So as most of you may already know, I don't usually like keeping you up to date on anything that's actually happening in my life. I'd rather use the space to trick you into believing that I'm some sort of anti-matter space ninja with uncanny sexual powers. I don't do this because I'm some highly guarded government secret, I do it because other than the fact that I'm a legally black white guy, most of the mundane details of my life are no different than yours. I work, I eat, I sleep, I compete in underground death matches to relieve stress and win fabulous cash prizes.
Anyway, today is no different than any other day in that I refuse to share the details of my boring life with faceless people. Only this time I have no exciting laser filled epics to distract you with. So I'm going to dip my hand into a little bag of tricks I like to call NINJA MAGIC and throw a smoke screen in your face using irrelevant facts and/or irreverant bits of wisdom. Maybe you'll even learn something about me. Enjoy.
- The Chinese don't have a Presidents Day.
- There is enough power in three sticks of dynamite to rival just one fatal attack from my fist.
- If you lose to me in a fight, I take your soul fair and square.
- Because of their biological makeup, I consider whales to be at least half human.
- Karate is easily applicable to one's everyday life outside of deadly fighting. For instance: Doing Karate on the dancefloor will more than likely fool people into thinking you're the greatest dancer alive.
- The instant someone becomes a janitor, they are given the very secrets of time and space with the knowledge of how to control that swivel headed push broom that I just can't seem to keep straight.
- Reading descriptions off the backs of porno movies to a girl over the phone is a guaranteed lay.
- There is always a battle for the fate of the world in progress, but much like a round of double dutch, getting involved is all a matter of timing.
- If your penis increased size every time you masturbated, my penis would currently be under attack by military tanks and choppers in a last ditch effort to save their puny country.
- On New Years Eve, I conviced a young black man that wanted to kill me that he was only perpetuating a stereotype that all young black men were angry, violent time bombs. Thankfully he listened to me because I didn't want to have to dismantle the young brotha'.
- 2 Live Crew remains the best dance music about ass ever conceived.
- I was completely unaware of the camera in every single picture I just posted in my pics section. I was partying THAT hard.
Anyway, today is no different than any other day in that I refuse to share the details of my boring life with faceless people. Only this time I have no exciting laser filled epics to distract you with. So I'm going to dip my hand into a little bag of tricks I like to call NINJA MAGIC and throw a smoke screen in your face using irrelevant facts and/or irreverant bits of wisdom. Maybe you'll even learn something about me. Enjoy.
- The Chinese don't have a Presidents Day.
- There is enough power in three sticks of dynamite to rival just one fatal attack from my fist.
- If you lose to me in a fight, I take your soul fair and square.
- Because of their biological makeup, I consider whales to be at least half human.
- Karate is easily applicable to one's everyday life outside of deadly fighting. For instance: Doing Karate on the dancefloor will more than likely fool people into thinking you're the greatest dancer alive.
- The instant someone becomes a janitor, they are given the very secrets of time and space with the knowledge of how to control that swivel headed push broom that I just can't seem to keep straight.
- Reading descriptions off the backs of porno movies to a girl over the phone is a guaranteed lay.
- There is always a battle for the fate of the world in progress, but much like a round of double dutch, getting involved is all a matter of timing.
- If your penis increased size every time you masturbated, my penis would currently be under attack by military tanks and choppers in a last ditch effort to save their puny country.
- On New Years Eve, I conviced a young black man that wanted to kill me that he was only perpetuating a stereotype that all young black men were angry, violent time bombs. Thankfully he listened to me because I didn't want to have to dismantle the young brotha'.
- 2 Live Crew remains the best dance music about ass ever conceived.
- I was completely unaware of the camera in every single picture I just posted in my pics section. I was partying THAT hard.
VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
Have you ever seen the book abou how to be an Urban Ninja? You should check it out, it's dope.
All black people are time bombs. That's because a mad scientist in Africa made a bunch of robots with self-destruct sequences pre-programmed and called them Africans. He was a European dude who was mad at the Pope because he wouldn't let him into the boy orgies at the Vatican. So he took his flying ship to Africa and mad a bunch of black robots for the Europeans to enslave and ship around the world. Now they just blow up everywhere. Fucker.
Mad scientists are a plague.
Best dance music ever is that group Eifle 65 with their hit single 'Blue'.
I'll obtain communication info from the errrrrrr when I arrive in yo fine town.