We here at the Research Center for Primitive Social Interactions have been diligent in our quest to uncover the total number of units by which the awesomeness of a party can be gauged. We decided to tag and monitor volunteer UnnecessaryZ and send him into the field. As soon as we began our study, we quickly realized that this "number" could very well be infinite, but that didn't stop us from recording our findings thus far.
- A reliable indication of good times is how completely fucked up* one's clothes turn out to be the next day. Especially if one has to search under the bed and on the fire escape to find all of said clothing.
* The truth may never be revealed due to a crashed hard drive, but from what we've learned from the recovered memory, participant UnnecessaryZ suffered multiple grease stains from a short yet intense sparring match with one MissLucy. He totally took her down.
- Are your walls are covered in blood from a wound you inflicted upon yourself by simply trying to lock the door? The longer it took to notice the blood also effects the end result, especially if someone else had to point it out to you because you failed to see it through your headache.
- Total elapsed time from the point of departure from the party to the point of arrival at the homebase encompases a small reading on the overall numbers. Results from our own subject read as follows:
Departure according to recorded time of drunken booty call to girlfriend: 2:05 am.
Time of arrival at homebase: 4:15 am.
Average time of trip: 45 min.
# of trains boarded traveling in the wrong direction: 1
- The level of guilt felt is directly proportionate to the amount of fun had the previous night. Guilt can be displayed in a multitude of ways in different parts of the world, from the Middle Eastern way of flaying oneself with a whip, to the American way of shooting your secret lover's wife in the face. Our own subject was observed sitting at his computer checking his bank account while slowly shaking his head and heavily sighing, followed by time spent with his face in his own hands. A stern lecture to younger brother about the dangers of fun followed shortly thereafter.
There are other factors yet to be calculated into the experimental equation, such as the effect on behavior by the number of hot chicks met at the party, but we are confident that our final equation will look something like this:
+ 
( 
+ 
)/ 
( 
+ 
) = 
Fucking ice cold, bitches.
- A reliable indication of good times is how completely fucked up* one's clothes turn out to be the next day. Especially if one has to search under the bed and on the fire escape to find all of said clothing.
* The truth may never be revealed due to a crashed hard drive, but from what we've learned from the recovered memory, participant UnnecessaryZ suffered multiple grease stains from a short yet intense sparring match with one MissLucy. He totally took her down.
- Are your walls are covered in blood from a wound you inflicted upon yourself by simply trying to lock the door? The longer it took to notice the blood also effects the end result, especially if someone else had to point it out to you because you failed to see it through your headache.
- Total elapsed time from the point of departure from the party to the point of arrival at the homebase encompases a small reading on the overall numbers. Results from our own subject read as follows:
Departure according to recorded time of drunken booty call to girlfriend: 2:05 am.
Time of arrival at homebase: 4:15 am.
Average time of trip: 45 min.
# of trains boarded traveling in the wrong direction: 1
- The level of guilt felt is directly proportionate to the amount of fun had the previous night. Guilt can be displayed in a multitude of ways in different parts of the world, from the Middle Eastern way of flaying oneself with a whip, to the American way of shooting your secret lover's wife in the face. Our own subject was observed sitting at his computer checking his bank account while slowly shaking his head and heavily sighing, followed by time spent with his face in his own hands. A stern lecture to younger brother about the dangers of fun followed shortly thereafter.
There are other factors yet to be calculated into the experimental equation, such as the effect on behavior by the number of hot chicks met at the party, but we are confident that our final equation will look something like this:
+ ( + )/ ( + ) =
Fucking ice cold, bitches.
VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
waxangel:
The guilt factor may also be determined by how long you sit with your forehead plastered to the bar the next morning just DARING the owner to walk in and give you shit, plus 10% of the number of times you have to jerk off in the bar bathroom just to make yourself feel somewhere near normal.
dharmabox:
after re-calculating all the relevant factors in the equation taking into consideration wind speed and velocity, star cluster alignments and alcohol blood levels i have come up with the following computation: