
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After spending some well earned time with my Father of the Year coffee mug, I decided to cash in my good parenting karma points and ditch my brother to dance and get drunk in Philly over the weekend. Some of the nagging feelings that earned me all of those points to begin with were playing loudly on my guilt strings,...
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VIEW 25 of 32 COMMENTS
trevallion:
Do you have Bobo does Dallas Volumes II-V? (the first is a classic and I'm assuming every respectable chimp porn fetishist has it. The others were more directed at the underworld of chimpanzee voyeurism) If not, we may be able to make a deal here. They are soon to be released in boxed set laserdisc format and I'm proud to say that I'm first on the waiting list!
waxangel:
You are dangerously close to never having my sweet cock in your crack EVER AGAIN!!!
Fucking show up like you say you will once in a while, bitch. I know it's hard to face your own sad mortality when confronted by an inhuman booty-gancing, dude-licking, whiskey-sweating nightmare such as myself, but I promise you'll come out mostly alive.
Fucking show up like you say you will once in a while, bitch. I know it's hard to face your own sad mortality when confronted by an inhuman booty-gancing, dude-licking, whiskey-sweating nightmare such as myself, but I promise you'll come out mostly alive.
RADNESS VS. YOUR SANITY!
A Paul W.S. Anderson Retrospective
If the world existed in a galaxy weaved from the chocolate covered wishes of fairies, we would all live lives as fulfilling as Paul W.S. Anderson's. But the galaxy is not spun from fairie magic. In fact, the only fairies that even exist in our unfulfilling lives have their own TV show where they yell at...
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A Paul W.S. Anderson Retrospective
If the world existed in a galaxy weaved from the chocolate covered wishes of fairies, we would all live lives as fulfilling as Paul W.S. Anderson's. But the galaxy is not spun from fairie magic. In fact, the only fairies that even exist in our unfulfilling lives have their own TV show where they yell at...
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VIEW 25 of 56 COMMENTS
al:
You can pry that book from my cold, dead, cryptographically 1337 fingers.
pinhead66:
Dude...I just need to come to the East Coast so we can fuck some shit up! That entry was enlightening and filled with all sorts of hilarity.
Whoa! My eyes are bloodshot! Go fuckin' figure!
So my week did indeed end up being more awesome than a de-railed train jumping a pit full of giant flame throwing scorpions. But just like any stunt involving high-speed locomotives and fire, unexpected situations did arise.
- Laser tag night, which I redubbed Laser Mission 2: The Reckoning, starring me and the ghost of Brandon Lee...
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So my week did indeed end up being more awesome than a de-railed train jumping a pit full of giant flame throwing scorpions. But just like any stunt involving high-speed locomotives and fire, unexpected situations did arise.
- Laser tag night, which I redubbed Laser Mission 2: The Reckoning, starring me and the ghost of Brandon Lee...
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VIEW 25 of 63 COMMENTS
kikka:
*bow*
you sound like my mom!
you sound like my mom!
mercie:
Love the new profile picture. 
Hope you have a good weekend!!
Hope you have a good weekend!!
Friday the 13th Part 27: Ninja Takes Manhattan
This week is starting to look so damn sexy that if doesn't cut it out, I'm going to dry hump it while whispering tender words of affection in its ear. Which is probably a good thing since I just looked down at myself and realized that my lack of any desire to go outside the last couple...
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This week is starting to look so damn sexy that if doesn't cut it out, I'm going to dry hump it while whispering tender words of affection in its ear. Which is probably a good thing since I just looked down at myself and realized that my lack of any desire to go outside the last couple...
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VIEW 25 of 45 COMMENTS
broadwaybee:
Well hurry up and FUCKING INVITE HIM!
judypatricia:
I took that picture, drunk-o! See if you can get a hold of it here, it should come up.
How was the wedding? And the bar?
How was the wedding? And the bar?
The Tears of a Clown
(or as language translating website Babelfish calls it in Japanese: Damage of buffoonery teacher!)
