underrated

i wish it didnt have to be this way.

i still dont understand how people can be so flippant these days.
it seems that in this society nothing is every good enough for anyone.
i realise you cant make people happy.
i understand i cannot fix everyone. maybe anyone.
but it hurts.

looks like im in the lose/lose situation again.
i cant breathe.
it sucks to realise that no matter how hard you try, you just aren't what someone wants.

man what a shitty day ive had, well kind of a bad while really,
i still havent looked at my bike after my last crash- its just sitting undercover out front! oops!
my bruises have gone at least. and i dont ache as much.

roxanna gave me cute gifts for elliot which makes me happy thankyou.
and everyone in LA was very kind. shame i didnt find the cookie shop

i can feel that feeling again in my stomach and in my chest. the ultimate loss. im really really unhappy right now.
i have stupidly taken all the work trips i can away so i dont have to wander these streets. so i dont have to reminisce, or recall or remember. i need a different view right now. this is probably a bad idea, but at least ill be out of europe for most of the lead to christmas. im a good runner.
it sems that i was maybe waiting in vain for something to lift me up, i thought i had it, i thought i could make it, i thought i could give everything and be happy, be me, be true.
i guess i've learnt that you can't expect people to act how you would, like you think they would.
thats why people are different, thats why we love.

i felt i had a lot to give. i felt i could make it work.

i need to stop being such an emo art fag.

im going to become mean.