unnecessaryz

I'm a sorry to inform a no doubt horrified nation of assassin fans that Stephen Nitro passed away last night during a routine examination. Born of Project: Elite Commando, Stephen was built for one thing: killin' bad guys. He performed his duties according to the innate HK bio weapon kill-ware installed in his frontal lobe, which I guess is just my crazy scientist way of saying Stephen was one heck of a guy who did his job exactly how he was programmed to. The process of his untimely passing began when the large quantities of scotch consumed by the subject conflicted with the kill-ware programming designed for a non-alcoholic frame. The nature of his urge to poison his indestructable frame is unknown at this time, but many theories have already began circulating that it has something to do with the removal of his reproductive organs. It is unfortunate that none of his former targets were able to isolate and exploit this weekness before their own lives were forfeit, but it just goes to show you that the only thing that can truly kill an HK1-7600 Elite Commando, is the HK1-7600 Elite Commando himself. I will mourn the passing of a good friend, but more importantly, a brutally efficiant killing machine that showed unwavering loyalty to his masters in white collars.

PS - If you go back and read this in the context of a marriage metaphor, it becomes a whole different kind of funny.