uncommoncold

Stop going grey, munchkins! It makes me sad.

I had forgotten how beautiful Comox really is. My brother's graduation ceremony was outdoors, sunny, and hot. Part of the speech given for him was that his plan for after high school was to "keep on keepin' on", and I realized right then that yes, my brother really is one of my favourite people in the universe. He put his digital camera in my hands, saying that "mom doesn't know how to take photos that aren't posed and poorly cropped, and dad doesn't even know how to turn a computer on, let alone use a camera."

So. I couldn't walk for more than fifteen feet without a hug and a chipper, "Hey! How's it going? Where are you these days?"

Being alumni rocks, even if it's only high school alumni. You end up feeling a little bit like a celebrity for that brief period of time.

Spent time with friends afterward.

[I'm leaning up against the roof of the car, my head resting on my wrists, hands crossed. You come up behind me, push one of my feet out of the way to widen my stance, and say, "Why hello there, little lady!" We laugh. You step away, and I said, "Um, I didn't ask you to stop." Back up against me. Your right hand just below my hip. We're chuckling and I turn to smile up at you and you kiss me twice, saying, "Maybe you should come over tonight."

"I.. I don't know how." I don't know how to be with you without being with you. I wouldn't know how to separate myself from it, from you, and I think that's necessary at this point.

"I love you, you know."

"I know. I love you, too. And I miss you."

"So stay another day. Hell, stay another week."

"I can't. I just can't."

"Okay."

"I want you to know that when you were playing guitar out there in the backyard, I wished that she wasn't there. Not because I don't like her, but because I wanted to be alone with you, just for those moments."

i don't know what anyone can see
in anybody else
but you

"Well, I wasn't playing for her."

And my lips are dry. She comes back to the car and we disentangle ourselves quickly. I get into the front seat and put on lip gloss, talk about the music playing, and marvel at the abundance of stars without city light pollution.

Sometimes I wonder if he's the only boy I've ever truly loved. Sometimes I feel as though leaving him is my single largest regret. Sometimes I wish that I could've stood still with him for longer than I did, and sometimes I wonder if we're going to end up growing old together.

"You've been running since the day I met you, Alison."]

Made pancakes and fruit salad with mia madre in the morning. My grandmother gave me grapes to eat on the bus ride back to Victoria. (Oh, and by the way, the train on the way up-island was bloody fantastic. Simply stunning. I read all but the last twenty pages of Choke and managed to leave it iin my parents' spare bedroom, just barely unfinished. Sigh.)

That's that.

Oh! In other news, I am a complete idiot. This morning, I spilled a little bit of tomato sauce on my keyboard. Cleaned it up and kept typing. Left to study for a while, and came back. (Because I'm addicted. So are you. Don't pretend.) None of the keys were working, and I could only type numbers with half of my keyboard.

I pretty much had a nervous breakdown, right then and there.

On the verge of tears because the warranty on my laptop ran out a little over a month ago, I stood up and freaked out for a little while, thinking that getting help from Apple costs a zillion dollars that I don't have.

Then. THEN.

I realized what I had done.

Yes, that's right. I had hit "Num Lock", that clever little button right in the top center of the board.

Problem solved.

I can't believe they even let people like me own a computer.

It's time for tea, crumpets, and Mortal Kombat with my roommate now. 'Night.