YOU'LL BE ON A FUTURISTIC ROCKET RIDE TO REJECTION WITH ONLINE DATING!
I figured that in the spirit of post-marital bliss, I needed to try and get laid by a total stranger to feel better about myself. What I soon discovered was that getting yelled at by total strangers was even more satisfying. In celebration of my recent divorce, my boss coerced me into creating an online dating profile through one of NYC's most pretentious entertainment sources, Time Out NY. To give you an idea just how much these dick-licks enjoy sucking the cock of a city that no longer even has one, they ran an article not too long ago called "Why America is fat...and NY isn't!" Like we needed another reason to make the rest of America's out of shape asses want to punch us in our rock hard abs. Anyway, I proceeded with my profile creation while keeping in mind that I once heard girls dig funny guys. Any of the three people that read my last entry will know that I soon found out how untrue that actually is. So I decided to supplement my one mostly true profile with two other totally fake ones based on the ideas that women also love mysterious and dangerous men.
FIRST UP: ME! Check it out here at:
http://personals.timeoutny.com/
I can't give a direct link to the profile, so go to this page and run a profile search for robojoy.
Nobody openly responded to my hilarity, so I started throwing out the bait. A couple of girls responded at first, but I soon inexplicably drove them away. I hate to be so inconclusive, but I honestly can't figure out what I did since I'm so rad.
NEXT UP: THE NINJA! This time, run a search for Kah_soogi. In the spirit of pure research, I decided to expand my testing radius by making him bi-sexual.
Ladies freaking loved the black ninja! Not only did they respond well to him, but people actually wrote him first. But once again, they kind of freaked and ran once they found out who was actually under the mask. Sadly, the gay crowd didn't seem up for this at all. I even received one angry letter from an anonymous man. I'm not sure if he was gay or not, but his letter certainly was. I don't know what they teach men in the gay army, but one of the first lessons should be 'don't mess with a horny ninja on the prowl.'
LASTLY: Lord_manimal. To find this savage lover, run a search for the above mentioned name. This guy might as well have been a ninja, because no one seemed to noticed him. Perhaps I was a little too over the top, but maybe people actually died from the comedy overload, or at least lost control of the hand that they use to send millionaire wolfmen love letters.
The only thing I learned in the end is that women are only slightly more inclined to talk to me than to a monster covered in blood, but not nearly as much as they want to hook up with a bi-curious assassin. Most of these people only used their space to talk about how smart they were since they enjoy things created by smart people, so I guess I don't give a sweet damn either way.
I figured that in the spirit of post-marital bliss, I needed to try and get laid by a total stranger to feel better about myself. What I soon discovered was that getting yelled at by total strangers was even more satisfying. In celebration of my recent divorce, my boss coerced me into creating an online dating profile through one of NYC's most pretentious entertainment sources, Time Out NY. To give you an idea just how much these dick-licks enjoy sucking the cock of a city that no longer even has one, they ran an article not too long ago called "Why America is fat...and NY isn't!" Like we needed another reason to make the rest of America's out of shape asses want to punch us in our rock hard abs. Anyway, I proceeded with my profile creation while keeping in mind that I once heard girls dig funny guys. Any of the three people that read my last entry will know that I soon found out how untrue that actually is. So I decided to supplement my one mostly true profile with two other totally fake ones based on the ideas that women also love mysterious and dangerous men.
FIRST UP: ME! Check it out here at:
http://personals.timeoutny.com/
I can't give a direct link to the profile, so go to this page and run a profile search for robojoy.
Nobody openly responded to my hilarity, so I started throwing out the bait. A couple of girls responded at first, but I soon inexplicably drove them away. I hate to be so inconclusive, but I honestly can't figure out what I did since I'm so rad.
NEXT UP: THE NINJA! This time, run a search for Kah_soogi. In the spirit of pure research, I decided to expand my testing radius by making him bi-sexual.
Ladies freaking loved the black ninja! Not only did they respond well to him, but people actually wrote him first. But once again, they kind of freaked and ran once they found out who was actually under the mask. Sadly, the gay crowd didn't seem up for this at all. I even received one angry letter from an anonymous man. I'm not sure if he was gay or not, but his letter certainly was. I don't know what they teach men in the gay army, but one of the first lessons should be 'don't mess with a horny ninja on the prowl.'
LASTLY: Lord_manimal. To find this savage lover, run a search for the above mentioned name. This guy might as well have been a ninja, because no one seemed to noticed him. Perhaps I was a little too over the top, but maybe people actually died from the comedy overload, or at least lost control of the hand that they use to send millionaire wolfmen love letters.
The only thing I learned in the end is that women are only slightly more inclined to talk to me than to a monster covered in blood, but not nearly as much as they want to hook up with a bi-curious assassin. Most of these people only used their space to talk about how smart they were since they enjoy things created by smart people, so I guess I don't give a sweet damn either way.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
clitilda:
Radness can be a curse!
troglodyte:
None of those worked? What's wrong with women these days?