"i love UnnecessaryZ because he pushed me into trashcans . his dancing skills i miss dearly and his love for the duke is also important. hell, i have a crush on this dude, so does everyone."
- Anonymous SG, anonymously known as Kikka
There really is a reason for my posting the above quote besides the obvious plug for how rad I am. Actually, there's a couple of reasons. The first one is to say "suck it!" to all the people who thought I was talking shit about being a mechanized dance-bot. The other reason is to explain why it made me think.
It's pretty much no secret that I know a lot about the sacred art of being pissed, but what the hell do I know about the opposite sex? I decided to compile all the field data I've aquired during my time in the shit into a list of what I feel has worked for me so far.
- If you're not attractive, use your other positive traits in a confident manner. Like a sense of humor or telepathy.
- If you want to be funny, don't be annoying. This one is hard and I admit I've been known to drive through some pot-holes from time to all the time.
- Being with someone from the opposite sex is not going to be like hanging out alone. If you like video games and Loony Toons, fine, but until you know for a fact that she does too, shut up. If you can't stop thinking about that stuff when you're with someone, maybe you should just stay home, Professor Dork.
- You have a better chance of finding a woman who wants to hear you talk about video games than you do of finding a woman who doesn't like to dance. Learn how because if you don't dance with her, I will.
- Stop whinning that women like assholes and want to be treated like shit as an explanation for your own shortcomings. What most of those "assholes" have that you can't see through your searing jealousy is confidence. Get some.
- Part of being confident is not caring if you're with someone or not. It's not enough to pretend you don't care. You have to actually not care. If you don't get laid once, it's not the end of the world. There's other things about you that make you who you are besides who your penis has been in.
- Get into a fight. Woman may say they don't like that kind of thing, but that's because they haven't see it first hand. That shit is hot. Hell, even I'm a sucker for a boy with a black eye
- Don't get jealous. It's called a self fulfilling prophecy. If you treat her like you don't think she wants to be with you, she eventually won't want to be with you.
- Don't get married. Ever. Seriously, it doesn't do anyone any good. The only differences are the government knows who you're serious about and your parents want to kill you for spending so much money on something as pointless as a wedding. There's also a strong chance that the act of marriage itself damns a relationship 50% more than if you didn't get married and stayed together forever.
- If you're the kind of person who enjoys weddings, I have an old saying for you: "Fuck you!"
- If you don't think things are working out, tell them. You may feel bad about hurting someone's feelings, but you'll feel worse later. And that's not including the cock punch you more than likely deserve.
- You may think the little things women like are dumb, but think about that the next time you feel like you desrve a blowjob since she's on the rag. Dumbass.
Remember, I'm not a certified knower of this stuff. You may be surprised how many women may actually punch you if you ever follow this advice. But I didn't make you any promises, I only said I was making a list of what worked for me, sucker!
- Anonymous SG, anonymously known as Kikka
There really is a reason for my posting the above quote besides the obvious plug for how rad I am. Actually, there's a couple of reasons. The first one is to say "suck it!" to all the people who thought I was talking shit about being a mechanized dance-bot. The other reason is to explain why it made me think.
It's pretty much no secret that I know a lot about the sacred art of being pissed, but what the hell do I know about the opposite sex? I decided to compile all the field data I've aquired during my time in the shit into a list of what I feel has worked for me so far.
- If you're not attractive, use your other positive traits in a confident manner. Like a sense of humor or telepathy.
- If you want to be funny, don't be annoying. This one is hard and I admit I've been known to drive through some pot-holes from time to all the time.
- Being with someone from the opposite sex is not going to be like hanging out alone. If you like video games and Loony Toons, fine, but until you know for a fact that she does too, shut up. If you can't stop thinking about that stuff when you're with someone, maybe you should just stay home, Professor Dork.
- You have a better chance of finding a woman who wants to hear you talk about video games than you do of finding a woman who doesn't like to dance. Learn how because if you don't dance with her, I will.
- Stop whinning that women like assholes and want to be treated like shit as an explanation for your own shortcomings. What most of those "assholes" have that you can't see through your searing jealousy is confidence. Get some.
- Part of being confident is not caring if you're with someone or not. It's not enough to pretend you don't care. You have to actually not care. If you don't get laid once, it's not the end of the world. There's other things about you that make you who you are besides who your penis has been in.
- Get into a fight. Woman may say they don't like that kind of thing, but that's because they haven't see it first hand. That shit is hot. Hell, even I'm a sucker for a boy with a black eye
- Don't get jealous. It's called a self fulfilling prophecy. If you treat her like you don't think she wants to be with you, she eventually won't want to be with you.
- Don't get married. Ever. Seriously, it doesn't do anyone any good. The only differences are the government knows who you're serious about and your parents want to kill you for spending so much money on something as pointless as a wedding. There's also a strong chance that the act of marriage itself damns a relationship 50% more than if you didn't get married and stayed together forever.
- If you're the kind of person who enjoys weddings, I have an old saying for you: "Fuck you!"
- If you don't think things are working out, tell them. You may feel bad about hurting someone's feelings, but you'll feel worse later. And that's not including the cock punch you more than likely deserve.
- You may think the little things women like are dumb, but think about that the next time you feel like you desrve a blowjob since she's on the rag. Dumbass.
Remember, I'm not a certified knower of this stuff. You may be surprised how many women may actually punch you if you ever follow this advice. But I didn't make you any promises, I only said I was making a list of what worked for me, sucker!
VIEW 25 of 57 COMMENTS
am very excited.
finally have my body back
those pics in your pics are not who i am
yuck
thanks for re-friending, we'll see how it goes
off to florida
playing a big gig, very excited
nobody in my family did any april fooling
probably better that way
happy weekend to you