Judging from the number of comments bursting from the seams of my last journal entry, it was just as much fun to read as it was to write. Schweet! I'm glad to see that's the case though since complaining is for people who haven't gotten their...
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(or as language translating website Babelfish calls it in Japanese: Damage of buffoonery teacher!)
Judging from the number of comments bursting from the seams of my last journal entry, it was just as much fun to read as it was to write. Schweet! I'm glad to see that's the case though since complaining is for people who haven't gotten their...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
infinitelykaty:
Thanks for making "off the chizzain" part of every sentence I utter for the next five days.
thelibra:
hahaha
unbooya.
ahahaha!
unbooya.
ahahaha!
Boredom Just Kicked Me in the Dick and Left Me for Dead
Every once in a while, I'm overcome with such a complete sense of boredom that it turns me into the most unlikable non-child star that you've ever met.
If I wanted to sound like a new age dip-shit, I'd probably attribute it to the moon, since it seems to happen in cycles. If...
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Every once in a while, I'm overcome with such a complete sense of boredom that it turns me into the most unlikable non-child star that you've ever met.
If I wanted to sound like a new age dip-shit, I'd probably attribute it to the moon, since it seems to happen in cycles. If...
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VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
dunx:
Yeah, for one thing, we're actually gonna win this one. From the Texas point of view I mean.
Good call on the uniforms, and if I might give a small piece of advice: neon lights. Lots of 'em. Like Tron, only MUCH tougher-looking. Oh, and not like that fat guy with the camel-toe who made his own and whose picture you saw all over. the boards.
It'll need an on/off swith, too, since it won't do to be lit up during secret raids and assassinations and shit. How many S's are in that word?
Hope your boredom gets better. go find some little kids to hit in the head with bricks or something. Then run.
Good call on the uniforms, and if I might give a small piece of advice: neon lights. Lots of 'em. Like Tron, only MUCH tougher-looking. Oh, and not like that fat guy with the camel-toe who made his own and whose picture you saw all over. the boards.
It'll need an on/off swith, too, since it won't do to be lit up during secret raids and assassinations and shit. How many S's are in that word?
Hope your boredom gets better. go find some little kids to hit in the head with bricks or something. Then run.
wuvmonki:
Psh, I so understand your boredom. Any post of mine will reflect this.
VIEW 25 of 50 COMMENTS
seth0067:
yeah yeah, i miss you too, fag.
judypatricia:
Did you get my text message, foo'?
Return of the Red Ninja II: Ninja Goes to Camp
Coming back to work sucks. The only way it wouldn't suck is if I actually was the Red Ninja and my next mission was to assassinate the sanctity of your mom's ass. But believe me, what I have to come back to is nowhere near as cool as that. I won't bore you with details,...
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Coming back to work sucks. The only way it wouldn't suck is if I actually was the Red Ninja and my next mission was to assassinate the sanctity of your mom's ass. But believe me, what I have to come back to is nowhere near as cool as that. I won't bore you with details,...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
stacycats:
you say this as if i dont ALWAYS think youre a perv.
clara:
Yeah. 
Don't tell.
Don't tell.
It's Vacation Time, Brotha'
I'm going to be keeping it real over here in Colorado for the next week, so fans of robotic dance, white people pretending to be black, and ninja humor will have to suffer unimaginable withdrawls at least until the 17th. Mainly because there's only filthy dial-up here, and I don't feel like waiting for extended periods of time just to make...
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I'm going to be keeping it real over here in Colorado for the next week, so fans of robotic dance, white people pretending to be black, and ninja humor will have to suffer unimaginable withdrawls at least until the 17th. Mainly because there's only filthy dial-up here, and I don't feel like waiting for extended periods of time just to make...
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VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
honkeykong:
-my journal needs some sweet, sweet love.
judypatricia:
I think we all could use a little UnnecessaryZ™ humor.
people will always yell at you, even if what they're screaming is what you've just told them.
i am not a pee pee pants, homo.